Review #43: Scream (1996)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Wes Craven (Director/Janitor):

Neve Campbell (Sidney): Sream Trilogy, Party of Five T.V. series, Wild Things (1998), The Craft

David Arquette (Dewey): Scream Trilogy, Eight Legged Freaks (2002), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

Courteney Cox (Gail): Scream Trilogy, Friends T.V. series, Masters of the Universe (1987)

Rose McGowan (Tatum): Deathproof/Planet Terror, Jawbreaker (1999), Devil in the Flesh (1998), Phantoms (1998), Ready to Rumble (2000), Bio-dome (1996), Encino Man (1992), and Charmed T.V. series

Matthew Lillard (Stuart): Ghoulies 3 (1991), Wing Commander (1999), 13 Ghosts (2001), Scooby Doo 1 (2002) & 2 (2004)

Live Schreiber (Cotton): Scream Trilogy, Omen (2006), The Hurricane (1999), Jakob the Liar (1999), Phantoms (1998), Sphere (1998), Ransom (1996)

Jamie Kennedy (Randy): Scream Trilogy, Bowfinger (1999), Three Kings (1999)

Drew Barrymore (Casey): E.T. (1982), Cat’s Eye (1985), Firestarter, Poison Ivy (1992), Batman Forever (1995), Charlies Angels 1 (2000) & 2 (2003), Donnie Darko (2001), 50 First Dates (2004)

Henry Winkler (Principal): Waterboy (1998), Arrested Development & Happy Days (Fonzie) T.V. series

Trailer:


The first of the 1990's "Fab 4".

Wes Craven makes a comeback in the horror industry with this movie. He pumps the “juice” into horror movies making them more modernized and realistic. The plot is simple…unknown killer seeking revenge on a goody two shoes girl and her friends.

Scream starts off with Drew Barrymore cooking Jiffy Pop popcorn on the stove waiting for her boyfriend to come over to watch a scary movie. She receives a phone call for a mysterious stalker who is watching her from the outside. He toys with her and quizzes her about horror movies in order to save her life. If she answers wrong to a question, then she dies. I'm liking the start to the film!

She (Drew pictured right) bluffs the caller by threatening that her boyfriend is coming over any minute now. Little does she know that he is being held captive and dies because she answers a wrong to a question the killer asks. Eventually the killer disguised in a ghost costume comes after her and kills her. Her parents come home and find the mess. Boo hoo.

The next day, the high school is shocked about the killings and the film sets up the main characters and...the stereotypes they fit in. Sidney (the troubled virgin/heroine), Tatum (the bestfriend), Stu and Randy (the pranksters), Billy (the mysterious horny boyfriend), Gail (the snoopy news reporter), Dewey (the in empted cop), and the Fonze (the principal).

We learn that the focal point around the movie turns out to be Sidney. Her mom was murdered exactly a year ago by a deranged serial killer, Cotton Weary. She’s become dark and depressed over the course of the year...basically turned into a Goth chick...just kidding! Her father leaves town on a business trip and harassing phone calls by the killer start pouring in.

Left alone and scarred, the killer attempts to go after Sidney, but is interrupted by her boyfriend and the cops. The killer flees and Sidney stays with her best friend and idiot cop brother for protection. Johnny on the spot to interview Sidney is Gail, the slimy reporter.

Gail continues to pry into Sidney’s current situation because Gail has hit it big with a book publishing from the Cotton Weary murders. Any smart business man would be saying, "Can you say sequel?"

The town is rocked by deaths and imposes a curfew and temporarily suspension of school. Stu holds a party at his house remotely located in the hills. Party goers are picked off one by one as the killer closes in on Sidney. At the end we get the whole damsel in distress chase scene followed by the revealing of the killer and the mastermind plot behind the killings.

Villain:

Film created an icon killer (at least the costume set up). Those costumes are even more popular during Halloween time. Craven created a cash cow here.

If you haven't seen the killer...pictured right...yes it's Ghost Face. I actually like the Scary Movie spoof of the mask...the one with the tongue rolling out from the "Whatz up!" stoned look. G.F.'s favorite weapon of use: the knife. ***Spoiler Highlight to Read *** Ghost Face turns out to be a multi-killer. * End.

Cast:

Scream offers a better cast than most horror films, at least from a budgetary perspective. Wes Craven brought some life into the film by making the characters more realistic, and lively. It also helps that the audience knows the characters from previous/future jobs.

My favorite characters from the film are Stu (Lillard or Shaggy) and Randy (Kennedy). I thought that they brought some good humor to the film. Sidney (Neve)on the otherhad, well…if I had my way, she would have died. That probably would have killed the whole "trilogy" thing though. I'm not a big fan of Neve Campbell's acting...or her just in general.

Courtney and Rose (pictured left) spent the film doing nothing (besides being annoying), but they did bring a huge element to the film...eye candy. It was great to see The Fonze in a limited role. He's awesome!

Unfortunately Scream creates a "cast mold" for future 90's horror films to come. One key element that was puzzling...there was no "token" cast memeber. What's up with that?

SFX/Gore:

There was a total of seven deaths in the film, using good special effects on them. Scream did actually bring back the gruesome killing style of slasher serial killers.

Scream used more creative deaths rather than the "gross you out" type of deaths. For the most part, it stuck to the knife being the main weapon of destruction. None of that one stab in chest-fall-over-and-die B.S. They proved when you get stabbed, you got stabbed to death...they made it count!

TNA:

Scream filled up the screen with eye candy for the men and women movie goers. For the men, there were at least 6 hot chicks to gaze at. For the women...well...I'm not a good judge at grading hot men, so I'll go with a ball park figure of 6 as well.

The film did have the key moment of the virgin finally losing her virginity, not really shown in a true "pornographic style"...and there were no female "twins" involved. Bummer. At least you can look at the great eye candy. Here's another picture of Rose for ya. You can never have too much Rose, can ya?

T.Gun's Take:

This movie set the standard for later rip off slasher flicks to come...at least it revitalized the slasher genre. Scream also staked a claim in the ground by adding the unique “who dunnit” killer twist, which eventually will get over used.

Although I’m not a huge “Scream” franchise fan in any sorts, I have to give it some respect for putting horror movies back on the map. I get sick of hearing people state that Scream is their favorite horror movie because it’s so scary. Whatever! Most of those idiots never saw the original haymakers back in the day. They only see the iconic figures as the heroes that numerous sequels have turned them into.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened December 26, 1996 and made $103 million at the box office ($6.35 opening weekend)
-List of people that auditioned for the role of Sidney: Drew Barrymore, Melissa Joan Hart, Molly Ringwald, and Reese Witherspoon
-List of people that auditioned for the role of Tatum: Rebecca Gayheart, Melinda Clarke,and Charlotte Ayanna
-Freddie Prinze Jr. auditioned for the role of Stu
-Movie killer based on a true life Florida serial killer named, “The Gainesville Ripper”
-The janitor in the school is director Wes Craven, wearing a Freddy outfit (minus make up and glove)
-Dewey was originally supposed to die, but popular screen tests favored him to live. Damn!

Review #44: Final Destination (2000)

Cast/Notable Credits:
James Wong (Director): The One (2001), Final Destination 3 (2006)

Devon Sawa (Alex): Idle Hands (1999), Extreme Ops (2002), Devil’s Den (2006)

Ali Larter (Clear): Varsity Blues (1999), Drive Me Crazy (1999), House on Haunted Hill (1999), Legally Blonde (2001), Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back (2001), Final Destination 2 (2003), Resident Evil: Extinction, Heroes T.V. series (Pictured below)

Kerr Smith (Carter): Cruel Intentions 3 (2004), Dawson’s Creek & Charmed T.V. series

Tony Todd (William Bludworth): The Candyman

Kristen Cloke (Ms. Valerie Lewton): Black Christmas (2006), Space: Above and Beyond T.V. series

Seann William Scott (Billy): American Pie 1-3, Road Trip (2000), Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), Evolution (2001), Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back, Bulletproof Monk (2003), The Rundown (2003), Dukes of Hazzard (2005), Ice Age 2 (2006), Mr. Woodcock (2007)

Daniel Roebuck (Agent Weine): The Fugitive (1993), U.S. Marshalls (1998), Agent Cody Banks 1 & 2 (2003, 2004), Devil’s Rejects (2005), Halloween, Lost & Matlock T.V. series

Amanda Detmer (Terry): Saving Silverman (2001), The Majestic (2001), You, Me & Dupree (2006)

Brendan Fehr (George): Disturbing Behavior (1998), Roswell & CSI: Miami T.V. series

Chad Donella (Tod): Disturbing Behavior

Trailer:

Technically released in 2000, but it was made in the late 90's...So number 2 of the "Fab 4".

A high school senior, Alex, has a premonition of the airplane carrying his senior class from New York to Paris exploding shortly after take off. Alex abruptly wakes up to find himself still waiting to board the plane. Startled by his dream and eerie similarities to the events that happened in it, Alex freaks out and causes an uproar on the plane.

As he pleads for others to believe him, a fight breaks out between him and angry classmate passengers. Hence, security arrives and escorts the brawling passengers, and two teachers off the plane. A total of eight passengers are taken off the plane (but the airline accommodates one teacher to get back on ~ for adult supervision purposes), and denies the remaining passengers travel on this particular flight. As Alex and others (mainly Carter) continue to fight and argue on the departure gate, the plane takes off and then…explodes in air shortly after takeoff. Alex happened to be right. The kid has a gift.

In the aftermath of the explosion that killed 287 passengers, the seven survivors all ponder their explanations and beliefs for what happened that night. The remainder of the school year becomes awkward for the surviving kids. Alex is believed to be the cause of the crash and resented and feared. A few are thankful and embrace him and believe that he can see the future. While the federal government is suspicious of the boy, but one thing is certain…they cheated death. Or did they?

As we learn from mortician extraordinaire Tony Todd (a.k.a. the Candyman) DEATH has a designed plan for everyone. In the mean time, the survivors are temporarily saved from the inevitable. But DEATH catches up to them. Alex sees what is happening as the survivors are picked off one by one and believes that he can cheat the “pattern or design” that DEATH has come up with.

DEATH mysteriously comes up with a unique accident to kill each of the seven that had escaped its original plan for the passengers of Flight 180. Now Alex and company must fight for survival…can they cheat death? Or will DEATH cheat them? I will give you a hint to when DEATH strikes…John Denver’s “Rocky Mt. High” plays in the background…and then a death. John Denver…death. John Denver…death. Truer words could never be spoken.

Villain:

It’s DEATH. How can you grade it but HIGH? The only thing cooler would have been the Grim Reaper appearing to kill people. Not the one from Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. (Pictured right) That would have been terrible. Let's not forget John Denver's part in the film. Music...death.

Cast:

Insert the same ole’ disposable teen filled cast in to film. It seems like the only difference is that none of them were really part of popular WB shows at the time (outside of Kerr Smith).

And why the hell isn't Claire spelled right in the cast!!? It's written as "Clear", but I think of it as clear, as in see through. Damn yuppie parents and their "unique" spelling of their child's name!

For some odd reason Devon Sawa reminds me of Elijah Wood. As long as he doesn't start a homosexual relationship with another hobbit, I'm fine.

SFX/Gore:

Well 287 people did die in the initial plane crash. Does that really count? Probably not, but if it did, then zombie movies would kick *ss. Oh wait...they do! The actual body count is five deaths. 292 would have been a good number too.

There were some descent explosions in the film and the DEATH special effects were pretty good and intriguing. Outside of the initial plane explosion we get: hanging/strangulation, being hit by a bus, glass to the throat, knife to the chest, beheading by metal debris, and smacking by a huge neon sign.

TNA:

There were five hot chicks and…nothing else. These 90's flicks suck when it comes to the "forbidden" side of human nature. We do get Amanda Detmer though. Amanda Detmer is hot! (Pictured right) Book me in for her final destination!

T.Gun's Take:

The overall storyline is a nice idea about DEATH coming back around for the second time against cheaters. I think it's a good solid foundation for a plot. It even sets up endless amounts of sequels. FD is also a breath of fresh air from the "who dunnit" genre that was being milked to the bone during the late 90's. Simple, yet elegant. We know who the killer is...Death. And Death's coming for you. Should Death be capitalized? Is it a proper name? It's kind of like the opposite of God, and that's capitalized. So shouldn't Death be capitalized? Random thought.

Final Destination isn’t my favorite of the “90's Fab 4”, but I gotta say, it’s the most successful franchise out of them. It continues to spit out sequels to this day even. The fourth installment is set for 2009.

It probably ranks number 4 out of the 90's Fab 4 on the initial release. But as for the franchise, it's number one out of them. The other three has a huge drop off quality as each sequel is made. (Urban Legends has the most extreme drop off)

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Opened March 19, 2000 and made $53.2 million at the box office ($10 million opening weekend)
-Footage of plane wreck was actual footage from TWA Flight 800 that crashed in July of 1996
-John Denver songs are played numerous times before death scenes, Denver died in a plane crash on October 12, 1997
-Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst both auditioned for roles of Alex and Clear (probably wouldn’t have made a good couple on screen…no chemistry)

Review #42: Urban Legend (1998)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Jamie Banks (Director): Valentine

Jared Lito (Paul): Fight Club (1999), Girl, Interrupted (1999), American Psycho (2000), Panic Room (2002), Alexander (2004)

Alicia Witt (Natalie): Law & Order: Criminal Intent T.V. series

Rebecca Gayheart (Brenda): Scream 2, Jawbreakers (1999), Urban Legends (2000), Santa’s Slay (2005), Nothing to Lose (1997), Earth 2 T.V. series (Noxzema girl pictured right)

Michael Rosenbaum (Parker): Smallville T.V. series (Lex Luthor for Christ’s sake!)

Joshua Jackson (Damon): The Mighty Ducks 1-3 (1992,1994,1996), Scream 2, Cruel Intentions (1999), The Skulls (2000), Cursed, and Dawson’s Creek T.V. series

Tara Reid (Sasha): Cruel Intentions, American Pie 1 & 2 (1999,2001), Josie & the Pussycats (2001), Van Wilder (2002), Devil’s Pond (2003), My Boss’s Daughter (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005)

Danielle Harris (Tosh): just in case you forgot...pictured right

Natasha Wagner (Michelle): Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992), High School High (1996)

Robert Englund (Prof. Wexler)

Brad Dourif (Gas Station Attendant)

Trailer:



Film #3 of the "Fab4"

At a remote New England college, a mysterious person stalks and kills students for revenge. The students are killed one by one by various methods that coincide with a death of an urban legend.

In the opening sequence of the movie, Michelle is driving down a highway late at night returning to her college. She stops off at a derelict gas station to fill up with gas. The gas station attendant (Brad Dourif a.k.a. voice of Chucky) is a creepy stuttering dude who draws Michelle away from her car and locks her in the garage of the gas station.

Michelle concludes that he is trying to kill her or something and she bolts and drives off quickly. But little did she know that he was trying to warn her, as he shouted out to her as she drove off, “There’s someone in the back seat!” Uh oh.

A few minutes later guess who gets her head chopped off while driving and lip singing to Bonnie Tyler’s ♫ “Total Eclipse of the Heart” ♫ song by a hooded axe swinging psycho?

Next we’re introduced to the young cast of the film as they sit in on an “Urban Legends” course taught by Robert Englund (a.k.a. Freddy). Why couldn’t my college have “Urban Legends” courses? That would have rocked. Or even “slasher” or homicidal maniac courses? Man, my college career was robbed.

Anyway back to the cast…we have Natalie (the virgin/heroine...pictured right), Brenda (the best friend & Noxzema girl), Parker (the frat boy), Sasha (the slut...played by Tara Reid...insert your own joke), Paul (the heart throb wannabe boyfriend/love interest), and Damon (the prankster…also the dude from Dawson’s Creek…Ahh!!). On a side note: Joshua Jackson was an early front runner to play Anakin Skywalker. I’ll let you ponder that thought.

The group sits in on class as Freddy goes over popular urban legend theories and tries to disprove them; for instance, the soda-pop rock theory. UL says: If you drink a soda pop right after downing a package of pop rock candy, then your stomach explode or something like that. If that were true, I would have been dead a long, long time ago.

(Check it out...KISS on a Coke bottle...hmm...I knew they're the driving force behind evil. Rob Zombie knew!!! Remember: K.nights I.n S.atan's S.ervice)

But for the suspense of the film, let’s just say it’s possible. So we get a volunteer from the class to prove the theory wrong and it’s none other than….the Dawson’s Creek dude. So he goes up to the front of the class and puts on a show, pretends that he’s choke to death only to build suspense for the sake of suspense and then burst out in laughter as horrified classmates (the dumb ones) look on.

Afterwards we move on with the film and learn that Michelle (the dead chick) was best friends with Natalie during high school and the two of the shared a mysterious past together. The plot thickens.

We’re introduced to a couple of other characters in the film like Reese Wilson (the school’s campus security cop), Tosh (Natalie’s gothic roommate and hottie Danielle Harris), Dean Adams (the school’s dean who hates Natalie because of a troubled mysterious past she’s had), and a creepy janitor.

One by one associates of Natalie disappear and are murdered in ways of death by urban legends. The first one of them being the captain of the pee wee hockey team Mighty Ducks (or Dawson's Creek boy). Some of them she witnesses and nobody believes her of the disappearances. All the murders are performed by a mysterious winter parka hooded figure who mostly wields an axe around.

The film offers twists and turns of suspense as we try to figure out the killer in another late 90’s who-dunnit horror movie. Who is the killer? The creepy janitor? Freddy? The Dean? One of the friends? Or an unknown identity from Natalie’s past? Well the end of the film explains everything, I guess you’ll just have to sit down and watch it.

On a lighter note, here are some of my top 10 urban legends that weren't explored in the film. Not having these in the film disappointed me.
1. The Lochness monster. Come on' where's ole' Nelly?

2. The third gunman on the grassy noll. I know they know the "real" assassin for JFK. They're part of Hollywood. Oliver Stone knew, and I'm sure they know.

3. Area 51. Where's the aliens. Not even Roswell, NM? Something's going on here. The truth is out there.

4. Big Foot. Not just the monster truck, but the big fur ball himself. What a perfect movie to squeeze him into.

5. Masturbation makes you blind. Blind people want to know the truth.

6. The origin of the Baldwin family. Where do they come from? I know they're aliens that have taken over Hollywood. They have to be! Come on' they appear almost in every movie. Let's see here...we have Alec, Adam, Stephen, William, Daniel...do I need to go on?

7. Step on a crack and break your mother's back. A perfect death scene!

8. The mystery of the gnome. Wizard or lawn decoration. You decide.

9. Crop circles. We need an explanation. Maybe a movie about them...wait, never mind...I saw the movie Signs. Boy did that suck.

10. The shoe to penis size ratio. Myth or science?

Villain:

A mysterious hooded winter coat wearing psycho with a big axe that stalks his victims. Bonus points for: ***Spoiler *** Being a chick. Not just a chick, but it was the Noxzema girl. Highlight to read. The killer uses "urban legends" methods to kill…sort of…at least they try to.

Cast:

It was a typical cast of eye candy (for both genders) casted from popular 90's television shows. Alicia Witt fills the shoes of the lead female, Natalie. Natalie has troubled past that leads to her emotional breakdown in the film. And then she overcomes that to be the heroine. If you go out on a limb and call her character that.

Besides her, no one really had any performance that was great or above and beyond. If there was a good performance, it would go to the Noxzema girl, Rebecca Gayheart.

SFX/Gore:

Compared to the other 90’s franchises, it ranks amoungst the top in body counts. That's the way to do it! There was a total of eight deaths in the film. None of the deaths happened to be too gory or over the top. My favorite death happens to be the “Draino” death.

TNA:

Still no boobies. Five hot chicks, no sex acts and a couple of bondage scenes…but still no boobies. I’m starting to dislike these 90's movie franchises. Look to the right...I bet she's willing to give it up...even if we have to dangle a little baggie of coke in front of her! The owner of those fun bags below happens to be Tara Reid.

T.Gun's Take:

Hey, you gotta admit that it was a cool idea of using urban legends to commit murders. I just wish that there had been more “urban legend” style of deaths involved in the film. That would have been super! The movie seemed to get a way from that a little bit, but I guess you can’t plan every murder that way. But you can try harder!

Urban Legend is one of my favorite movies of the 90’s bunch. Unfortunately the film may have been the worst of the four, but I like it any way. I liked the smoke and mirrors idea and the movie provided enough good twists to hide the identity of the killer. I honestly pegged the killer in the movies Scream and I Know...Last Summer before I was able to peg the bad boy in this one.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
- Urban Legend opened September 27, 1998 and made $38 million at the box office ($10.5 million opening weekend)
- Many references to Freddy in Professor Wexler’s office
- Sarah Michelle Gellar & Jodi Lynn O’Keefe both auditioned for the role of Sasha, but backed out due to scheduling conflicts with their other projects (Buffy & H20)
- Latin motto of the university featured on the emblem in scenes translates into ***Spoiler*** “The Best Friend Did It” Highlight to read

Review #41: I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)

The #4 of the 90's "Fab 4" franchises to put the horror movie industry back into the spot light.

Cast/Notable Credits:
Jim Gillespie (Director): Venom

Jennifer Love Hewitt (Julie): I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, Can’t Hardly Wait (1998), Garfield 1 (2004), & 2 (2006), Party of Five & Ghost Whisperer T.V. series (Pictured right)

Sarah Michelle Gellar (Helen)

Ryan Phillippe (Barry): Cruel Intentions (1999), Flags of Our Fathers (2006)

Freddie Prinze Jr. (Ray): I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, Wingcommander (1999), Scooby Doo 1 (2002) & 2 (2004)

Public Service Announcement #1: Don't watch Wingcommander. Even if it's gonna show the next Star Wars trailer.

Bridgette Wilson (Elsa): Billy Madison (1995), House on Haunted Hill (1999), Extreme Ops (2002)

Anne Heche (Melissa): Six Days Seven Nights (1998), Psycho (1998)

Trailer:



Four recent North Carolina high school graduates (Julie, Ray, Helen, and Barry) spend their last summer together partying, having sex on the beach, driving drunk, and hitting a dude with their car while driving drunk on a deserted highway late at night.

Public Service Announcement #2: Don’t drink and drive.

So the mysterious dude lies “dead” on the side of the road while the four teens ponder what to do with him. They consider the elements of what’s going on. First of all, they’re all drunk, which means:

1. Drinking and driving is a crime…I think it’s called something like a D.U.I.

2. They’re all underage teenagers…which translates into…they shouldn’t be drinking in the first place.

Secondly, they just hit a man and possibly killed him with a car. If you factor in that they’re drunk and throw in a possible dead man…and you get…you’re screwed.

Ray is panicking because he was driving, while Barry whines because Ray was driving his brand new car and the cops won’t believe that he wasn’t driving, Helen stands there trying to fool herself and pretend nothing happened, and Julie is the sole voice of reason who givens into peer pressure. So what should they do?

A: Call the cops and see if they could save this person’s life
B: Go with Helen’s idea: Click your heels three times and pretend nothing happen and drive off
C: Check his wallet to see if he’s loaded and leave him for dead
D: Heave his body off a boat dock into the ocean and hope the ocean current takes him away so his body never returns

If you answered option:
A: Then you’re a good citizen and the movie would have ended quickly
B: Then you’re an idiot.
C: Then you could have a great career in crime, and I applaud you.
D: Then you either wrote or directed this movie.

Take a guess on what they did? The movie continues.

Public Service Announcement #3: Don't kill people.

So they heave the body off the dock into the ocean to cover their tracks. They make a pact with each other...”no one is ever to talk about this ever.” I mean EVER!

Summer ends and Julie leaves state for college, Barry takes off to college to begin a football career, Helen moves to New York to pursue an acting career and Ray…well…he stays in town and becomes a fisherman on a boat. Go Ray. Way to exert yourself.

Flash forward one year later:

Ray and Julie have broken up with each other, dido with Helen and Barry and they all hate one another. The once I'm-so-in-love-with-you-couples-let's-have-sex-and-many-many-children-with-each-other couples now can't stand one another. Gee, I didn't see that one coming.

Public Service Announcement #4: Don’t have sex until you’re married. (Do as I say, not as I do.)

Julie returns home for the summer from college and receives an anonymous letter stating, “I Know What You Did Last Summer”. Oh my god, some one knows. So Julie tracks down the other three to find out if they sent out the note. She discovers that Helen’s career failed and now works in her sister’s clothing store, Barry is still a spoiled rich prick who has returned home for the summer, and her sweet-sweet Ray is a winner and working as a fisherman on a boat.

All of them each received a note and they don’t have a clue on who sent the note. The rest of the film they are stalked by a mysterious trench coat wearing fisherman with a mean, big ass fishing hook.

Public Service Announcement #5: If you’re being stalked by a crazed maniac and you happened to oft a dude the year before, it’s in your best interest to head out of dodge.

They are each individually picked off one by one until the mysterious fisherman figure reveals himself at the end of the movie to Julie. Doesn't Jennifer Love HugeTits look like a girl that would do something like that? (Pictured below)


Villain:

I got to admit that the bad guy was pretty creepy and brutal. For the whole movie he concealed his identity with his face hidden underneath the hood of the trench coat. Through out the movie, he patiently stalked the victims and swung a mean ole' hook at his victims. Unfortunately he didn’t kill all that many. Bummer!

Cast:

It was a typical late 90’s horror movie cast, which included many actors from popular T.V. shows. It included one of my personal favorite actresses, Sarah Michelle Gellar (Pictured left). Buffy rules! On the other hand it did have her present day hubby, Freddie Prinze Jr. What does she see in him? Come to me, Sarah…pleeeasse! I know you love me.

The rest of the cast was fairly decent. The other piece of major eye candy was Jennifer Love HugeTits. She was the main lead, the damsel in distress turned into tough, kick *ss chick.

Her "love interest" in the movie was Freddie P., and he just walked around "all mopey and puppy eyed". Didn't work for me. Maybe the ladies, but not me. Ryan Phillipe was the "tough", prick football player in the film who alienated himself from the bunch after the heaving of the old man off the dock and into the ocean.

SFX/Gore:

On the death charts, the movie simmered with a low death total. BOO! There was a total of five deaths in the movie, which for a horror movie...isn't much.

Accompanying the small body count were state of the art special effects. But that didn't really mean much with the low body count outside of them being in the cheesy category.

My favorite death was the kid in the fish locker. Let's just say he went out brutally to the hands of the fish hook. By far the worst death in the movie was: *** Spoiler *** (Highlight to read) Buffy. Never Kill Buffy. The death itself wasn't even shown in it's entirety. BOO!

TNA:

Well, along with the casting of popular television shows you get the downside affect…no boobies. Boo! You’ve got Jennifer Love HugeTits, Bridgette Wilson (Pictured Right), and the lovely Buffy. D’ya think one of them is gonna show the goods. Yeah, didn’t think so. That’s where they HAVE to cast a random chick to show the twins. Any ways…there were 2 sex acts on the beach and a total of 5 hot chicks.

Public Service Announcement #6: If you want to see boobs, then skip out on late 1990 horror movies that star popular Dawson's Creek, Party of 5, Friends or Buffy the Vampire Slayer chicks.

T.Gun's Take:

Well it was an interesting revenge story to say the least. I’m not sure how many people would actually act the way the four did in the beginning after hitting the dude with the car. I guess people could do that, but what do I know, I don’t drive home drunk. Alcohol does impair judgment. I guess alcohol = stupidity.

It was the second of many late 90’s movies to use the who-is-the-killer-keep-you-guessing tactic. So when I watched it, that tactic didn't turn me off as it would with it's overuse in future movies. If you can't come up with a cool iconic killer, then make the audience guess several hundred times on who the real killer is. It seemed to work for about...two horror movies.

I liked this movie, mostly because of eye candy. Buffy and Jenny Love HugeTits. It could have been done a little bit better (show boobies and higher body count), but overall I was satisfied with it. At the time this came out during the late 90’s, I was just glad the horror movie industry was coming back to life.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
- Film opened on October 19, 1997 and made $72.2 million at the box office ($15.8 million opening weekend)
- Sarah Michelle Gellar and Jennifer Love Hewitt auditioned for opposite roles
- Was based off a novel by Lois Duncan who wrote about her daughter’s death in 1989
- No one would pick up the script until the success of Scream

Review #40: Hatchet (2007)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Adam Green (Director)

Tamara Feldman (Mary Beth): Dirty Sexy Money T.V. series (Pictured right)

Joel Moore (Ben): Dodgeball (2004)

Deon Richmond (Marcus): Van Wilder (2002), Scream 3 (2000)

Kane Hodder (Victor Crowley)

Mercedes McNab (Misty): Adams Family 1 (1991) & 2 (1993), Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel T.V. series

Joleigh Fioreavant (Jenna): Just hot...(Pictured right)

Tony Todd (Rev. Zombie): Candyman & Final Destination series

Robert Englund (Sampson): A Nightmare on Elm St.

John Carl Buechler (Jack Cracker): Friday the 13^th Part 5 Director

Adam Weisman (Halloween skeleton): Halloween, The Toolbox Murders (2004)

Trailer:


While vacationing in New Orleans during Marti Gras, a couple friends decide to take a “haunted swamp tour” in the swamps at night. Unfortunately, the tour boat gets stuck in a swamp that lays home to the ghost of Victor Crowley.

Victor supposedly died years early when a couple mean teenagers who picked on the deformed boy set his house on fire. His father arrived home and tried to save Victor. He tried chopping down the front door of the burning house to free his trapped son.

What he did not know was that Victor was pressed up against the door as he chopped the door down with a hatchet. Victor’s dad accidentally chopped through the door and hit his son in the head with the hatchet. Victor’s dad died years later and Victor’s ghost now haunts the swamp they lived in. The group now faces death and revenge from Victor Crowley.

Here's a running diary of the movie (a tribute to Shark)!

Beware: It contains spoilers (highlight to read) and...pretty much the whole movie/plot. So if you don't want to know what happens...skip down a long ways!

Somewhere in 2005 – I hear news about a cool horror flick called “Hatchet”. It’s labeled as “old school 80’s horror”.

2006 – I hear raving reviews about the movie on the internet, but no release date yet.

Early 2007 – Hatchet to be released in April!

April 2007 – Moved back to September 7, 2007

September 2007 – Movie will be “limited” release. Fuck!

September 7 – No theatre in the state of Colorado will show it. Damn it!

Late September – Release on DVD December 18…Finally!

December 18, 2007 – Go to store to buy film…sold out. WTF! Go to second store…sold out. Son of a bitch! Go to third store…and I get the last copy! Wahoo!

Movie itself:

0:20 – Freddy’s (Robert Englund) on rowboat fishing for gators with his redneck son on a cold night in a swamp.

2:30 – Freddy is calling his son a queer as his son attempts to take a leak off the side of the boat. He comments that he’s a queer because his son has to squat to take a leak. Hey...maybe it’s a medical condition. It could be some psychological thing that disables him not to be able to piss as he stands up. It could happen.

3:33 – Freddy gives in and pulls the boat over to the shore shortly after an alligator almost bites his son’s pee-pee off. His son goes over by a tree to finish his business. Meanwhile, I’m starting to get the feeling that those two aren’t alone as we hearing movement in the bushes.

5:00 – Freddy’s dead! And his son shortly follows as he gets his arm ripped off and guts ripped out of the body. Right now, I’m a little...not little...VERY disappointed because of the over use of gore. A couple camera shots of blood just splattering up against trees really didn’t do it for me.

6:00 – Opening credits and a Marilyn Manson song plays as we watch an underwater camera sequence find it’s way through the swamp and to a sewer system and up into the streets of New Orleans. Kind of reminds me of the movie Alligator, with the whole gator in the sewer feel…I’m weird like that. As the camera pans up to Bourbon St. and college students partying on the streets of Marti Gras.

7:00 – We get our first flash of boobies from a chick upholding the Marti Gras tradition.

7:08 – We get four more chicks lifting their tops up for our viewing pleasure.

7:52 – Six more sets of boobies from girls on a balcony looking down at the partying.

8:27 – Opening credit music fades away and we get our first glimpse at the lead characters of the movie (Ben & Marcus) as they maneuver their way through the crowded streets. It’s the dude from Dodgeball (Joel Moore), you know the skinny dude that falls in love with the eastern European ugly chick. His group crosses the street to a more quiet area just off to the party’s side. And he starts bitching about being there.

8:57 – Another shot of a chick smoking a cigarette with her shirt up above her little gum drops.

9:05 – Worse quote of the movie…Ben cries, “Haven’t you seen enough boobs?” WHAT? What man would ever say that? Anyway, whiney ass goes on to convince his three friends to take a “haunted swamp tour” instead of hanging around drinking and seeing boobs. Apparently he’s broken up with his girlfriend just right before the trip and is now depressed. Did he break up with her because…HE DOESN’T LIKE BOOBS?

10:05 – Ben takes off to find a swamp tour while his other two friends pretty much says “Thanks, but no thanks.” And Marcus (token black guy – Deon Richmond) reluctantly goes along with Ben.

10:38 – Ben and Marcus are walking down the sidewalk and pull up to some Swamp Tour business and sees a “CLOSED” sign on the door. So what would a normal person do? Leave. But no, Ben decides to knock on the door anyway. And guess who answers? Tony Todd, the Candyman (for those who don’t know, there is a horror movie franchise called the Candyman. And he also appears in the Final Destination franchise.) So the Candyman goes on to tell a spooky story of why he doesn’t do swamp tours any more. It’s because of what happened that one night. Highlight to find reason why he doesn’t do tours: BECAUSE: ( someone slipped on the boat and sued him. Yep, sued him. No deaths, or anything like that, sued him.) Didn’t see that one coming. So the Candyman sends them down the road to another swamp tour business.

14:15 – Ben and Marcus head on down the street joking about some chick Marcus slept with who had crabs. Ben says, “That’s what you get for dating a chick whose always itching herself.” Foreshadowing. They turn the corner and the see a chick throwing up on the sidewalk. A little too much bourbon in her tummy.

14:25 – Ben and Marcus enters the swamp tour business. It looks like a little voodoo pawn shop.

14:45 – Mercedes McNab (Misty) and Joleigh Fioreavanti (Jenna) show off their tits to an amateur film director named Shapiro.

14:52 – Misty & Jenna lesbo kissing.

15 Minute Recap:
- Freddy’s dead. And son.
- 14 different sets of boobies
- 1 chick throwing up
- Candyman telling a wonderful story about…(getting sued). * Highlight *
- Dude from Dodgeball being a puss and hating boobs
- Lesbo kissing

What a start to a movie!

15:25 – Misty and Jenna bickering about each other and the film telling us how dumb Misty really is. She’s never heard of NYU.

16:14 – Some really bad, over-the-top acting Asian dude (Shawn, the tour guide) with a bad accent enters the room. He charges Ben and Marcus $40 bucks each to go on the swamp tour.

17:10 – The cast enters a short yellow school bus to leave for the tour. Here we meet the remainder of the victims cast. An older Canadian couple (The Permatteo’s), and a quite mysterious girl named Mary Beth (Tamara Feldman). Marcus grabs a seat next to Jenna and Ben sits next to Mary Beth and then begins his pathetic attempt at picking her up. He congratulates her on having two names for her first name, and complements her coat. When he asks her if she has pets, Marcus smacks him on the back of the head from across the aisle.

18:52 – Mary Beth finally shuts down Ben’s attempts and the bus leaves for the swamp. The background music plays some campy Dink, Dink song (like the from Spaceballs with the Jawa rip-offs).

19:52 – Marcus “works” his magic on Jenna as everyone starts to introduce themselves and get acquainted.

20:39 – Shawn, the tour guide, starts his piss poor history lesson of the city of New Orleans as they drive through the city out to the swamps. He gets corrected several times as it becomes obvious that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

22:28 – Bus arrives at the swamp during the night and Misty and Jenna show off the goods to the camera one more time as the Canadian couple watch in ah. Every one gets onto a crappy pontoon boat decorated with Christmas lights.

22:59 – There’s an old fart in a small fishing boat in the swamp yelling at them to warn them not to enter the swamp. No one hears this as Shawn attempts to start the boat. It’s funny because he even attempts to whistle, but has no teeth, so nothing comes out. Shawn calls him Jack Cracker, the local guy who drinks his own piss.

24:17 – Shawn finally gets the boat started as the drive off, and Jack says, “Y’all gonna die.” And then he drinks a jug of his own piss. By the way, the guy who plays Jack is John Carl Buechler, the fucker who directed Friday the 13th Part 5. Yes…the shitty one.

24:24 – The group strolls through the swamp waters as Shawn continues to give a dumb history lesson about the swamp as he reads cliff notes about the history off cue cards.

26:30 – Shawn finally gets to his version of the Victor Crowley story and goes on telling them that Victor yells out “Daddy” through out the night. His story corrected by Mary Beth shortly afterwards. He mutters out, “Daddy” under his breath. Oh…my…God that is just too cheesy.

28:19 – Shawn pulls the boat over close to the shoreline and turns off the boat’s lights so every body can see the “ghosts” rising from the swamp. White lights appear. Everyone on the boat tells Shawn that they are just marsh vapors from a chemical reaction between the water and swamp gas.

28:48 – Marcus peeks over at Jenna as she scratches her crotch. The crabs joke comes full circle! And now Marcus is turned off by her. Shawn flips the lights back on and we get a quick glimpse of Victor Crowley retreating into the woods.

29:44 – Misty and Jenna once again show the goods to the camera.

30:01 – Ben starts attempt number two on Mary Beth and it’s just as pathetic.

30:57 – Shawn gets the boat stuck on a fallen derelict tree branch from the shores. Marcus, Ben and Shawn attempt to push the boat off from the tree branch.

31:29 – It starts to thunder and rain.

31:43 – Misty attempts to call the cops on her cell phone so they can send the police. Can’t tell the difference between the two. But has no “signal bars”. How convenient. Why is she the only one with a cell phone in today’s day and age?

32:45 – Water starts to leak onto the sides and sink the boat.

33:56 – People panicking as Canadian dude attempts to walk across the tree branch to land. He slips on the branch and cracks his nuts on the “wood”. Pun! An alligator pops out of the water and bites his leg. Mary Beth pulls out a gun and shoots the gator.

34:14 – Boat starts to sink faster as everyone panics and they begin their daring escape across the tree branch above gator infested waters. Misty freaks out and sits on the branch blocking traffic as three people fall off the branch into the water. The water’s not deep as you can tell the actors are trying to make it more dramatic than it really is. It’s like two feet deep as they scramble around. Two people get to shore as Shapiro fucks around in the water as they show an approaching alligator coming toward him. He flops around in the water some more and attempts to swim in the two feet of water. WTF? Just stand up and run! Anyway Shapiro completes his amazing escape and gets to shore as the gator swims off. Everyone’s relieved and safe. Wait a second…can’t gators walk on land? Oh well.

37:18 – Everyone has their “come to Jesus” talk with each other and we learn that Shawn just moved out from Detroit and started working for the tour business last night. The gun toting Mary Beth reveals that her dad and brother went out fishing in this swamp a few nights ago. Freddy and son. And she’s out her to find them and is carrying the gun for protection because the Victor Crowley legend is real. And Misty still can’t get any cell phone reception. The group continues on land through the swamp to find a road.

39:18 – Mary Beth tells the Victor story.

43:35 – Story finish and people don’t believe her as she points to the Victor Crowley house that sits just up ahead of them.

45:00 – The group continues towards Victor’s house and Ben states, “Everything’s gonna be alright.”

46:19 – Everyone stops in their tracks as a mysterious howl of “Daddy” is cried out into the night twice. They freak out and start to head back. The Canadian couple pretty much say “fuck it” and move on towards the house.

47:30 – Victor comes running out of the house towards them. Victor looks like a deformed shirtless elephant man in overalls.

47:38 – Victor picks up a hatchet and starts to butcher (the Old Canadian dude) in the shoulder down to the ribs.

48:00 – Victor grabs (Old Canadian chick) and pulls a T-Rex kill from King Kong on her. He rips her jaw apart splitting her head and leaving the tongue wiggling around. Nice!

48:15 – Mary Beth shoots Victor with the gun and he falls as everyone else bails out into the woods.

49:18 – Mary Beth regroups with the others and we find Marcus hiding up in a tree. He can see the city on the horizon. Misty has lost her cell phone, and they notice (Shapiro) missing from the group.

51:55 – We catch up with (Shapiro) and find him wandering through the woods. He stops and hides in a bush. Victor finds him and twists his head off.

53:20 – Marcus and Shawn argue and fight with each other as the group finds Shapiro’s camera bag. Inside they find a flashlight and his wallet. They discover that Shapiro is actually Samuel Bennett the computer analysis and has a business card of Doug Shapiro movie producer. We learn that others have secrets too. Shawn accent is fake, Jenna didn’t go to NYU, she went to Hofstra instead, and Misty has fallen for the movie director stunt three times already.

56:15 – The group finds (Shapiro’s) dead body.

57:04 – Misty’s cell phone starts ringing off in the bushes. Paula Cole’s ♫ “I don’t wanna wait for our lives to be over” ♫ song plays as the ring tone. You know the Dawson’s Creek theme song. They track the phone down and they end up back at the house. And the phone won’t let Misty call out.

58:16 – Ben and Mary Beth decide to enter the house to find weapons. They discover a bunch of eaten dead animals and Mary Beth’s dead brother and dad (Freddy).

101:46 – Victor pops out of a bush and cuts (Jenna’s) face off with a electric sander. Come on’ power tools? And they all run off.

102:45 – (Shawn) returns to grab the flashlight and is caught by Victor. Victor swings a shovel and takes off a leg and then uses it to chop off the head.

103:01 – Victor picks up the nearly dead (Jenna) and lowers her onto the shovel pole that is planted in the ground.

104:28 – The survivors regroup and start talking as Victor shows up again. Ben stabs Victor in the back with a pitchfork and everyone flees again. They group forms up again and they decide to fight back and they devise a plan. Get this…they’re gonna try to “burn” him by using old gas cans that Ben saw in the house.

106:24 – They return for the house…again.

108:18 – (Misty’s) head comes flying at Ben who is gathering up old gas cans inside of the house followed by (her body trunk – arms, and legs ripped off). Victor pops onto screen and starts attacking Ben. The others show up to help him fight Victor off.

108:54 – Ben successfully lights Victor on fire and Victor falls to the ground in flames.

109:19 – It starts to rain again. Wait a second when did it stop? Any way…the rain starts to put out the flames on the burning Victor. Ben and the others flee into the woods again, but this time past the house.

110:19 – Not raining anymore…and the find a cemetery and start looking for the entrance.

111:07 – Victor finds them in the cemetery and chases them around. They all converge on the locked gate and fall to the ground in a dog pile. Victor lies on top of Ben and drools saliva into Ben’s mouth. All three fight off Victor and flee back into the cemetery.

112:24 – Victor catches (Marcus) and rips his arms off to kill him.

113:18 – Ben throws up.

114:01 – Ben and Mary Beth return to the swamp as a steel pole comes flying out of the sky like a javelin and lands on Ben’s foot trapping him to the ground. Victor comes running out of the woods towards them. The two angles the pole towards the running Victor and he runs into the pole stabbing himself in the chest dying. As he dies, he spits blood into Ben’s face.

115:28 – They find Freddy’s boat and hop in and row off into the night.

117:16 – Mary Beth starts bandaging Ben’s foot and they start sobbing and weeping. Ben says, “We’re alive, we made it.” If you watched the film, I’m sure you’ve noticed every time Ben says something comforting, the opposite is about to happen.

117:19 – Something pulls Mary Beth into the water and she gets caught in the underwater trees.
118:02 – Under water shots of Mary Beth struggling in the weeds looking up towards the surface. We see Ben’s hand come through the water and reach out for her. Kind of like Frodo and Sam in the end of the Fellowship of the Ring. But not as gay.

118:18 – Mary Beth grabs Ben’s hand and gets pulled out of the water, only to find it’s Victor holding Ben’s ripped off arm with Ben lying in the boat bleeding to death.

118:30 – Mary Beth screams in Victor’s face as he holds her out of the water face to face with her.

End movie.

Villain:

Kane runs around swamp as a deformed guy slaughtering teens/twenty somethings...sounds familiar? He uses a hatchet to kill some, and pure strength on others.

Cast:

It was an okay cast. My favorites were Deon and Mercedes. Deon played a great scared black dude and Mercedes continues her success at a dumb hot blonde. I still can't picture Joel Moore in any type of lead role, didn't really enlighten me with this performance.

SFX/Gore:

I have to admit I was a little disappointed in this department. The body count was good at eleven, but the over use of blood/gore kind of turned me off. The kills were sweet, but I thought the continuing spraying of blood was a little excessive.

TNA:

Well the film did deliver a homerun ball here. A dozen plus two sets of breasts. Not bad. See what happens when you mixed Marti Gras with a horror movie. Great idea! I know the majority of them went by quick, but at least Mercedes and Joleigh continued to hold strong. No sex though, we do get a couple of lesbian kissing scenes. The beautiful, and ditsy Mercedes McNab...(side boob)

T.Gun's Take:

I liked the idea of a swamp killer. However, I didn't like the fact that the victims were just running around in a circle coming back to the same house for slaughtering. There was a good amount of humor and a diverse soundtrack attached through out the movie. The film did manage to unite three horror icons on the same screen. Way to go!

I wanted to love this movie much, much more, but couldn't.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
- Film opened on September 7, 2007 in limited release
- Was the last production to shoot in Louisiana before Hurrican Katrina hit
- Film trailer was made and promoted on the internet to create hype for the film before any actual film shots were made