Review #24: Blood & Chocolate (2006)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Katja Von Garnier (Director)

Agnes Bruckner (Vivian): The Glass House (2001), Murder by Numbers (2002),Venom, The Woods, Vacancy 2

Hugh Dancy (Aiden): Black Hawk Down (2001)

Olivier Martinez (Gabriel): S.W.A.T. (2003), Taking Lives (2004)

Kata Dobo (Beatrice): Basic Instinct 2 (2006)

Trailer:


Plot:
Agnes Bruckner (Vivian) plays a female werewolf whose family was killed when she was eight. She moves overseas to Romania to live with her aunt and her “other” family (werewolves). While doing research on werewolves for his graphic novel in Romania, an American artist, Aiden comes across Vivian and becomes attracted to her...and a little obsessed. Why not? I've seen Agnes, and she's smokin' hot. (Pictured right) And if "They're real", I should do the noble thing and examine them...to make sure.

Unfortunately, little does he know that she is to be the wolf princess and given away in marriage to the leader of the wolves, Gabriel. That might pose as a problem in the long road. To make things worse and more confusing, Gabriel is Vivian's cousin. Ewe! But when you're the leader of the pack and has to chose a new bride every seven years, what better choice than the pure ole' flesh and blood of your own kin? Maybe that's how wolves get it on.

Gabriel learns of Aiden's crush and becomes angry at him as Vivian starts to fall in love with the artist. As you can see, this becomes a Romeo & Juliet tale about wolves. To add more kindle to the fire, the young punk artist accidentally kills Gabriel’s son. Now Gabriel wants Aiden...a little...dead. You don't mess with a dude's girlfriend and you don't kill his son either.

Villain:
If there is a villain in the film it probably be Gabriel and his pack of humans/wolves. They munch on a few victims in the film. But the real villain has to be Aiden. Come on' he swoops in and steals Gabriel's soon to be wife and kills his son. Now whose more evil? The starving werewolf or the stalker-killer American artist? Simple answer for me. Hint: the second one.

Cast:

Agnes (pictured right) plays the girl Vivian, who is essentially pissed off at the world for about ninety percent of the movie. I mean not a pissed off like heads are gonna fly, but a pissed off like…I’ve been on my period for four months straight…or I’m don’t like guys because daddy touched me too much…well either way she maybe she is pissed off like heads will fly on top of it.

Despite getting screwed in the film's master scheme, her cousin Gabriel plays an annoying role and is a very unlikeable character. On top of it, her stalker-killer boyfriend artist Aiden sucked just as much. I guess bottom line, they all sucked. But Aiden did prove one thing: as long as you keep stalking a girl and she doesn’t call the police, you have a chance.

SFX/Gore:

Most of the deaths involved werewolves. Only two deaths non-wolf related. What’s up with that? The special effects were pretty good outside of the change sequence. That was pretty lame. The person jumps into the midair and then “glows” for a second or two and when they hit the ground they’ve changed into a wolf. It was awful looking. Remember those little kid toys called Glow Worms? Well in this case, they're Glow Wolves. Rounding out the special effects in the film are a couple of good explosions and blood. Duh! You can't have gore without it.

TNA:

Not much to see here. At least if you're a straight guy. This film caters to the female audience a little better than it suits the male audience. What I'm trying to say is, "You’re better off watching one of those Total Gym info-mercials."

On the bright side of things, Agnes is pissed off and grumpy most of the film creating the sexual tension with the viewer. Like I wanna throw you down and throttle that angst off your face type of deal. Is that too over the top? Hope not. She does wear a pair of those “f*ck me” boots every once and a while. Yeah F*ck Me Boots!

T.Gun's Take:

Well B&C was a decent wolf story...not the best...but a decent one. I wasn't that big of a fan with the Romeo and Juliet thing but you know...teenage love stories sell. Somehow, no matter how crappier they are.

I like werewolf movies so I didn’t suffer through this one like it might have sounded. I was disappointed in the film overall. Here's some ideas that may have made the movie a little bit better: (Even if they had just picked one! )

A: Enrolled more hot chicks. If Captain Obvious has to explain this one, then you need a hole in your head. Give Vivian a hot, slutty she-wolf BFF. It's not that hard.

B. Showed some nudity. Have Agnes come out of the shower or bed showing off her assets. Please. Maybe a side boob. Maybe another chick showing off the goods. Throw us a freakin' bone here!

C. Had Agnes smile every once and a while (or show her assets).

D: Kill a few more bodies (non-wolf). It's a horror film. A higher body count COULD have been what the audiences were lookin' for.

Any one of those ideas probably would have sent this film in the passing letter grade category. They're just simple ideas, not rocket science.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on January 26, 2007 and made $3.5 million in limited release
-Based loosely on a novel by Annette Klause
-Katja von Garnier is a German female director