Horror Icon #3

Bumbler the Abominable Snow Man

Born: ???? North Pole, Artic Circle

Little does people know, that Bumbler is an evil killing machine. He is one of the greatest hidden villains in the world. Many are not aware of his evil plots for the destruction of Christmas and world domination. So I’m here to fill you in:

Bumbler’s hatered for Christmas all started when he was just a little yeti. It was Christmas eve and Bumbler was sitting at home putting lights on the Christmas tree with his mom, Snow Flake. Bumbler eagerly awaited for his father, Tumbler to come home from work. But hours past into the night and there was no Tumbler. Christmas came and went, and Tumbler never came home. A few days went by and the snow cave became cool. Bumbler went to the fireplace to start a fire and noticed a horrible smell coming from the chimney. Bumbler and his mom thought it was a dead animal like a penguin or reindeer, but it was far worse. The North Pole Yeti Fire Dept. came by and checked out the fireplace. Instead of finding a dead animal, they pulled out Tumbler’s dead body. Tumbler was dressed up like Santa Claus, with a red sack of presents. Tumbler must of fell and snapped his neck while coming down the chimney to surprise Tumbler and Snow Flake. Ever since then, Bumbler has hated Christmas. Bumbler blames Santa Claus for his father’s death and has sought revenge for the death of his father.

In 1964, Bumbler secretly stalked Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and his little elf friend, as he tried to sabotage Christmas. Bumbler spent years creating a Super Fog Machine, to prevent Santa and his team of reindeer from taking off into the sky to distribute Christmas presents around the world. The fog was so intense, no reindeer could see past the fog to safely deliver presents. Except for one reindeer, Rudolph. Bumbler realized this and tried to “take out” Rudolph before he could return to Santa. His plans were foiled and then Bumbler searched for new ways to ruin Christmas for the world.

Two years later, in Bumbler’s next plot to destroy Christmas, he teamed up with the Grinch. The two, secretly swore to ruin Christmas by stealing all the presents from the residents of Whoville. Bumbler was the secret master mind of the operation convincing the Grinch to do all the leg work (foreseeing any law enforcement entanglement, Bumbler could wipe his hands clean of all wrongdoing). The plan was working magnificently until the Grinch betrayed Bumbler and returned the presents.

Bitter and betrayed, Bumbler disappeared into the snow, scheming for his return eight years later. Bumbler moves down to Canada and sneaks into a sorority house’s attic during Christmas break. Many of the sisters left for the holidays, but a few remained and became victim to Bumbler’s soon to be massacre. Bumbler’s sorority massacre did not get the media attention that he hoped for, so Bumbler went back into hiding.

A couple years went by, and Bumbler had gotten a way with his massacre, but his family fortune was running low. The death of his father had given the family enough money to pay off his snow cave, but his mother’s sickness from Hair-ballitis quickly devoured the family’s remaining fortune. Snow Flake was dying, and Bumbler went out to earn money for his sick mother. Working opportunities were scarce, but Bumbler had some leads. Bumbler put off his world plans of Christmas destruction and focused in onto saving his dying mother. In 1976, a film producer named George Lucas had an opening for a role that would fit Bumbler in his movie, Star Wars. It was a space saga, and a role for a tall, hairy like alien named a “wookie” was being casted for the movie. Bumbler tried out for the role of Chewbacca and seemed to be the front runner until a terrible lice problem had struck down on Bumbler. This new sickness put Bumbler on the sidelines for quite some time, and he was not able to do the role of the wookie.

“He could have been the best,” said Harrison Ford, actor for the role of Han Solo. “The chemistry between us…”sniffling…”I’m sorry…”wipes away a tear…”was just incredible.”

After the success of Star Wars, Lucas contacted Bumbler and told him about a small role for a “Holiday Special” that was being made. The story involved more wookies, and a part for Chewbacca’s father was up for grabs. But tragedy struck Bumbler again. Snow Flake had fallen victim to Hair-ballitis during Christmas. Bumbler was unable to do the filming of the Star Wars Holliday Special because he attended his mother’s funeral. Bumbler’s hatred for Christmas grew.

Desperate for work, Bumbler began doing odd-ball jobs around the city of Vancouver. Bumbler tried working in fast food, but was fired because little kids were scared of him. He then got a job at the local post office delivering mail, but after a “freak” dog-biting incident, Bumbler was hospitalized for a leg injury. Bumbler’s recovery was long and frustrating. Bumbler became addicted to pain killer pills and “overdosed” on Christmas Eve in 1978. The night janitor at the hospital came in to Tumbler’s room and saved life.

Bumbler was grateful for his “Christmas miracle” and set out on a new path of life.

Soon afterwards, Bumbler tried out for the position of mascot on the NBA’s Seattle Super Sonics team. But during a random drug test, he was dismissed from competition due to a failed drug test. Bumbler still had an addiction to the pain killer pills. Bumbler once again blamed the holiday season for his misfortunes.

George Lucas came calling back to offer Bumbler a role in the sequel to Star Wars. It was for a snow creature called the wampa. But Bumbler’s addiction to the pills landed him in a drug rehab center in Los Angeles and he lost the role for the snowy creature.

During his stay at the drug rehab center, Bumbler met a new friend, Cobra Commander. They both had similar visions of world domination and destruction. Their new found friendship only meant disaster for the unsuspecting world. With Bumbler’s hatred for Christmas, he and Cobra Commander devised a plan to plant their seed of domination. With the help of the Cobra Organization’s scientists, they created a perfect killing creature, the Mogwai. The Mogwai is a cute loveable fury creature that turns to an evil killing machine if fed after midnight. The Mogwai had it’s own reproduction capabilities if subjected to water. Cobra Commander and Bumbler decided to sell this creation to the Chinese government. They sold the Mogwai to Sun Lo Yang, Vice President of the Kenner Toy Corporation, in hopes of distributing the Mogwai world wide as Christmas toy. Unfortunately, Sun Lo Yang was fired for embezzlement and he took the Mogwai as he retreated to China Town selling off his personal items to support his family in a basement of a Chinese food restaurant.

Cobra Commander blamed Bumbler for their failed attempt at world domination, and the two parted ways. Broke and frustrated, Bumbler retreated back to the North Pole along with a couple of scientists who were fired from the Cobra Corp. Over the next ten years, they experimented with DNA and toxic waste on Yetti’s. They created the product Rogaine and sold it started to sell it world wide. Bumbler insisted that he be the “face” of the product, but the board of directors decided that it would not be a “good idea” to have a person completely covered from head to toe with hair represent the product. Their next choice was Robert Urich.

With the success of Rogaine, Bumbler received millions of dollars in profit and invested it into a new genetic testing program. Old and bitter, Bumbler resumed his quest to take down Christmas. In 1996, Bumbler created a plan to have his genetic waste material crash into a van transporting a convicted serial killer. Once mixed with snow and the genetic waste, the serial killer would transform into a killer snowman and ruin Christmas. His trial run in a small town in Colorado proved successful, but his killer snowman was defeated by Anti-freeze.

In 2001, Bumbler joined the al-Qaeda in an effort for world destruction. During the 9-11 terrorist plots, Bumbler was to hijack an airplane and crash it into the unsuspecting town of Juneau, Alaska. Unfortunately, his plan was foiled by a Canadian Mounted Policeman, at Toronto International Airport at the security gates.

“Ya’ see this big fella’ was trying to get on the plane with a razor ya see. ‘But I recognized that he was completely covered in hair, eh! So I put two and two together eh!, and ya’ know, figurd’ out that something was wrong. Eh!” explained the Mountee.

Sentenced to eight years in Canadian prison, Bumbler claims that he has “found” God and no longer obsesses with destroying Christmas. Bumbler’s release date: December 24, 2010.

Beware of the yeti!

Happy Christmas! Happy Hanukah! And Happy Kwanzaa! Or whatever you celebrate!

Tommy Gun

Review #34: Gremlins (1984)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Steven Spielberg (Exec. Producer): Many, many films

Joe Dante (Director): Piranha (1978), The Howling, Twilight Zone the Movie (1983), Gremlins 2 (1990), Explorers (1985), Innerspace (1987), Small Soldiers (1998), Masters of Horror T.V. series

Chris Columbus (Writer): Directed: Adventures in Babysitting (1987), Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), Home Alone 1 (1990) & 2 (1992), Harry Potter 1 (2001) & 2 (2002), Rent (2005)

Zack Galligan (Billy): Gremlins 2, Waxwork 1 & Waxwork 2

Phoebe Cates (Kate): Gremlins 2, Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982), Private School (1983), Drop Dead Fred (1991)

Howie Mendel (voice of Gizmo): Deal or No Deal T.V. show

Frank Welker (voice of Stripe): T.V. Cartoon voices (Megatron – Transformers, & Misc. G.I. Joe voices)

Judge Reinhold (Gerald): Beverly Hills Cop 1 (1984), 2 (1987) & 3 (1994), Ruthless People (1986), Vice Versa (1988), Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Santa Claus 1 (1994), 2 (2002), & 3 (2006)

Corey Feldman (Pete): Goonies (1985), Stand By Me (1986), Lost Boys (1987), Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood (1996), Friday the 13th Part 4, Friday the 13th Part 5

Dick Miller (Murray): Corvette Summer (78’), Piranha, The Howling, V: the Final Battle (84’), Terminator (84’), Explorers, Chopping Mall (86’), Amazing Stories (86’), Innerspace, Gremlins 2, Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (95’), Small Soldiers

Arnie Moore (Alex): Friday the 13th Part 4

Polly Holliday (Mrs. Deagle): Alice T.V. show, Mrs. Doubtfire

Don Steele (Rockin’ Ricky Rialto): KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978)

Trailer:


Remember those furry little cute white and brown mogwai? Way before the “Furbie”, there was the mogwai. Oh yeah…there were three important rules to the mogwai:

1. Keep them away from light, especially sun light, it can kill them


2. Never get them wet


3. And most important of all, never ever feed them after midnight

But where did the mogwai come from?Gremlins.Best Christmas Horror Movie ever! I mean EVER! I know Steven Spielberg says that Gremlins is not a horror movie…but BULL SH*T! It is. It will be. And it always has been. If his name weren’t attached to the movie, it would have been rated “R”, not “PG-13”.

Anyway, one of my good friends, The Shark (famed inventor of the Shark Factor) and I decided to do a duel review of the film. The Shark isn’t a big fan of horror movies, but doesn’t cry in agony as Bookie does when subjected to them. Under his own free will, he went along with Bookie and I to see Jason X and Freddy vs. Jason on opening night at the movie theatre.

If there is a genre of horror movies he digs, then it has to be Zombie films. The Shark decided to do his review in a “diary form” of the movie, along with film times included as markers. Click Below for his review. Mine follows (a little bit longer review than normal). I can't be too harsh reviewing this movie because it's one of my childhood favorites.

The Shark's Review

In case you’ve been underneath a rock for the past twenty-some-odd years and don’t know what this movie is about, I give you a quick run down.

A failing inventor (Randall Peltzer) shopping in China Town is looking for a Christmas present for his son, Billy. An old Chinese man (BHA!) runs a flea market/junk shop located in a basement of a building. The old fart’s grandson lures Randall down into the shop in hopes of a sale.

While shopping Randall, comes across a mysterious creature (mogwai) singing and humming inside the shop and attempts to purchase the mogwai. The old fart refuses to sell the mogwai to Randall even at a steep price. The grandson secretly sells the mogwai to Randall outside of the shop for $200. The grandson tells Randal 3 important rules for maintaining a mogwai, yet he never asks the consequences of the rules.

Mr. Peltzer returns home to his family in the lovely little town of Kingston Falls and gives Billy the mogwai as a present. They call the mogwai Gizmo. A short while later, Billy is showing Gizmo off to his friend, Pete (Corey Feldman), and Pete accidentally spills a glass of water onto Gizmo. Gizmo curls up in pain and five little white furry balls pop out of Gizmo’s fur and BOOM! Five more mogwai appear. RULE # 2 is violated!

These five are not as quiet and gentle as Gizmo, and their leader appears with a white stripe of fur on his head (Stripe). The Mogwai-5 start to wreck havoc and torment Gizmo and the family’s dog. Billy takes one of them to his high school science teacher and demonstrates what happens to a mogwai when you get it wet...you know if I had some creature that no one's ever heard or seen before and multiplies when wet, I take it to my high school science teacher. He hated me. I could envision him when I brought the thing to him...

MR. W: That's nice Tom (sigh), but can you put that thing away. I'm not in the mood for any more of your jokes.

Me: It's not a joke! I'm telling the truth!

MR.W (speaking to himself): Just like when you said, "I didn't put that note 'Kick Me!' on your back." Why do I always get him in my class? This is two years in a row now! What did I do wrong God? What did I do wrong? Why can't the other science teachers get him?

Me: Come on Mr. W., it multiples when wet! See. (pour water on to the mogwai and watch it multiply)

MR.W (speaking to himself): Oh great, now he's creating a mess. It's popping out little cotton balls all over the place. Be calm. He's making a mess. Be calm. Just remember...only four more years until retirement, only four more years until retirement.

Me: See! (pour more water on it...so it could multiply more)

Back to the plot...the teacher keeps that one for examination. Later on that night the Mogwai-5 chew on Billy’s alarm clock’s cord, stopping the time on the face of the clock at 11:35. They trick Billy into feeding them food. Meanwhile at the school science lab, the guinea pig mogwai swipes the science teacher’s sandwich when he leaves at 2:30 am.

RULE #3 is violated! And by the way, what midnight do we go by? Greenwich, England midnight or Pacific Time Zone midnight? I don’t know do you? Let’s say Mountain Time Zone midnight (M.S.T.), just because no one else cares about that time zone or region of the U.S.

When everyone wakes up the next morning, the Mogwai-5 are cocooned in green slimy eggs. My first thought (if I’m Billy)…Oh sh*t, I f*cked up. I might need to kill something before these things hatch...but I’m not Billy. Instead, let’s tell mom and hope she knows what to do and then take off to do my normal day activities, leaving mom home alone with these mysterious eggs.

Later on that afternoon the eggs hatch, and those cute little Mogwai-5 turn into a vicious, killing, little green Furbies (Gremlins). The Gremlin at the school is hatched right as school ends for the day. The Gremlin kills the “token” science teacher by biting his hand and stabbing him in the butt with a syringe right before Billy arrives to save the day.

It’s weird how at the end of the school day everyone disappears from school. When Billy arrives, he just walks into a vacant school before stumbling on the dead science teacher. I know at my school there were still kids hanging around whether they were waiting for mommy to pick them up or in detention or using the library (NERDS!) or all the jocks and cheerleaders hanging out before practice.

Back to the story…Billy discovers what happens when they hatch out of the egg and flees home to save mom. Meanwhile, mom discovers the hard way, as the Mogwai-four hatch, torment Gizmo and throw him down the laundry chute and head for the kitchen.

At this point if you have realized that Gremlins like food, then you’re a moron. Yum, yum! Mom slaughters a few Gremlins in the kitchen using common household appliances. Billy arrives home just in time to see mom battling one of the Gremlins hidden in the Christmas tree and then Billy chops off his head with a sword sending the skull into the family’s fireplace. This is good sh*t!

Spike, the survivor of the Mogwai-5, breaks a window and flees out into the snowy night. Billy drops off mom at the neighbor’s house, returns and finds Gizmo trapped in the laundry chute, and then follows Spike’s footprints in the snow.

This is where I pause the movie and debate with The Shark about how water is snow in one of it’s three states of matter (solid, liquid, gas), so wouldn’t Spike be multiplying as he’s traveling through the snow. Oh well, we’ll chalk it up as a plot hole.

Billy the Tracker, tracks Spike down to the local Y.M.C.A. of Kingston Falls. Spike breaks in to the Y.M.C.A. and jumps into the swimming pool creating a spectacular visual effects scene of red, green, yellow smoke and a bubbling swimming pool. Billy sees this and freaks out and bails like a mother fucker to the local police station. Hundreds of Gremlins are created and cause trouble on the little town of Kingston Falls.

Billy rescues his girlfriend, Kate (Phoebe Cates) who is trapped working in a bar catering to a bunch of Gremlins, pouring them beer and feeding them. Back to our discussion of water and multiplying…does beer not have water in it as a key ingredient?

Billy saves the girl as they shack up to lay low in their work place, the local bank as the Gremlins cause problems in the streets of the town. Kate explains to Billy why she hates Christmas (see Shark’s review), as hours go by.

After a while, the streets are silent and vacant, so Billy and Kate and Gizmo venture out to find out what happened to the Gremlins. They discover the Gremlins in the movie theatre watching Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs, singing “I Ho! I Ho! Off to work we go!” Billy and Kate sneak into the movie theatre and turn on the gas and blew up the theatre killing the Gremlins.

Movie over…or is it? As Billy and Kate sighs relief, they discover Spike in the window of the local Montgomery Ward store eating candy. Yum, yum! Spike bolts into the store as Billy, Kate and Gizmo follow Spike into the department store. Billy gets his ass kicked by Spike inside the store as Kate bumbles around trying to turn on the department store lights. And Gizmo drives around the store in a toy Barbie Summer Corvette.

I asked the Shark, how does the car drive? Plot hole. Kate accidentally turns on the store’s display water fountain and right as Spike jumps into the water to multiply, Gizmo drives the car up a shovel ramp, sending him flying into the air taking him over to the store window blinds. Gizmo pulls down the blinds, letting in the morning sun rays, shining down onto Spike, melting him to a pulp of green goo.

Rule #1 violated! Gizmo saves the day! Old-fart Chinese dude shows up that morning and he puts in his “two cents worth of logic” to the family about responsibility of owning a mogwai and then takes Gizmo away.

Villain:

Cute little Mogwai + food after midnight (M.S.T) = green, slimy, killing, mischievous little men (Gremlins). Perfect score!

Cast:

Outside of Billy being a wussy and a little weird, I liked the cast. There could have been more hot chicks, but oh well, it’s a kids movie. Corey Feldman continues his great horror movie roles with this one.

SFX/Gore:

Only two dead bodies on the screen, go figure one of them was a black guy. Special effects were cheesy in a good way. For being early 80’s, they were pretty damn good. It was over the top slimy, and gooey stuff for the “Gremlin” look. Special effects bonus for every failed invention by Randall Peltzer:

The Bathroom Buddy: 1 pt.

The Peltzer Egg Cracker: 1 pt

The Peltzer Orange Peeler: 1 pt

The Peltzer Coffee Maker: 1 pt

The Peltzer Cordless Phone: 1 pt (he was on to something!)

The Peltzer Automatic Hammer: 1 pt

The Peltzer Multi-Fly Swatter: 1 pt

The Smokeless Ash Tray: 1 pt

TNA:

The movie should have had something more here. We get one hot chick (Shark Factor) in Phoebe Cates (pictured right…remember that scene in Fast Times of Ridgemont High as she climbs out of the swimming pool and…hmmmm). The only pair of tits we see are Billy’s as he changes his shirt in front of the way younger Pete.

What’s up with that? A nineteen-twenty something hanging around with a nine year old boy. I don’t know, something fishy going on there. Especially since he always invites him up to his room in the attic to show him "something".

Story:

Outside of the film being unrealistic the story is sound. They tricked us early on with all the cutesy stuff and then BOOM! Angry little green men killing people and causing havoc in a small town.

T.Gun's Take:

Gremlins was one of my favorite childhood movies of all time. I remember seeing this movie in the theater over and over. This movie represents the 1980’s and my childhood in many ways. They had a mini Donkey Kong video game, showed the old Star Wars arcade game, plush E.T. dolls, perms, cable T.V. line, VW Bug, clip on ties, gimmick inventions, old school video projectors for science films, boom boxes, etc.

Misc Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on June 8, 1984 and made $153 million at the Box Office ($12.5 million opening weekend)
-Gremlins was Warner Bros Pictures response to other studio's summer hit movies. Here's what also came out that summer:

Ghostbusters (Columbia Pictures) & Indiana Jones: Temple of Doom (Paramont)

Ghostbusters: released on same day and made $238.6 million at the Box Office ($13.6 million opening weekend)

Indy 2: released on May 28, 1984 and made $175 million at the Box Office ($33.9 million opening weekend)

- Downtown streets filmed on the same set as Back to the Future downtown streets
- Movie Titles on the theatre's marquee at beginning: "A Boy's Life" & "Watch the Skies", they were working film titles for Spielberg's E.T. & Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind
Indy 2 & Gremlins considered first film's with the "new" PG-13 rating.

Review #30: Halloween (1978)

Cast/Notable Credits:
John Carpenter (Director): The Fog (1980), The Thing (1982), Christine, J.C.'s Vampires, Ghosts of Mars (2001)

Donald Pleasence (Dr. Loomis): Halloween 2, Halloween 4, Halloween 5 and Halloween 6

Jamie Lee Curtis (Laurie Strode): Halloween 2

Charles Cyphers (Sheriff Brackett): Assault on Precinct 13, The Fog, Escape from New York, Death Wish 2 (1982), Major League (1989)

Nancy Loomis (Annie): Halloween 3, Assault of Precinct 13

P.J. Soles (Lynda): Carrie (1976), Stripes (1981), Devil’s Rejects (2005)

Kyle Richards (Lindsey): Eaten Alive (1977), National Lampoon’s Pledge This! (2006)

Tony Moran (Michael Myers): Halloween 2

Will Sandin (Young Michael Myers)

Trailer:


The night HE came home!

Plot:

In Haddonfield, Illinois, a disturbed little boy named Michael Myers, stabs and murders his older sister Judith Myers on Halloween night in 1963. Michael is placed in a mental hospital named Smith's Grove Mental Institute and receives psychiatric treatment over the next 15 years by a psychiatrist named Dr. Loomis.

Fifteen years later, on the eve of Halloween, Michael finally escapes and returns to his hometown Haddonfield. Pursuing Michael is Dr. Loomis. Dr. Loomis is desperate to find Michael because he believes that he is pure evil and something bad will happen if he isn't caught. Loomis also believes that Mikey is going to return to his hometown, but no one else would believe him.

Once in Haddonfield, Michael begins to follow and stalk a high school teenager named, Laurie Strode. Mikey follows and watches her from a distance, hiding behind trees and bushes along the way.

On Halloween night...the anniversary of his older sister’s death...Laurie is babysitting a little boy named Tommy Doyle. Laurie’s friend Annie is babysitting a girl named Lindsey in the house across the street. Annie convinces her to watch Lindsey so her friends can come over and party...drink...have sex.

Laurie agrees to watch the Lindsey so her friends can have fun. Laurie takes Lindsey across the street and watches the two kids at Tommy's house as Annie awaits for her friends to come over.

Mikey picks off Laurie’s friends one by one. As Laurie baby sits across the street. Eventually Laurie becomes curious about her friends after time passes and decides to venture across the street to see what's going on. Laurie finds her friends slaughtered around the house. Laurie encounters Michael and the fight for her life begins!

Villain:

Halloween marks the birth of the boogeyman...Michael Aubrey Myers...or also known as "The Shape". Mikey is a creepy, psychotic kid who grows up and escapes a mental hospital only to return to his hometown to kill people. He's a silent killer that lurks in the shadows waiting for his moment to strike. He's got black eyes...the devil's eyes and has no reason, conscious or understanding in the meaning of life or death.

Mikey hides behind a mask which is an altered spray painted Captain Kirk mask (William Shatner). Mikey's favorite weapon is a big kitchen knife which he uses to unleash hell on his prey. Halloween is the film that writes his name into the history books of iconic horror film villains. Michael is also one of very few killers that knows how to drive a vehicle.

Cast:

Along with the birth of the boogeyman, the film marks the birth of the first “Scream Queen”...Jamie Lee Curtis. Jamie does a great job in the film. Jamie plays the teenage character of Laurie Strode. Laurie's character is the horror industry's prototypical innocent, virgin girl who has a pure heart. She's the typical babysitter who gets caught up in something more than decorating Jack-o-laterns with kids.

Curtis is fabulous at being a damsel in distress as she puts on a Grade A performance as a terrified teen fighting for her life from a psychopath killer. Her performance in Halloween launches a successful movie career which early on involves a lot of horror movies.

In Halloween, Donald Pleasence is the man that creates the legendary character of Dr. Loomis. Dr. Loomis is Mikey's psychiatrist who spent 8 years trying to understand him and another 7 years trying to keep him locked up. Loomis understands that Mikey is no longer reachable and is evil.

I call Dr. Loomis...Dr. Doom N' Gloom. Loomis expresses his feelings about Michael in the way that he is the absolute anti-Christ...something other than human. Loomis believes that he's the only one who could stop Mikey...at least until the end.

The Dr. Loomis character will go on and be the secondary staple in the Halloween franchise as he survives life and death situations in the numerous sequels to come.

Laurie's two friends of Annie (Nancy Loomis...no relation to Dr. Loomis...I think) and Lynda (P.J. Soles) are very annoying and unlikable, but overly sex-charged. Hint: sex equals death in these films.

Annie is the worst of the two as her performance/character is lifeless. I just couldn't get a real good vibe that she was an average teenager. Lynda...well I just like the "juggular shots" she provided in the film.

SFX/Gore:

Halloween provided five deaths in the film while doing it in good taste...not overly gory...the use of blood is pretty rare. I think that this proves that blood, blood, blood, does not necessarily add up to make great horror movies. Sometimes it's better to leave it up to the viewer’s mind to imagine the gore rather than see it.

The low use of blood may also be explained by the film being really low-budget...I guess they couldn’t afford the effects for blood. Or maybe that's how Carpenter intended the film to be.

TNA:

Halloween has four hot chicks (Shark Factor) as the focal point of the TNA category. Besides the eye candy, Halloween gives the male audience two sets of boobies, and a sex act. Hell Yeah! The best rack is courtesy of P.J. Soles who has the best line to show off her rack:

"See anything you like?"

Now depending on what version of Halloween you sit down and see, this scene will vary. There's an Unrated NBC-made for television cut which has additional footage to make up for cuts...and you don't see P.J.'s "gifts" at all, they were partially seen on the DVD version of that cut. The widescreen version of the flick doesn't show the whole "lovelyness" either. But the full screen shows them the best.

T.Gun's Take:

Halloween is credited as the first "slasher" flick. It's the film to start all horror films. Plot is an original plot (at least back then it was), and has been copycatted many, many times since...or some variation to it. It's a simple formula of a psycho preys upon a lonely teenager and along the way her friends die.

Halloween has the classic formula (Villain vs. Heroine w/ advice from Old Wiseman) in which many horror films will use to “rip off” of. The formulic characters end up being the legendary characters of Michael Myers, Laurie Strode, and Dr. Loomis. Not bad for a film with no budget.

The setting and atmosphere of Halloween is great. The film uses a popular holiday associated with spooky and scary things and then incorporates that into a horror film. The season of fall is symbolic in many ways with death itself.

The director, John Carpenter wrote his own musical score for the film. Wow. That's awesome! The musical score for Halloween is such a CLASSIC jingle. The score will go on to be featured in many Halloween sequels to come.

Halloween is one of the best slasher flicks of all time! Many people will consider it as "THE BEST", but I don't because I'm partial to another franchise. If you've lived underneath a rock and have never seen it...then check it out!

Misc. Movie Trivia:
- Halloween released October 25, 1978 and made $47 million at the Box Office...on a budget of $325K
- Jamie Lee Curtis first featured film
- The Halloween mask is based on an altered Halloween William Shatner mask (Cpt. Kirk!)
- Cast used their own wardrobe due to no budget on the film
- No major studio wanted to pick up the film, so it was released independently
- There are multiple versions of Halloween; the theatrical and a NBC T.V. version

Review #31: Halloween 2 (1981)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Rick Rosenthal (Director): Witches of Eastwick (1992), Halloween: Resurrection

Donald Pleasence (Dr. Loomis): Halloween

Jamie Lee Curtis (Laurie Strode): Halloween

Charles Cyphers (Sheriff Brackett):Halloween, Assault on Precinct 13 (1976), The Fog (1980), Escape from New York (1981), Death Wish 2 (1982), Major League (1989)

Lance Guest (Jimmy): The Last Star Fighter (1984), Jaws 4: The Revenge (1987)

Jeffrey Kramer (Graham): Jaws 1 (1975) & 2 (1978)

Ford Rainey (Dr. Mixter): Bonanza, Gunsmoke & The Bionic Woman T.V. series

Ana Alicia (Janet): Falcon Crest T.V. series, 1 episode of Battle Star Galactica (70’s)

Dana Carvey (News reporter assistant): Wayne’s World 1 & 2, Saturday Night Live T.V. series

Trailer:


Plot:

Halloween 2 picks up immediately after the first movie. Michael Myers has vanished after falling from the second story window and Dr. Loomis is on the hunt for him. The police and paramedics arrive at the house to find all of Mikey's handy work from the night’s massacre.

Laurie is transported to the local hospital for treatment of her injuries while Dr. Loomis and Sheriff Brackett continue their search for Mikey. The two of them patrol the streets but have a hard time as they compete with pockets of Halloween costume dressed up children still Trick or Treating. Little do they know, Mikey has already tracked Laurie to the local hospital and is en route.

Once Mikey catches up with her, he picks off the unsuspecting short handed hospital staff one by one during his search for Laurie. But why is Mikey so obsessed with Laurie? Well this film finally answers the million dollar question that we've all been waiting for.

Meanwhile, at the request of Smith's Grove Mental Institute, the state governor orders Dr. Loomis to pack up his search and immediately leave town. Accompained by an U.S. Marshall and another key staff member from Smith’s Grove, Dr. Loomis is escorted out of town.

During the car ride out, the staff member reveals to Dr. Loomis that Laurie is Michael’s kid sister. Oh No! Not as shocking as “I am your father” from another movie a year earlier but everything is starting to make sense.

Dr. Loomis pulls a gun on the U.S. Marshall and threatens him back to turn around and take him to the hospital. When they arrive, the staff is all killed and Laurie is trying to escape from Mikey. After a series of events, Dr. Loomis, Laurie and Mikey square off in the hospital. Dr. Loomis shoots an oxygen tank, blowing up Mikey and him as Laurie escapes.

Villain:

Halloween features the return of "The Shape" a.k.a. Michael Myers. Mikey's played by actor Dick Warlock in the film. Wow. That's an awesome name for a dude playing a villain.

We finally learn the truth to Mikey's obsession with his sister Laurie. Mikey stops at nothing to persue her to the end. He uses many hospital gadgets to dispense of his victims in the film.

Cast:

Jamie Lee Curtis returns as Laurie Strode, but it is in a limited role. She's still the featured girl, but Laurie is pretty much drugged up and sleeping on a hospital bed through out the movie. She eventually wakes up and gives a five minute escape performance, but don't expect to see a whole lot of her. But I'm guessing that she still got paid pretty good to lay in bed all movie. Must be rough.

Halloween 2 introduces Laurie's school-girl-crush-heart-throb boyfriend is Jimmy. Jimmy is played by actor Lance Guest. Who? You know…dude from the Last Star Fighter movie and Jaws 4...yes one of sh*tty ones or the Bahamas one with Mario Van Peebles. Jimmy's somewhat of a likable character who is an ambulance driver that takes her to the hospital and waits by her side (when possible) while she heals and recovers.

Donald Pleasence returns as the know-it-all but can’t-do-anything-about-it Dr. Loomis. He's still obsessed with catching the "devil" (Mikey). Pleasence puts out an "Oh my gosh" we need to catch him or the world is going to end" over the top performance. But we still love him for it.

SFX/Gore:

During the first two Halloween movies there were a reported 16 deaths during the Mikey Rampage. The first Halloween had five deaths, so using simple math...Part 2 should have the remaining 11. I only counted 9 deaths. Oh well. There might have been some off screen cannon fodder or implied deaths.

My favorite death in the film was the whirlpool (therapy pool) death. *** Highlight to Read *** An EMS ambulance driver, Budd, and nurse, Karen, had just gotten through a session of Bump N' Grind in the hospital's therapy pool. The pool's temperature had just risen a few degrees...Mikey may have done something with that...and Budd leaves the pool to turn down the pool's temperature in the next room. Karen stays behind and is relaxing in the therapy pool as Budd gets murdered in the next room by Mikey. Mikey sneaks in the room and attacks Karen which leads to her getting dunked in the pool and scalded to death. *** End.

TNA:

Halloween 2 did the right thing and brought the TNA section up a notch. There were five hot chicks (Shark Factor) in the film. The film included a pretty good therapy pool sex scene that included boobies...and death. Hell Yeah!

On a side note, I always had a crush on actress Ana Alicia who plays Janet in the film. She also a a guest appearance on another one of my childhood favorite series...Battlestar Galactica. It was too bad that she didn’t show anything nuditywise and eventually died a horrible death. Boo! Here's a BSG picture of Ana (pictured right) Don't you love a girl with a gun?

T.Gun's Take:

Halloween 2 was a nice sequel story which upped’ the body count and brought in a whole brother-must-kill-sister relationship in the franchise. Still not as shocking as the twist in Empire Strikes Back, but nothing can top that. It gives the franchise a storyline to work with for the next ump-teenth sequels.

Halloween 2 uses the simple sequel formula equations of TNA, more deaths and more villain face time. Honestly it a mindless slasher flick that offers very little to the franchise outside of the Mikey-Laurie connection.

But that doesn't stop that from me hating it! I like this movie the best out of all of the original Halloween movies. I don’t know why...but I love sitting down to watch it more than any of the others. I know the original was made well and is still a far more superior flick, but I like this one. Maybe it’s because of the higher death count or the cool idea of slaughtering unsuspecting hospital staff.

On the topic of hospitals in horror movies...is it me or do they always find the most unlit and understaffed hospitals to portray in horror films? Usually hospitals are pretty well lit and busy, but in horror movies (like Halloween 2) it's dark and gleamy with no one to be found what so ever.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
- Halloween 2 opened on October 30, 1981 and made $25.5 million at the Box Office ($7.4 opening weekend)
- Film shot at Morningside Hospital & Pasadena Community Hospital in L.A. and Pasadena
- Dana Carvey made his acting debut in the movie
- Halloween director, John Carpenter was brought in to re-shoot/edit scenes to make the film more scary and bloodier
- There are two versions of the film that are occassionally aired, the theatrical cut and the "Rick Rosenthal Cut"

Review #32: Halloween 3: Season of the Witch (1982)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Tommy Lee Wallace (Director): Fright Night 2 (1988), IT (1990)

Ralph Strait (Buddy): Beastmaster (1982)

Stacey Nelkin (Elle): The Jerk 2 (1984), Yellowbeard (1983)

Nancy Loomis-Kyes (Linda): Halloween , The Fog (1980), Assault of Precinct 13 (1976)

Tom Atkins (Dr. Challis): The Fog (1980), Escape from NY (1981), Creepshow (1982), Night of the Creeps (1986), Maniac Cop (1988), Striking Distance (1993), My Bloody Valentine

Trailer:


I decided to start writing my movie reviews without using much cursing, so I picked this one to start off with...and it was a bad choice to stop.

In Halloween 3, Michael Myers, scratch that no Mikey…wait a second, no Michael Myers? Okay, Dr. Loomis…oops, no Dr. Loomis…Laurie Strode…nope, no Laurie. Then who the hell is in the film? Dr. Dan Challis.

Who? Beats me, but anyway, in Halloween 3…okay I can’t do this…f*ck it…this is a piece of sh*t! No Mikey! No Dro. Loomis! Not even a Laurie! WTF!

How is this a HALLOWEEN movie? Or better yet, why is it the third installment of the franchise? None of the characters from the first two films are in it. So much for the not cursing part of the review.

If no one returns to this film, so what is it about then?

A Halloween mask company are developing and manufacturing masks to kill children on Halloween. Wait...no Mikey? So why is it called HALLOWEEN 3???? Com’ on people, get your head out of your asses and call it something else, like:

The Killer Mask

Attack of the Halloween Mask

Invasion of the Halloween Mask

Or

Halloween 3: This has nothing to do with Michael Myers or any one else, we just want your money

Anyway, Dr. Dan Challis comes across a patient hurt in an attack. The patient is murdered by a mysterious man while recovering in the hospital. The patient’s daughter (Elle) starts a quest to find the killer of her father, and enlists Dr. Dan for help.

The two of them track down her father’s last days to a small town in Northern California named Santa Mira, home of a Halloween mask factory...The Silver Shamrock Corporation. Dan and Elle show up in the odd little town and eventually learn the evil plot of the company…to sacrifice kids for celestial purposes.

The company's CEO has taken the blue rock from the Stonehedge monument and is using its power along with computers to turn the Halloween masks the company produces into a killing machine. Triggered by an annoying commercial (played many, many times through out the movie) a computer chip activates and kills who ever is wearing the mask. The mask crushes the skull, and insects and snakes pour out of the body. Holy Sh*t, this is some pretty f'd up sh*t they're trying to pass on the audience here.

If I haven't established that this movie probably shouldn’t have been called Halloween 3 then let me go on the record. It shouldn't have been called Halloween 3. There...it's official now. I'm not going to call it Halloween 3 anymore, so I'll call it H3. Please Rob Zombie...don't call your third sequel to Halloween, H3. I know nothing's out yet, but eventually they'll get up to that point.

H3 might have made it successfully on it’s own with a different name. The title itself gets all the horror geeks excited to see Mikey once again. Halloween equals Mikey.

John Carpenter (owner of Halloween) thought it would be a good idea to make a stand-alone movie every Halloween about some different evil Halloween tale. That's a good idea, but DON’T use the franchise name especially after having the second one feature the bad guy from the first. You're just toying with the audience now.

The box office receipts backed up the fans disappointment as the movie tanked in theaters and has been ridiculed through out time. At least the next Halloween movie brings back Mikey to the screen. And everyone’s happy once again.

Villain:

No Mikey, but instead we get a bunch of Halloween mask satanic devil worshipers (SDW's) creating masks to sacrifice people. BULL SH*T! The three killer mask (Pictured right) consists of a Jack-o-lantern, Ghost, and a Witch mask.

Cast:

I was extremely disappointed with this film, so nobody in the cast really appealed to me. Except maybe Elle...if she would have got naked. Tom Atkins plays the main guy, Dr. C in the film. He's a great horror movie bit-part actor. He stars as the cop in the movie, Night of the Creeps.

SFX/Gore:

I give the film credit, they do score nine deaths but the majority of them sucked. H3 also had some big time cheesy special effects involved in the film...yes, I'm looking at you SDW scene at the end.

There were a couple Michael Bay explosions in the film...ah yes, the master would be proud. There's nothing better than "FIRE!"

When the halloween masks melted...or whatever they called it...and possessed the host, a bunch of creepy crawlers came out. It was good, but really puzzling. How do creepy crawlers come out of the human head?

TNA:

H3 gave us three hot chicks (Shark Factor), no boobies, a shower scene, some bondage, and a sex act. It was like a heartbeat of excitement and disappointment.

And it did probably give out the best and funniest line ever. Dr. Dan just had sex with Elle and then he ponders the question, “How old are you?” That’s freakin' awesome! Have sex first with the chick and then worry about her age later. What a brilliant idea. Shark: is that a line of defense just in case things don't turn out the way they should?

T.Gun's Take:

If it wasn’t for the fact that they tried playing this off as Halloween 3, the movie didn’t have that bad of an idea. A lot of whacked ideas in the movie (robots, Stonehedge rocks, just to name a few). And just a piece of good advice:

If you’re taking a tour of a mask factory and you see all the steps to making the mask EXCEPT for the “final processing” (which happens to be in a secured location that is not accessable to common folk) you might want to skip town. Just some good horror movie surviving advice from me. You never know when they'll lure you into a room for a free "testing" of the mask.

No Mikey! WTF? I can’t believe I wasted this much time talking about this movie.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Halloween 3 opened 10/22/82 and made $14.4 million at the box office ($6.3 opening weekend)
-Jamie Lee Curtis is the voice of the town’s curfew recording
-Nance Loomis-Kyes played Annie in original Halloween; she plays a completely different character in this movie.

Review #33: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Dwight Little (Director): Anacondas 2 (2004), Murder at 1600 (1997), Free Willy 2 (1995), Marked for Death (1990)

Donald Pleasence (Dr. Loomis): Halloween, Halloween 2, Halloween 5 and Halloween 6

Danielle Harris (Jamie): Halloween 5 and Halloween, Urban Legend

Ellie Cornell (Rachel): Halloween 5, House of the Dead 1 (2003) & 2 (2005), Room 6 (2006)

Beau Starr (Sheriff Meeker): Halloween 5, The Corruptor (1999), Speed (1994)

George Wilbur (Michael Myers): Halloween 6

Sasha Jenson (Brady): Ghoulies 2 (1987), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

Kathleen Kinmont (Kelly): Bride of Re-Animator, Renegade T.V. Series (Cheyenne) (Pictured right)

Gene Ross (Earl): Friday the 13^th Part 4

Carmen Filip (Jack): Alligator 2 (1991), Beverly Hill Billies (1993)

Trailer:


Plot:

Ten years after his Haddonfield massacre on Halloween night, Michael Myers is still alive but comma-tized in a section of a secure federal prison.

Someone decides it's a good idea to transport him back to Smith's Grove Mental Institute (where he was previously incarcerated as a child). During transportation, Michael over hears one of the doctors in the vehicle mention that Laurie had a daughter that lived in Haddonfield. Laurie was his sister...so her daughter is his niece. This triggers Mikey to come out of his coma and wreck some havoc causing the vehicle to crash and allow him to escape.

If you haven’t guessed it already…Michael returns to Haddonfield to kill his niece, Jamie. Emergency response teams to the crash believe everyone in the crash to have died in an explosion...case closed. One person doesn't believe this was a freak accident and believes that Michael still lives and that person is none other than...drum roll please...Dr. Loomis.

Yep. The good ole' doctor returns for the fourth installment of Halloween. Just like Mikey, he was presumed dead in the explosion at the end of Halloween 2. But amazing script writing and ingenuity brought them both back to the big screen.

Dr. Loomis finds out that the feds transported him with out his permission and tracks down the convoy only to be a step or two behind them. He's the only one that believes Mikey lived the crash and will once again return to Haddonfield.

“He’s a monster!” as Dr. Loomis repeats many, many times through out the Halloween movies. We love him...don't we?

Michael returns home to find his niece and promptly kills the local police, knocks out the telephones and power through out the city. Man he’s talented! Haddonfield is now helpless and out of contact with the world as Mikey strolls the streets looking for his niece.

Dr. Loomis arrives just in the nick of time to warn everyone...at least the one's left. Loomis, Jamie, her foster sister (Rachel), two remaining cops, and a couple of token kids decide to barricade themselves in a house while they wait for the State Police to show up and save them from Mikey.

WTF? Two local police “hide” inside a house waiting for back up? It’s called, why don’t you get in your F*CKIN’ cars and drive the hell out of dodge! Or use your training and take the mother f*cker out!

Moving on…Michael picks off the people in the house one by one (funny how that happens) and then Jamie and Rachel flee the house to hide in the local school. Why? I don't know. But guess who tracks them down in the school? Shortly afterwards the action moves on to the road with a bunch of Michael Myers Mob-Lynchers. Before we know it, the escape car crashes, Michael gets run over, shot, and blown up into a mine shaft/hole in the ground…the end. Or is it?

Villain:

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers does what the title says...returns Mikey to the big screen. Forget the P.O.S. (piece of sh*t) called Halloween 3, H4:TROMM brings the franchise back on track. Mikey finds himself back as the headline for part 4 but I have to say, he looked a little different/weird at times in the film.

Actor George Wilbur gets the nod to portray the notorious Michael Myers. Like I mentioned, he looked a little "off" in the film. Mikey is not as scary or creepy as he did in the original two. I think it’s because he puts a new mask on. Studios are always f*ckin' with the designs of the masks. Wilbur kind of looked like Uncle Fester in the shoulders at times.

Just like how Jason became undestructable in Part 6, Michael finds himself carrying that persona in this one. No single bullet can stop him. The only way to defeat Mikey is to out run him.

Cast:

Just when we thought that we had seen the last of Dr. Loomis...they squeezed some more blood from the tulip. Loomis becomes even more over the top "Mikey is a monster!" in this film. I didn't think that was even possible, but Loomis starts to become more annoying as these sequels pile up. Loomis once again is always in the wrong place at the wrong time when it comes to finding Mikey.

Halloween 4 brought in a cheap addition of Mikey's “niece” Jamie, but since it created a role for the beautiful Danielle Harris to blossom in, I gave it a pass. Harris was young back then (Pictured right), but she grows up fairly well. Jamie's backstory is very vague, leaving us knowing that she is the child of Laurie Strode, who had died in a car accident. Don't worry when H20 comes along, everything about this storyline and past is completely ignored.

The rest of the bunch was not too terrible to watch on screen considering the story they had to work with. They were just a bunch of stereotypical "insert here" deaths for Mikey. Instead of the Sheriff Brackett and daughter Annie in the original two, we get Sheriff Meeker and his daughter Kelly. If it looks like a rip off and smells like a rip off then it probably is a rip off.

I also noticed that the character of Brady had a huge uni-brow. That's all I could picture every time he popped up on the screen, I just starred at it in "aw". Uni-brow's suck.

SFX/Gore:

Halloween 4 equaled the total of the first two films by adding sixteen deaths to the total in the film. Not bad. But there were not a whole lot of gore in the deaths or period. Many of the deaths in the film were "off screen" or just “flashed by” (quick glance as they died and camera moved on).

Michael Bay would be proud as the film featured a couple of special effects spectacular explosions in the film...okay just kidding, they weren't anything to get all excited about. In fact they were pretty cheesy in their own doing.

The FX for the film weren't all that great as we see in the roof sequence towards the end. The roof was supposed to be wet from rain and such, but I couln't tell. It was actually pointed out to me when I was watching the "Making of..." DVD extra on the film. If it was pulled off right, the direction of a slick roof was to make everyone's footing hard handling due to the slickness. I guess I completely missed that one. Thank God for DVD extras.

TNA:

Halloween 4's eye candy included four hot chicks (Shark Factor)…and a reverse Shark Factor. What’s a reverse Shark Factor? Danielle Harris was like ten in the film, and she’s smokin’ hot now (Pictured left) at the age of 30. She’s similar to my age, so I’ll count her as a hot chick.

The Return of Mikey featured one sex act and a partial set of boobies in it. Kathleen Kinmont from Renegade T.V. series (pictured below) tries to show off her twins, but the lighting and camera work prevents us from getting a good look at them. By the way do you remember the T.V. series Renegade? Lorenzo Lamas, Bobby Sixkiller...ringing any bells?

T.Gun's Take:

Halloween 4 marked the triumphant return of Michael Myers back to Haddonfield to try and kill yet another relative that he wouldn't know what they looked like. How original. At least they tried to fill in some gaps and create a storyline after being away for 10 years...only to say a big "F-you!" when H20 hits 10 more years later.

One of my biggest gripes came with the idea of “shacking up” in a house while they wait for help. Man that was dumb. For crying out loud, hit the road! This was only to be topped by an even dumber move when they fled to the school. Come on, whose gonna hide in a school at ten o’clock at night. School's locked up at night...no one's there! Doesn’t that sound like a trap…one way in, one way out?

I did like the nice twist at the end of the film. It paid some good homage to the original film. The twist also proves a little something about hereditary. I actually didn't expect that from a film that featured countless minutes of B.S.

Hey, at least the franchise got back on track after that P.O.S. named Halloween 3. The Return of Michael Myers wasn't horribly bad, it was just enough to satisfy a little Mikey craving. They did bring Mikey back into the mix and introduced a new character storyline for the next film or two. Really...who didn’t see a sequel coming on?

Misc. Movie Trivia:
- Halloween 4 opened Oct. 23, 1988 and made $17.7 million ($6.8 opening weekend)
- Melissa Joan Hart (Sabrina the Teenage Witch...pictured below) auditioned for the role of Jamie

- Was filmed in springtime so...leaves were imported and squash was painted orange to look like pumpkins