Review #27: I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

Aubrey Fleming (Lindsay Lohan) is kidnapped, tortured and presumed murdered. Well, the film sounds pretty good so far. Her body is found seventeen days later with a severed right forearm and leg. She is put in intensive care at the hospital. When she wakes up…she is not Aubrey!

She believes that her name is Dakota Moss. On top of it, she lives a totally different life style compared to Aubrey, including her being a stripper. Wow, Lindsay has found her true calling in life...a stripper! This is puzzling to the doctors, detectives, family, friends, and let's not forget the viewers of the movie. Dakota (Stripper Lindsay) claims that she has no idea who Aubrey Fleming (nerd Lindsay) is. Is this person really Stripper Lindsay or is she Nerd Lindsay?

The rest of the movie is centered around finding the killer and whether Lindsay is the Stripper or the Nerd. Or both. Or none. I prefer Stripper Lindsay, but at this point the world already hates me and I have no input in the matter.

Anyways, smoke n’ mirrors, suspense and mystery, and bad acting follows. I Know Who Took My Hour & Forty Minutes Away From Me.

Cast & Notable Credits:
Chris Sivertson (Director)

Lindsay Lohan (Aubrey Fleming/Dakota Moss): Parent Trap (1998), Freaky Friday (2003), Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), Mean Girls (2004), Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005)

Neal McDonough (Daniel): Minority Report (2002), Walking Tall (2004), Flags of Our Fathers (2006), The Hitcher (2007)

Brian Geraghty (Jerrod): Jarhead (2005), We Are Marshall (2006), When a Stranger Calls (2006)

Paula Marshall (Marnie): Hellraiser 3 (1992)

Villain: 2/10 pts

I Know Who Killed Her. Really. It was supposed to be a murder mystery movie, but I guessed the killer out really, really early in the film. It wasn’t too tricky to figure out. But some people say I have the knack for stuff like that.

Cast: 5/10 pts

I Know Who Was Cracked’ Out & Couldn’t Act, and as far as the rest of the cast is concerned…they sucked too. Check them into rehab also. I Know Who Wants To Pop Out of This Top! (pictured right)

SFX/Gore: 3/10 pts

I Know There Was Not A Lot of Deaths. What type of movie is this? There were only two deaths. You’re bustin’ my balls here. I give the movie props for it’s cruel torture scene, but that lasted like two minutes. It was the only decent two minutes of the film. For Christ's sake, show more of that if you’re gonna have a suck-filled plot. I Know That More Deaths Would Have Been Better.

TNA: 4/10 pts

I Know Who Didn’t Show Off Their Boobies. The only set was a flash-by-boobing by one of her co-worker strippers. If Dakota Moss is working as a stripper, how come she doesn’t flash anything? I’m just saying, if you’re gonna create this as a storyline back ground, then you better bring the goods. It was like a cheesy Lifetime Original Movie. Show more goods. At least surround the rest of the strip club up with topless eye candy!

I Know Lindsay Had A Stripper Pole Sequence, but it wasn’t that great. At least wear a lot of clothes and then strip down a little bit down to you undies before you start your dance. At least Stripper Lindsay had sex with Nerd Lindsay’s boyfriend to prove that she wasn’t Nerd Lindsay. That little She-Devil!

Story: 5/10 pts

I Know That There Could Have Been A Better Movie Here. Some where in there was a descent idea. Some where. I Know! The whole smoke and mirrors storyline sucked donkey balls. As for the end of the film…WTF? It seemed that the film makers didn’t even know how to end this one. Did the last 5 pages of the script get rolled up into little drug sniffin' pipes for Lindsay? Was that supposed to be a twist ending? Was the audience supposed to go, "Oooh" and "Ahh" in astonishment? It seemed like they had a couple endings and ended up flipping a coin to decide on that ending.

And by the way, why was Snoop Dog the physical therapist for Lindsay? All of a sudden, Lindsay gets new prosthetic limbs, and walks into the therapy room and...Boom! Snoop was there. (Actually the dude looked like Snoop)

"Hey Lindsay!Whatz up girl friend? R’ u chillin’ like a g’zillion n’ down wit the bazillin’?"

I don’t know what that means, but it sounded cool, Dogg.

"Letz get 2 thee back room n’ smoke sum wacky weed doggy style. ‘Cause ya down with the dogg. Watch my new shizzlin' T.V. show Fatherhood! Peace out - shizzolator...Snoop.”

And don’t get me started on the…after one physical therapy session "I know how the walk perfectly" scene. I Know That’s Bull Shit!

T.Gun Factor: 38/50 pts

I’m lucky I rented this on dollar night at the local video store because…I Know Who Took My Dollar. I think I want my dollar back. No…I Know I Want My Dollar Back.

I thought Captivity was a disappointment but this one takes one step further. I’d rather watch Herbie: Fully Loaded over and over again before I sit down and waste time watching this piece of crap again. I Know Who Ripped Me Off!

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on July 27, 2007 and made $7.2 million at the Box Office ($3.5 million opening weekend)
-Lindsay Lohan's DUI arrest prevented her from doing the film's promotion
-Won a record 8 Razzie Awards (The Year's Worst Awards)

Grade: 57/100 pts = F

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