Review #16: House of Wax (2005)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Jaume Collet-Serra (Director): Orphan (2009)

Elisha Cuthbert (Carly Jones): Captivity, Girl Next Door (2004), Old School (2003), and 24 T.V.

Chad Michael Murray (Nick Jones): Dawson’s Creek, Gilmore Girls, One Tree Hill T.V. series

Brian Van Holt (Bo/Vincent): S.W.A.T. (2003) & Black Hawk Down (2001)

Paris Hilton (Paige Edwards): Nine Lives (2002), Nat'l Lampoon's Pledge This! (2006)

Jared Padalecki (Wade): Cry Wolf (2005), Friday the 13th, Supernatural T.V. series

Jon Abrahams (Dalton): Scary Movie (2000)

Robert Ri'chard (Blake): Coach Carter (2005)

Trailer:


This movie is a remake of the 1953 Vincent Price movie. Elisha Cuthbert and her “twin” brother, Justin Timberlake...just kidding, the actor is actually Chad M. Murray... takes a trip out of town to a college football road game along with their friends (Wade, Dalton, Blake and of course the slutty Paris...I mean Paige).

While driving through the parts of Louisiana, there is a big accident on road…♫ I want to Rock your Body ♫…and they decide to take a detour on one of the Louisiana backwoods roads to save time. They spend the night in the woods, and encounter a late night local who just watches them from his distant truck and then leaves after they throw a rock at it busting the headlight. The next morning, they mysteriously have car problems with one of the cars and can't leave.

Carly (Cuthbert) and her boyfriend Wade (Jared Padalecki) decide to hike into a neighboring town for car parts but they encounter a local who gives them a lift there instead. They arrive into the town to find most of it is deserted, and the only activity going on is at the church. They visit the town's wax museum when they see a mysterious man in the window. Inside the museum they find no one.

They leave the museum and accidentally barge into the church during a funeral procession. Embarrassed and ashamed, the quickly back out. One of the towns members, Bo comes out and confronts them. Bo owns the local gas station and invites them back to his house so he can get the needed part for the car. They agree and follow Bo to his house up the hill.

Once at Bo's house, Wade goes inside with him to retrieve the part, but never comes back. Carly soon discovers shortly after Wade has been gone, that the truck she's sitting in has a broken headlight. She decides to flee the scene and Bo chases her around the small town. Carly is eventually captured by Bo.

In the mean time, her brother Justin...I mean Nick... has grown inpatient with the two's long absence. He takes Dalton and the only car working to go into town looking for them. Upon arrival in the town, Dalton and Justin...mean Nick...split up looking for them. Dalton stumbles upon the wax museum and Justin...ah f*ck it...finds the gas station where Carly is being held captive by Bo.

Justin saves Carly and they look for Dalton and Wade around town. They also seek help from the local town folk, but the only thing is…the town is deserted…as in everyone is a wax figure set up in random places to appear as if the town is occupied.

While Justin and Carly search for Dalton and Wade, Blake and Paige are gettin' it on at the camp. But they're not alone, another mysterious dark figure has decided to hunt them down...and does. It appears that two brothers are the masterminds behind the whole town and killing spree. Their parents had been famous wax sculptors back in the day, and one of the brothers has taken up the hobby of turning people into wax figures for the museum.

Chaos ensues as Justin and Carly attempt to escape the town. Unfortunately their friends don't have better luck as they fall victims to the wax makers. Oh no! By the way, have I mentioned that the glamorous, slutty, platinum blonde haired, bulimic Paris Hilton... ♫ Senorita ♫...demonstrates her academy award winning acting abilities in this one. Just kidding. She doesn't display anything. But she is in it.

Villain:

The villains featured conjoined twins separated in childhood. One of them, who is the expert "wax maker" has a deformity on his face that he fixes with melted wax. He's the dumb one. The other guy is a normal looking dude, but demented.

Cast:

Elisha Cuthbert starred in this one along with Justin Timberlake…or the guy that looks like him...who is supposed to be her “twin”. Like I mention before his name is actually Chad Michael Murray, but for all intense purposes let’s call him Justin. I'll let you be the judge! Check out the photos below: Which one is Justin Timberlake? (hint: one on the right...oops..left...or is it right?).


Also starring in the flick are Jared Padalecki, Jon Abrahams and Robert Ri'chard. They round up the cast of inter-changeable characters that die. On a side note, Padalecki is going to star in the Friday the 13th remake in 2009. Oh, did I mention Paris Hilton was in it?

SFX/Gore:

There were six deaths in House of Wax. For me, that was kind of disappointing, but on the otherhand, a small cast was the cause. I'm sure they could have used a little bit more "cannon fodder".

There were good special effects used in the wax museum and end meltdown scene. The best thing about was the killer wax human making machine stored down in the basement. It kind of reminded me of one of those Jigsaw contraptions from the Saw movies. The deaths were nice and brutal. The first one to die was molded into a wax figurine by the killer wax machine.

Later on in the film when someone discovers him, the accidentally peel chunks of wax and skin off his face at the dinner table he was set up at. Now that was awesome!

And Paris Hilton DIES! *** Spoiler *** …oops...too late. Oh come on’ you didn’t see that one coming? Cry me a River. They even sold promotional T-Shirts that read, "On May 6, Watch Paris Die".

TNA:

Between Elisha Cuthbert…♫ I’m Bringing Sexyback ♫ …and Paris Hilton…the only set of tits we get in the film are waxed. Bummer! Paris does a cheap slutty take-off-my-clothes-to-the-underwear scene and then denies her boyfriend of sex. Bitch. ♫ What goes around comes around ♫

Elisha wears a nice tank top for the majority of the film…oh…and she does get tied down to a chair with duck tape and crazy glue…if you’re into that. It worked for me. The ultimate question is...which one is the hotter chic? My bets are on the one not wrapped up. ♫ This I promise you. ♫

While we have a break in the action, let's sing along with Justin now....

♫ You could be my baby ♫
♫ When I look at my lady ♫
♫ Girl, you amaze me ♫
♫ Ain’t gotta do nothin’ crazy ♫
♫ See all I want you to do is be ♫
♫ My love. So don’t give away ♫
♫ My love. So don’t give away ♫
♫ My love. So don’t give away ♫

T.Gun's Take:

House of Wax is a loose remake of classic film. They've thrown a whole demented little kid(s) in the woods factor and brought in a cast of eye candy...and whoola! We get a new hip remake.

The wax figures and museum are pretty cool looking and let's give the film credit...a wax museum is a fun idea for a horror movie. Period. House of Wax even had an unique twist ending to open up another sequel. Where is it!? They need to make more wax museum movies! Let's see we have the original, this one, Waxwork 1 and Waxwork 2...maybe I'll shut up now.

I like the wax concept surrounding the movie. The producers could of...should of...casted more cheap hot women to take off their clothes and die horribly. But Noooo...they didn't, but can’t really change that now. The best part of the museum was the wax dog trick. That was cool and clever.

Despite all the slamming I’ve given the film, I actually enjoyed watching it. I don’t know why, but I like the film. Not because of Paris or Justin. It’s because I love Elisha Cuthbert…♫ God must have spent I little more time on you ♫. She's smokin' hot! She also plays a great damsel in distress.

House of Wax was Jaume Collet-Serra’s directorial debut. The film was originally casted around Paris with everyone else filling up the holes. Thank god for Elisha… ♫ Lovestoned ♫. Well, I’ve tried to reference as many Justin Timberlake songs as I could so now I must leave. ♫ Bye Bye Bye ♫.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened May 6, 2005 and made $32 million dollars at the Box Office ($12 million opening weekend)
-Justin Timberlake has won 6 Grammy's and an Emmy
-Both Justin and Chad were born in 1981...hmm...coinsedence?