Review #97: Waxwork (1988)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Anthony Hickox (Director): Waxwork 2, Hellraiser 3 (1992), Warlock (1993)

Zack Galligan (Mark): Gremlins

Deborah Foreman (Sarah): April Fool's Day, Real Genius (1985)

Dana Ashbrook (Tony): Return of the Living Dead 2 (1988)

John Rhys-Davies (Werewolf): The Ferryman

Clare Carey (Gemma): Home Alone 4 (2002), Crocidile Dundee in L.A. (2001), Coach T.V. series
Patrick Macnee (Sir Wilfred): Waxwork 2, The Howling

David Warner (David): The Omen (1976), Star Trek 5 (1989) & 6 (1991), Scream 2

Trailer:


Plot:

The evil haunted wax museum keeper, David Lincoln invites Sarah and China (isn't that a steriod-using chick wrestler?) to a midnight screening of his wax exhibits. They agree, and he tells them to bring no more than six people.

So they invite their rich friend, the dude from Gremlins (Zach G...aka...Mark) and a couple other friends to the tour. Before the tour two friends chicken out and bolt, leaving Mark, Tony, Sarah and China to tour themselves. Once they start the tour they quickly get divided up and tour the wax museum alone at their own pace.

Tony drops his lighter over a werewolf exhibits red rope barrier. He proceeds over the rope to pick it up, and once he crosses, he gets sucked into the exhibit real life reenactment.

Tony thinks that he is either hypnotized or somebody slipped him acid because he can't believe whats going on. He plays along and enters a cabin. Inside the cabin, Tony meets Gimli (John Rhys-Davies) who then warns him to stay away and then transforms into a werewolf before his eyes. Gimli the werewolf bites Tony as some townsfolk comes in and kills the werewolf with silver bullets and then shoots Tony as he transforms himself. Tony dies in the exhibit and becomes a "wax piece" to the exhibit.

The same thing happens to China as she crosses the line at a Count Dracula exhibit. Puzzled by their friends disappearance, Sarah and Mark leave the waxwork show. The next day, their friends are still missing, and Mark decides to go to the police to report what he believes.

Mark learns from a detective that 13 other people have gone missing in the last two weeks. The plot thickens! Mark blames the wax museum for the disappearances, but the police are skeptical. The detective decides to take Mark to the wax museum to check it out and prove him wrong. The caretaker, David, lets the detective tour the wax exhibits by himself. The detective finds nothing wrong, calls it quits and leaves with Mark.

Mark returns home disappointed and does a little "attic research" with Sarah (Deborah Foreman pictured right). Attic research is when the movie can't explain how the evil plan works, so they use the "my grandfather saved newspaper clippings from back in the day" to piece together the mystery.

While Mark and Sarah does their own investigation, the detective at the police station has flashbacks of faces of missing persons and their faces as wax figures in the museum. The detective decides to check the wax house out one more time...just to make sure. Because we don't want the police not putting 100% effort into their investigations.

Mark and Sarah has learned that a town local named, Sir Wilfred was mysteriously involved and they go to pay him a visit. At Sir Wilfred's house they learn that the waxwork is a deal between David Lincoln and Satan to achieve people's souls in exchange for immortality. Yep. It's a deal with Satan type of show.

Once David has collected 18 souls, one for each wax exhibit, Satan is free, or some crap like that. End of the world bull sh*t. The only way to stop the plan is to burn down the house, specifically the remaining exhibits. Back at the waxwork, the detective and his partner comes to the end of their lives.

Mark and Sarah return to the waxwork to carry out the "good work" and burn the place down to a crisp. Unfortunately, they are both pushed into different exhibits by David's evil henchmen. Inside his exhibit, a zombie exhibit, Mark learns that, "the figures can't hurt him if he doesn't believe in them". He escapes and enters Sarah's exhibit to save her.

The 18 Wax Exhibits:
1. Count Dracula
2. The Mummy
3. Frankenstein
4. A Witch
5. A werewolf - Gimli!
6. Jack the Ripper
7. The Marquis De Sade
8. Phantom of the Opera
9. A voodoo priest
10. A zombie
11. The Invisible Man
12. Mr. Hyde
13. A pod from the Invasion of the Body Snatchers
14. Demonic baby from It's Alive
15. An alien creature
16. The cobra man circus freak
17. An axe murder
18. A golem

You gotta love the 80's and it's cheesy imagination in story telling. Is Waxwork a scary horror movie? Maybe when I was eight, but now that I've gone back to watch it, I see it as a funny, cheesy horror movie. The characters, at least the "teens" in the movie are laughable. Come on', Zack G. portraying a high schooler? This is three years after Gremlins came out. All the other "teens" are the same way, ten years after their prime.

Kind of a joke, but the characters who weren't teenagers, they were pretty solid. They're all character actors which you've seen their faces some where, but couldn't put your finger on it. The main evil guy, David Warner (David L.) stole the show in my opinion. He's a classic eerie strange tall guy that was a good fit for the role. Warner didn't have too much to work with, but overall it panned out.

The second evil guy, The Marquis De Sade, reminded me of some dude who I've seen on plenty of late nite Skin-e-max shows. Bookie knows what guy I'm talking about. The guy who was the caveman guy from that one. Also played a male genie in another. I need to get out more.

The special effects on the film were pretty top notch for an 80's flick. They did a good job on using that blue waterdrop thing when people passed from the real world into the exhibit world. Outside of a couple of bad looking head popping scenes, the overall effects were good.

The wax figures didn't look all that too impressive though. Such a shame for a movie that is called Waxwork and that is the film bread and butter. The film used blood, and used it well. I didn't think there was a too over the top usage, and for the most part the blood looked real.

If you're expecting to see some TNA then move along. Outside a couple of hot chicks (Shark Factor) and a weird chained/whipping scene, there wasn't much there. No token twin shots. Boo!

The movie itself was more of a comedy, because it seemed like it didn't take itself seriously. Over the top goofiness, bad one liners, and random crap that just spelled out AWESOME. Waxwork is definitely a classic to check out. By today's standards of a horror movie, it just wouldn't cut it, but it's one of those head scratchers you just can't pass on. The chick below also starred another wax movie...the always lovely...Elisha Cuthbert (pictured below).


Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on June 17, 1988
-Missing photos at the beginning of the film are the same ones used as The Lost Tribe

Review #88: Van Helsing (2004)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Stephen Sommers (Director): The Mummy 1 (1999) & 2 (2001), G.I. Joe (2009)

Hugh Jackman (Van Helsing): X-men Trilogy, The Prestiage (2006)

Kate Beckinsale (Anna): Vacancy

Richard Roxbourgh (Count Dracula): Stealth (2005), Mission Impossible 2 (2000)

David Wenham (Carl): LOTRings 2, & 3, 300 (2006)

Kevin O'Connor (Igor): Flight of the Living Dead (2007), The Mummy, Lord of Illusions (1995)

Silvia Colloca (Verona): Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)

Josie Maran (Marishka): The Gravedancers (2006) (pictured right)

Robbie Coltrane (Mr. Hyde): The Harry Potter Franchise

Stephen Fisher (Dr. Jeckyll): Hellboy (2004)

Trailer:


Plot:

The "Order" in Vatican City sends the famous monster slayer, Van Helsing to Transylvania to protect a family from the evil clutches of Count Dracula. Accompanying him is the "Order's" genius weapon creator, Carl. Velkan and Anna Velarious, brother and sister, are the last of the Velarious family. Once the last descendant of their family is dead, Count can rule the world. Velkan is killed by a werewolf sent by the Count shortly before Van Helsing arrives.

Van Helsing and Carl arrives at the village to an unwelcome reception. They meet Anna who refuses their help. Within minutes of meeting, Count's three vampire brides attack the village in an attempt to kill Anna. Van Helsing kills one of the brides, Marishka, and the other two Aleera and Verona retreat. Anna reluctantly accepts Van Helsing's services.

Later that night, Anna's dead brother, Velkan returns from the dead as a werewolf and under the power of Dracula. Velkan appears before Anna as a human and then transforms into the beast in an attempt to kill her. Van Helsing steps in and battles her werewolf brother. Anna stops Van Helsing before he is about to kill Velkan. She tells him that there might be a way to save him. They have three days to find the cure that Dracula holds before Velkan is turned into a werewolf forever.

Van and Anna travel to the Dracula's castle and discover thousands of eggs which they assume are Dracula's offspring. Using Frankenstein's formula for reanimation, Dracula brings his offspring to life. The gremlin looking vampire offspring attack the village in order to feed and become stronger. Unfortunately there's a missing piece to the formula as the gremlin bats die unexpectedly. Also in the castle, Dracula and Van confronts each other and the Count drops a "I know your history bomb" onto Van, who apparently doesn't know his secret past.

Van and Anna escape and flee to a destroyed wind mill, fall through some old, burnt wooden boards and find Frankenstein hiding in the dark. Frankenstein tells them that he holds the key to the formula's success. Over hearing the conversation is Dracula's werewolf spy, and he flees before Van can kill him. Disturbed by the sudden turn of events, Van promises Frankie protection from Dracula in Rome in order to keep the secret hidden and protected. Frankie agrees and the three of them venture back (and pick up Carl on the way) to Rome.

On the way, they get ambushed by Velkan the Werewolf and Dracula's remaining bitches (brides). The convoy crashes, Van gets bit by the werewolf and Anna gets captured by the vampire bride, Verona or Aleera. One of the hot ones. Actually it's Aleera, Verona dies in the incident. How dare they kill her?! (Silvia Colloca: Verona; pictured left) Once in Rome, Aleera offers Van an exchange, Anna for Frankie. Van agrees, only if it's done in public. Of course Count sets up a trap, eventually getting his hands on Frankie.

Now Van must confront Dracula to free Frankie, and possibly obtain the secret werewolf cure Dracula holds. Because only a werewolf can beat Dracula. So as a backup plan, Count always has a vial of werewolf cure just in case things get a little hairy. Eventually Van turns to a wolf and dukes it out with Count while Anna battles Aleera, and Carl battles Igor.

It's great seeing all the favorite legendary monster on the big screen with each other. For some reason, history always suggests that Frankie is a good guy out of the bunch. Turn him evil! That would be much funner. Dracula portrays the ultimate bad guy, and wolf man is just a pawn bitch. Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde was a little bit over the top fake CGI-ish. It kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

The end of the movie was a little disappointing. It became a little too CGI heavy with the final battle between Count and Van. The battle was like watching a video game in the movie theater. There was just a "real life" element missing to the end. Too much CGI!

Hugh Jackman playing Van Helsing...yeah, I couldn't see it. Maybe it's because I only see him as Wolverine now. I'm sorry, I've "type-casted" him. He's now the Luke Skywalker of the X-men series. Sorry Hugh! The best character in the movie happened to be Carl, Van's side kick. He was played by David Wenham, better known as Faramir from Lord of the Rings. He was a pretty like able, funny character. He was a monk...I mean Fryer, as he would put it, that was the "Order's" weapon genius. I got away with a lot of un-monk-ish things by being a Fryer, like scoring with a village hot chick. Chastity...overrated.

As for the lead female character, Kate Beckinsale you must think, "Wow. Two Beckinsale flick reviews within a week. You must really like her." No. She's hot, but Vacancy kind of just happened to be on, and this one was in the works anyway. Kate portrays a tough chick...werewolf hunter...right...I didn't buy it either. She looked hot in her tight fitted wardrobe, tighten those waist strings a little tighter, and maybe her twins will pop out. But in the end, she seemed to always be the a tag-a-long damsel in distress which Van had to save. She barely did anything tough or heroic in the film except for battle with the vampire chick bride, Aleera. Chick fight! Yeah. It was good fight, but it still was overshadowed by her poor performance. And her European accent was just down right horrible. *** SPOILER ***Highlight to read. I was glad to see her die in the end. It was actually a nice twist on the film. *** END SPOILER ***

Kate Beckinsale wasn't even the hottest female in the film. All three of Count Dracula's brides are hotter in my opinion. Elean Anaya (Aleera...and pictured right twice!) is probably the hottest of the bunch. How could a girl like this become a girl like that? If you have trouble identifying her, compare the traits on her chest.

Overall, it's a good monster flick to watch...a.k.a. good popcorn flick. Outside of the over use of CGI in the film, it was enjoyable to watch. It happened to be one of the better movies that featured Dracula in recent history. Most of Count's movies have sucked. And I'm a vampire fan, so this film was pleasing for me.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on May 7, 2004 and made $120 million at the Box Office ($51.7 million opening weekend)
-Made $65 million the first week of DVD sales
-Originally planned as a sequel to 1992's Bram Stoker's Dracula with Anthony Hopkins reprising the role of Abraham Van Helsing
-Van Helsing's name changed from Abraham to Gabriel
-Distributed to theaters as "The Vatican Detective"
-There are many parallels/tributes to Universal's Wolfman (1941), Frankenstein (1931) and Dracula (1931)
-There are no opening credits, nor an actual title card

Review #82: Cursed (2005)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Wes Craven (Director)

Christina Ricci (Ellie): The Addams Family 1 (1991) & 2 (1993), Casper (1995), Sleepy Hollow

Joshua Jackson (Jake): Urban Legend

Shannon Elizabeth (Becky): Jack Frost

Portia de Rossi (Zela): Scream 2

Jesse Eisenberg (Jimmy): The Village (2004)

Mya (Jenny): Chicago (2002), Musician

Derek Mears (Werewolf): The Hills Have Eyes 2, Friday the 13th

Judy Greer (Joanie): Jawbreaker (1999), Arrested Development T.V. series

Milo Ventimiglia (Bo): Stay Alive (2006), Rocky Balboa (2006), Heroes T.V. series

Kristina Anapau (Brooke): Cruel Intentions 3 (2004)

Craig Kilborn (Himself): Old School (2003)

Eric Ladin (Louie): Toolbox Murders (2003), Left in Darkness (2006)

Michelle Krusiec (Nosebleed co-worker): Dumb & Dumberer (2003), Daddy Day Care (2003)

Lance Bass (Himself): Musician NSYNC*

Scott Baio (Himself): Happy Days T.V. series, Zapped! (1982)

Trailer:


Plot:

An orphaned sister (Ellie) and brother (Jimmy) are involved in a car crash that involves a wild animal and another oncoming car in the hills of Los Angeles. The second car is hit and rolls off the road. Ellie and Jimmy climb down the embankment to help survivors. There is a single female trapped in the car. Jimmy crawls into the overturned car to help the female.

Once freed, an unknown beast...hint: a werewolf...pulls the female from the wreckage and out of the wreckage. Jimmy grasps onto the woman and Ellie holds onto Jimmy as the werewolf drags the three into the woods. Eventually the beast attacks the three, killing the woman, biting Ellie on the arm and slashing Jimmy across the chest before fleeing into the darkness.

Soon afterwards Jimmy and Ellie start experiencing weird physicals phenomenons as they slowly change into werewolves. They learn that they must find and kill their attacker to break the "curse" or fully become the legendary beast themselves. Jimmy, still in high school, uses his new found abilities to defeat the school's wrestling bully, Bo, and snag his girlfriend, Brooke. While Ellie, an assistant on the famed "Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn", battles through her own personal soap operas involving a mysterious boyfriend, Jake, and vicious female coworker, Joanie.

Ellie denies the possibility of becoming a werewolf, while Jimmy engulfs the "cursed" idea. He researches and constantly points out clues to his sister as she denies it. Eventually Ellie comes to the notion of whats going on as the city becomes under heat with mysterious random animal attacks. They also learn that someone close to them is the attacker and must be killed to free the of the curse.

Despite being made and distributed as a PG-13 to entice younger audiences, I liked this movie. Of course, I've only seen the unrated version, so throw that PG-13 crap out the window, but I found this to be an enjoyable werewolf movie. It has a "soft spot" in my heart...including Shannon Elizabeth (Pictured below).

I love the cast to the movie. Especially the lead female. I love Christina Ricci in general. She's an awesome actress and cute as a button. Unfortunately she does show off her body in this one, but wears some smokin' hot dresses to make up for it. Her performance as a psychological troubled older sister taking care of her younger brother was okay. But she gets a pass for being...Christina Ricci...pictured below.

Jesse Eisenberg portrays the geeky, goofy looking younger brother Jimmy. His character is dorky enough to be someone that I can root for and relate with. He's quick to embrace the werewolf idea as everyone around him doesn't believe him and chalks it up as "that's just the sci-fi geek talking".

Jimmy slobbers over the school's hottie, Brooke, only to be tripped up by her "over-manly" wrestling boyfriend, Bo. Bo's character is played by actor Milo Ventimiglia. Who? Geeks around the world, knows him best as Peter Petrelli from the hit television show, Heroes. It's kind of funny seeing a much younger Milo play a "tough" wrestler and school bully. Even better, the film turns him into an "out of the closet" gay kid wanting to embrace his new found sexuality. Back to the cutie Brooke...actress Kristina Anapau pictured left.

Speaking of "out of the closet", Portia de Rossi pops up in the film as a psychic gypsy woman. Portia herself, is most famous for being the love squeeze to Ellen DeGeneres. Man she's hot. I liked to see her in more of those lesbian make out scenes. Also starred in one of my favorite cancelled television shows, Arrested Development.

The other cast members of the movie are pretty good. Joshua Jackson plays the mysterious boyfriend, and Judy Greer plays the mean, evil, bitch assistant. She's also a Arrested Development alumni. Craig Kilborn, Lance Bass (NSYNC*), and Scott Baio make cameo appearances as themselves. Scott Baio? WHYYYYYYYYY? Shannon Elizabeth and musician Mya, appear in the film to boost the "eye candy" category. Sorry, "no raped to death by a snowman" ending for Shannon.

On a personal anticipation note: Derek Mears plays the man behind the werewolf suit. Many people wouldn't recognize Derek in his movie roles, mostly because he's always that man behind the mask and make-up. Why is he relevant on a personal note? Well just in case you haven't heard, he'll be playing a certain machete wielding, hockey mask wearing psychopath in an upcoming movie that opens on Friday, February 13th, 2009. Other hints: check out the picture on the right hand side of the blog. NOT the current hot chick, but the one below it. Or look at my horror movie reviews # 2-13.

This film almost died and never got off the production line because of script problems. After a year of script revision, re shoots, recast, the film finally hit the big screen. I would like to see all the changes that were done. A little disappointed by the cast that was sacrificed off the film (see list below). Despite the numerous problems this film had getting on track, it was in my opinion a good movie to sit down and watch. It wasn't too bizarre or off the charts, and stayed true to some simple werewolf ideas and plot points.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on February 25, 2005 and made $19.2 million at the Box Office ($9.6 million opening weekend)
-The film was delayed for over a year due to a major script re-write and many re shoots
-Actors/actresses left out/dropped from film due to scheduling conflicts/re-writes:
* Mandy Moore (role of Jenny); scenes filmed. Jenny was replaced with Mya. Pictured right. What do you think? Good or Bad?
* Heather Langenkamp; scenes filmed
* Corey Feldman; scenes filmed
* Skeet Ulrich; dropped out - character re-written

Review #73: The Monster Squad (1987)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Fred Dekker (Director): Night of the Creeps (1986), RoboCop 3 (1993)

Stephen Macht (Detective Crenshaw): Graveyard Shift (1990), Trancers 3, 4, & 5

Mary Ellen Trainor (Emily Crenshaw): Romancing the Stone (1984), The Goonies (1985), Leathal Weapon 1-4, Die Hard (1988), Scrooged (1988), Action Jackson (1988)

Tom Noonan (Frankenstein): RoboCop 2 (1990), Last Action Hero (1993)

Ryan Lambert (Rudy): Kids Incorporated T.V. series

Leonardo Cimino (Scary German Guy): Amityville Horror 2 (1982), Dune (1984), Waterworld (1995)

Jason Hervey (E.J.): Back to the Future (1985), The Wonder Years T.V. series

Jack Gwillim (Van Helsing): Clash of the Titans (1981), Patton (1970), Jason and the Argonauts (1963)

Trailer:


Plot:

The Monster Squad is a bunch of kids who idolize monsters and monster movies. Their hideout is up in a tree house in their leader's (Sean Crenshaw) back yard. Members of the Monster Squad are: Sean (leader), Patrick (skinny dork), Horace (the fat kid), Eugene (the pip-squeak midget), Rudy (the older, cooler enforcer kid), Phoebe (Sean's younger sister), and the family dog.

Monster Squad Mascot: the Crenshaw's family dog

Membership to get in: passing the monster quiz. Not really hard.

Membership benefits: business cards, and the peep show at Patrick's sister as she constantly changes clothes in front of her bedroom window, conveniently located in camera's view from the tree house. And the right to battle monsters that invade your town.

Sean receives an old book from his parents which happens to be Abraham Van Helsing's personal journal. Unfortunately the diary is in German and not English. In order to find out what the diary says, the squad seeks out the help of the town's scary German guy. And that's the name he is credited with in the movie. Scary German guy, must have been Writer's block. I shall call him SGG for short. Luckily for the squad, SGG translates the journal into English for them.

The journal describes, in great detail, an amulet that is composed of a concentration of good. Whatever that means. And the journal also explains that once every century, the forces of evil and good reach a balance and the amulet can be destroyed thus letting the evil forces rule the world.

And that "once every century" day happens to be:

A. The following day at the stroke of midnight.

B. On Friday the 13th

C. On Saturday the 14th

D. Not for another 20 years or so.

If you answered A, then you're a strong candidate for writing the sequel. And correct. If you answered B, you're watching the wrong movie. If you answered C, then you're still watching the wrong movie. And if you answered D, you're an idiot.

But wait...there's more to the story! Also in the journal, Van Helsing wrote a German passage that can temporary defeat the monsters. A virgin must read the passage out loud to open up a mysterious vortex, called Limbo. Once the vortex is opened, the monsters will be sucked into Limbo. What is Limbo any way? Isn't that a game were you straddle underneath a bar on a Hawaiian tiki fire god's beach or something?
While the squad deciphers the journal, legendary monsters are gathering in the town looking for the amulet themselves. Count Dracula leads the group of "baddies", which also includes, Frankenstein, the wolf man, the mummy, and the Gill-man. They all arrive differently to this unnamed town, the mummy escapes from the local museum. Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Gill-man fall out of the back of an airplane that was transporting them somewhere. And the wolf man...well, he just shows up.

As the "evil-doers" (to quote some other famous guy...don't know who he...I mean "it" is...but I'm sure he's...I mean "it" again...is famous) randomly show up in their own fashion, Dracula sends Frankenstein to search out the Helsing journal. Of course, Frankenstein isn't the sharpest crayon in the box, and he ends up befriending the squad and helping them out.

The "evil-doers" find the amulet first, but cannot get to it because it's surrounded by items of "good". Or something like that. They eventually trick the squad into retrieving it for them, as the squad narrowly escapes and makes a final stand in the town square as that magical hour of midnight approaches. Not to spoil the movie for you, but then the battle of good versus evil begins.


I loved this movie when I was a kid. After going back and watching all these films ten, fifteen, twenty years later, I say to myself, "Man. Was I an idiot or what?" This film was brilliant in it's laziness. K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid. Also a bad rock band. It's been a while since I've brought them into the picture. Just remember...they drove the young Michael Myers into killing. At least that's how Rob Zombie envisioned it. The film doesn't even try to explain anything. It's like it had seven days to film the thing. Present and idea/event and BOOM! Move on. Don't look back. Keep up the pace. Leave any man behind.

What I mean is that, there are many random things that happens and the film doesn't even bother explaining them. Like, the journal. Sean's parents just happen to give him this journal. Where'd it come from? Film: who cares? Present the scene and move on. BOOM! Move on! Leave all questions for the weak. It's brillant. They don't waste the effort on explaining things. And yes, the movie is full of plot holes, but after awhile, you just come to accept it. Like the movie itself points out, "How does the dog get up here?" Lazy script writing. Or George Lucas's cop-out: "Will of the force."

Examples of lazy writing/not explaining anything/random crap:

1. Lack of character's names. The SGG (Scary German Guy) who goes on to play an important role of the film. You seriously can't think of any German surname to give him? He's just referred as the SGG.

Another...Patrick's sister (actress Lisa Fuller). The "virgin" of the film. Can't even give her a name like Sally, Jennifer, Tiffany or something like that. Nope. Just Patrick's sister. Fortunately for the actress, all she has to identify herself as is the girl that says when questioned about her virginity, "Well, Steve...but he doesn't count." Everyone knows that girl. Wow...Tiffany Amber Thiesen came up during a google search for the name, "Tiffany". So why tease? Here she is.

Another...the town's name. Can't even come up with a generic name. Let's just identify it as Springfield. Works for me.

2. The before mentioned, Van Helsing's Journal. How'd it end up in the town. And then pawned off on Sean. Who happens to discover it's usefulness. Just a random unexplained event. Important to the film's plot, but the orgin...well who cares? Right. Hit the hole and move on! That's what the movie does.

3. Wolfman. He just shows up at the police station asking to be arrested. Was he the crazy town local? Just passing through? Did he even have a name? Poof! He's there.

4. The house with the amulet. So the bad guys needed a place to hide out, and happened to shack up at the house with the amulet hidden in the basement. The writer's explain this by saying, "Helsing's deciples didn't do a very good job hiding the amulet." Really? That's the best you can do?

Speaking of the amulet, I think I understood more about it when I was a little kid. Dracula finds the amulet in a hidden stone room in the basement of the house. Inside the amulet was surrounded by crucifixes, and other forces of "good" items. When I was a kid, I knew that he couldn't get to the amulet because of those items and later tricks Sean into retrieving it. When I was watching, I was waiting for a dumb line about why they couldn't get the amulet. But there wasn't one. I guess I was smart as a kid assuming why they couldn't get the amulet.

5. SGG's tattoo. After SGG translates the journal to the kids, he walks him out of the house and at the last second the camera zooms in on his left arm and we see a numbered tattoo. Everyone who has seen the film has basically assumed that it's from a Nazi concentration camp. Who knows, maybe it's like from the Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles T.V. show. Resistance soldiers from the future have those tattoos on their arms. Maybe SGG was sent back through time to help the squad or to protect them. "Come with me if you want to live." Hmm. I think I'm on to something. Probably not, but yet another unexplained random event from the film.

Those are just five examples of lazing writing, I could go on, but it sounds like I'm bashing the film. I'm not. Honestly. I'm just pointing out the brillance of introducing something, rolling with it, and moving on. I bought it as a kid. And kind of bought it as an adult. The devil's in the details. Not in this film. They left the devil out.

On a side note, I do have to mention that the Rudy character is played by Ryan Lambert. Rudy gives us the worst line from the movie, "See ya later, band-aid breath." Why? Lambert's previous credits include the kid's television show, Kids Incorporated. Here are a few alumni from the show.
Eric Balfour - Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake
Stacy Ferguson - Fergie! and Planet Terror
Jennifer Love Hewitt - IKWYDLS

Also gives me reason to post the two pictures up. If you can't decipher who's who in the photos, then your life is wasted. You may need to get out more.

I do have to bash the film for under-utilizing the Gill-man. The dude's hardly in the film and then dies like a b*tch and the hands of the fat kid. We see him in the swamp sequence, and then...at the final battle. Whoop-dee-do. At least he had a movie of his own. Matter of fact, we need more Gill-man. There's a million vampire, werewolf, Frankenstein and at least three bad Brendan Frasier Mummy movies, but Gill-man...nope...shut out. A lost creature cause. Moved to the back burner of monsters. Playing second fiddle to Jeckel and Hyde. Hollywood's new replacement for Gill-man. And that just sucks. Need more Gill-man.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on August 14, 1987 and made $3.76 million at the Box Office
-Liam Neeson was considered for the Dracula role
-Dustin Diamond (Saved by the Bell!) had a small role which was cut from the film

Review #71:The Howling 2: Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Philippee Mora (Director): The Howling 3 (1987)

Christopher Lee (Stefan Crosscoe)

Annie McEnroe (Jenny): The Hand, Beetlejuice (1988)

Reb Brown (Ben): Space Mutiny (1988), Captain America 1 & 2 (1979) T.V.

Sybil Danning (Stirba): Battle Beyond the Stars (1980), Chained Heat (1983), Halloween

Judd Omen (Vlad): Red Dawn (1984), Dune (1984), Pee Wee's Big Adventure (1985)

Ferdy Mayne (Erle): Conan the Destroyer (1984), Night Train to Terror (1985), Warlock: Armageddon (1993)
Trailer:


Plot:

The film picks up shortly after the first movie. Karen is deceased and at her funeral, a "cult investigator" (C.Lee ~ Stefan) approaches her brother Ben and warns him that she is a werewolf. Ben is skeptical at first, but after some convincing by Stefan he joins the good fight and wants to seek revenge for his sister's death and battle the fur balls who are aiming to take over the Earth.
Ben, Stefan and a reporter name Jenny journeys from L.A. over to Transylvania to kill the lead werewolf, Stirba. No...I'm not making this up. Silliness and 80-ness follows.

First of all, doesn't Dracula come from Transylvania? I did a little research and...yeah...some dude named Bram Stoker first introduced Dracula from the Transylvania region. Not the wolfman.

Here's some more mythology and research on the werewolf courtesy of: Wikipedia

Secondly,...ah fuck it. I'm not gonna waste my breath. It's not worth it. Back to the review...

Anyways...this movie falls into the category of "It's sooo bad it's good". Horrible, cheesy special effects, writing, acting, music...you name it the film did it. Despite all of the film's cheesiness, it did offer some great moments. Like when Stirba threw the clay, puppet gargoyle at the priest, I just lost it. I had to literally stop the movie to catch my breath. The film also featured a werewolf transformation sex scene. Gotta say, that's pretty weird. Cool, but still weird. The film also reached into it's special effect's bag of tricks and pulled out the "colored laser light show" to represent the powers of the supernatural.

And let's not forget the Super Friends cast of characters:

Ben. Brother of the previous turned puppy, Karen, from part one. Torn between anger and the snoopy hot chick reporter, Ben ventures over seas to become the man he wanted to be. A little too deep? Yeah, probably. Honestly, I couldn't take the Ben character seriously after learning that he was the lead character in Space Mutiny. Yeah. That slow, big, white guy who the bad guys couldn't shoot even though he was a slow moving, enormous target. And lets not forget the space ship effects of that movie. Hey, let's rip off of old Battlestar Galatica footage and use it as our movie's main special effects! What a great idea! Secondly, he played football at USC. So every time he said something... TROJAN MAN!...popped into my head. It was a lost cause from there on out. It's pretty hard to root for a character with that history.

Stirba. Yes...Stirba. Played by Sybil Danning. She had a hell of a role in this one. Acting as the Queen Bee or Mother Puppy of the werewolves. What made her so evil...I don't know, but apparently she was. There was excellent screen writing for her. Such as rrpping off her clothes and showing off the twins. Bravo, gentleman. Bravo. So great, that they replayed it like a dozen times during the film's ending credits. Sybil also appeared in one of my favorite Roger Corman space flicks...Battle Beyond the Stars. The flying "scrotum" spaceship movie. We're 2 for 2 in casting!

Erle. Poor Old man Erle. Never had a chance to grow in the film, gone in the early goings. He was the "crazy old guy", but with a twist...a werewolf. The most important thing you outta know about Erle, is that the actor, Ferdy Mayne, starred in one of the worst flicks of all time...Night Train to Terror. If you've ever seen it, you want your hour and a half of your life back. Eventually I'll be reviewing that one...so I'm not gonna go too far down that road. But I'll give you a hint...he played the character of God in that movie. I guess if you can find work in Hollywood, you take it.

Stefan (Christopher Lee), is the "expert cult investigator", so he knows everything on werewolves. First of all, I love Christopher Lee. He has one of those deep, dark voices. It creates an ambiance to his characters. He also delivers professionalism to his characters and is a great horror movie icon. With all that said, I couldn't buy into his character. I mean, there was nothing I really liked about it. The coolest thing was during his final showdown with Stirba, the special effects added a orange-green glow around his body. But that's it. His character was totally under-used. There was so much more potential for his character. But it wasn't his fault!

If you need to waste a ninety minute block of your day and need a good chuckle, then check this flick out. It's not the best sooo bad it's good movie, but definitely in the Top 20. One final thought...can they do a special edition of this film and edit out the David Bowie wannabe singer who is blasted his crappy song through out the film?

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film released in January 1986
-Also known as Howling 2: Stirba - Werewolf Bitch
-Christopher Lee accepted the role...because he had never appeared in a werewolf movie

Review #57: Skinwalkers (2006)

Cast/Notable Credits:
James Issac (Director): Jason X

Jason Behr (Varek): D-War (2007), The Grudge , Happily Ever After (2004), Roswell T.V. series

Elias Koteas (Jonas): TMNT 1 (1990) & 3 (1993), Contact (1992), Cyborg 2 (1993), Crash (1996), Gattaca (1997), Apt Pupil (1998), Thin Red Line (1998), Zodiac (2007)

Rhona Mitra (Rachel): Hollow Man (2000), Highwaymen (2003), Life of David Gale (2003), Spartcus (2004), The Number 23 (2007), Doomsday (2008), Underworld 3 (2009), Boston Legal, The Practice, Nip Tuck, Gideon’s Crossing and Party of 5 T.V. series

Natassia Malthe (Sonja): Halloween Resurrection

Kim Coates (Zo): Silent Hill (2006), Hostage (2005), Assualt on Precinct 13 (2005), Black Hawk Down (2001), Pearl Harbor (2001), Waterworld (1995), The Client (1994), The Last Boy Scout (1994)

Sarah Carter (Katherine): Wishmaster 3 (2001), Final Destination 2 (2003), D.O.A. (2006), Shark T.V. series

Matthew Knight (Tim): The Grudge 2 & 3 (2009)

Shawn Roberts (Adam): X-Men (2000), Land of the Dead, Cheaper by the Dozen (2005), Stir of Echoes 2 (2007), Diary of the Dead

Lyrig Bent (Doak): Saw 2,3, & 4, Four Brothers (2005), Caveman’s Valentine (2001)

Wendy Crewson (Leader): Santa Clause 1,2, &3 (1994,2002,2006), The Covenant (2006), The 6th Day (2000), What Lies Beneath (2000), Bicentennial Man (1999), Air Force One (1997)

Trailer:

Plot:

A 12 year old boy is discovered to be an ancient prophet of the werewolves. He is a half-breed (part human/part werewolf) that controls the destiny of werewolves once he turns 13 years old.

Three days before his 13th birthday, an “evil” werewolf pack discovers his true identity and begins a madhunt to find and kill him. They believe that he will destroy the werewolf race. Since birth, the boy has been guarded by a “good” werewolf pack (and mom…who is also a werewolf) who has secretly known his true destiny.

His protectors discover that a rival pack has intentions to kill him, and they decide to hide and protect him until his birthday. The evil pack shows up in the good pack's town, and the good pack fights them off and takes the kid on the road as they try to out run the “evil” pack. *** SPOILER *** The boys father leads the “evil” pack. *End Spoiler *

Villain:

A pack of “evil” werewolves. Hmm. I thought most were evil. The evil ones do have some hot chicks that make up the band. Werewolf special effects were pretty good, but nothing I got excited about.

Cast:

Pretty much a disposable cast of characters consisting of a bunch of minor actors and actresses who have starred in some decent movies. Rhona Mitra (Pictured below) plays Rachel, the kid's mother. Mitra plays a troubled single mom who will protect her kid at any cost. She probably has the best performance in my opinion.

I give some props to the little kid for a decent acting job. It's pretty hard for young actors to nail certain roles, but I believe he did a good job. Everyone else in the cast...I kept on thinking..."I know them from somewhere!"

SFX/Gore:

A dozen puppies roll over in this one. There was a TON of gun fights to supply the action in the film. And of course...there were a few werewolf on werewolf fights, but that is to be expected.

The werewolf transformation scenes were pretty good, but I wasn’t too impressed with the overall look of the werewolf. I typically don't like the big beasty looking human wolf thing.

TNA:

The film lacks TNA but strives in number of hot chicks in it. No sex acts or boobies, even though there were some moments to sneek them in. The lovely Sarah Carter (pictured below).


T.Gun Factor:

After seeing this movie and realizing that Director James Issac did Jason X, I pretty much concluded that plot is not his strong point when making movies. Plot holes all around, storyline and sequences that made you wanna scratch your head. Typically, Issac does thrive in special effects in his movies and movie was another example. The setting and tone to the movie had a pretty good dark feel to it.

The movie was predictable until the end and offered little enjoyment. What probably hurt it’s case was that I saw the American Werewolf movies right before this one. Those movies were well done, and lining this one up next to them probably doesn’t give it the proper justice. But then again it wasn’t going to do much any way.

One of the biggest things that griped me about this movie was the “on the run” storyline. Once the “evil” pack finds the boy’s hometown and him, the “good” pack uses a A-Team vamped up Frito Lay truck to outrun the bad guys. The “good” guys take the boy on the road in the truck out racing a pack of motorbiking bad guys. Like Lorenzo Lamas a.k.a. Renegade.

The good guys always stop off and allow the bad guys to catch up and act surprised when they arrive. They stop to strap themselves into the back of the Frito Lay truck for the night (when they transform into werewolves), and then continue once morning hits. Seriously, all they have to do is get to the kid’s 13th birthday which is in like…a day most of the film. Why stop? Keep going bitches! No need to “hide” in a cave or hold out in a factory for the night. Keep on truckin’.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
- Film released on August 10, 2007 in limited release

Review #55: American Werewolf in London (1981)

Cast/Notable Credits:
John Landis (Director): Animal House (1978), Blues Brothers (1980) & 2000 (1998), Coming to America (1988), Trading Places (1983)

Jenny Agutter (Nurse Alex): Logan's Run (1976), Child's Play 2

Griffin Dunne (Jack): My Girl (1991), The Quiz Show (1994), 40 Days & 40 Nights (2002)

David Schofield (Chess Player): Alien 3 (1992)

Frank Oz (Mr. Collins & Miss Piggy)

Trailer:


Plot:

Two American college students (Jack and David) spending the summer backpacking in England. They are hiking in the countryside when they stop off at a pub/tavern called "The Slaughtered Lamb".

They ask for room and board but are turned away and warned to stay on the road. Apparently the English don't like American tourist. Considering that we saved their butts back in WWII, you would figure that they would be more appreciative towards us.

David and Jack go about their merry ways and venture off into the night. While strolling the countryside, they hear distant howling noises. Then the noises come closer and closer to them.

To make things worse, the whether turns to crap (rain, wind, thunder, etc.). Before David and Jack know it, they are attacked by some wild beast. Jack is torn open...um...apart...and David is bitten by the beast trying to help.

David wakes up weeks later in the hospital and the attack is blamed on a fictious lunatic. The police don't believe David's story about the beast attack. Cover up anyone?

David rehabs in the hospital for a while and eventually hooks up with one of the female nurses, Alex. You go boy! While rehabing at the hospital David starts to have wild nightmares when he sleeps.

Eventually he gets discharged from the hospital and shacks up with Alex at her apartment in London. Unfortunately David still has his wild nightmares. In them, Jack warns David to kill himself before the full moon happens.

Slowly the evidence buiilds up and David begins to realize that he is becoming a werewolf. Some clues include him waking up in odd places naked and then learning later on of people around the area are dying in wild animal attacks. How will it end for poor young David?

Villain:

Werewolf = legendary iconic villain. Enough said. The special effects on the transformation and look of the beast were very good for the early 80's. I mean cutting edge good.

Cast:

The cast was relatively unknown and even today never went on to have spectacular careers, but that doesn't mean that they did a poor job here. It was a good fit for the film. Nurse Alex was the chick from old 70's Sci-Fi flick "Logan's Run". She showed her frontal objects there too! So my question is...why didn't she do that in Child's Play 2?

SFX/Gore:

A.A.W.I.L. featured state of the art special effects...for back then. They were crazy good effects, especially the werewolf transformation. It inspired Michael Jackson's "Thriller". Well, I made that last part up...but it could have.

On the body count side of things, there were around 13-14 people getting to be the guest of honor for as dinner for the beast.

TNA:

One hot chick (Shark Factor) who performs a sex act and even shows off her assets. That is all courtesy of the lovely Jenny Agutter. There was also a shower scene and a porno movie playing on screen in the background. Right on!

T.Gun's Take:

An American Werewolf in London was an original piece of writing back then and it's still great now. The film's success laid the ground work for many werewolf movies to come.

To be honest, I had never seen this movie until now. I have gone 16-17 years with out even seeking it out. In my opinion, The Howling is the best werewolf movie (in my opinion), but this is a close second. It holds up well over time.

The atmosphere and music in the film was creepy and dark (when need). I loved that! Outside of the late 70's - early 80's wardrobes and hair styles, this movie didn't have any of the fake tongue and cheek cheesiness that earlier horror movies had with them.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on August 21, 1981 and made $30.56 million at the box office ($3.78 million opening weekend)
-1st film to win an Academy Award in the category for Best Make-up (1st yr. category created)
-Studio executives wanted Dan Aykroyd to play David and John Belushi as Jack
-In the end credits there is a congratulatory message for the wedding of Prince Charles & Diana