Remake or Not to Remake?

Normally, I’m not a big fan of remakes. They are a cheap way of making a quick buck and they often insult the audiences and fans of the originals. I’ve thought about the recent remake phase and thought of some reasons why we actually need them…at least as long as they are done right and tastefully and some reasons we don’t need them.

Reasons for:

1. Special effects, baby. You can have much, much cooler deaths. Some films were limited in this area by budget alone. Cheesy deaths were invented to compensate for this area. It’s not the director’s fault. Some times no matter how much they shot the scene, something didn’t come out right. So they had to settle on what they had to work with. I’m not saying that you need to have awesome deaths that have to top the previous, but just be practical in your filming your deaths. You can still have cool deaths without using unnecessary over the top gore. Gore does not necessarily have to be present. Some of the scarier deaths are the ones not seen, but imagined instead or heard. Also, getting the color, feel, and look of blood in the film can be redone in some films. It seems like you could watch two or three horror movies in a row from back then, and have a different look to the blood used. Bright red blood, dark red blood, clumpy blood, thin blood. Obviously, this is an area that can be improved.
2. Villains need to be villains! Villains are now heroes. I’ve been to the theatres to see the latest Jason, Freddy, Michael Myers, and Chucky movies, and I’ve noticed that horror movies aren’t really horror movies any more. The fans cheer for the bad guys to kill. When the franchises were first starting out each one of them was pretty good and scary in their own way. As each one made more sequels they began to parody themselves. Each movie began to lose its horror movie feel because they just pile up bodies, make funny quotes or come up with outrageous plot lines just for the sake of making another (insert icon) movie. I’ve fallen victim to this, but I still remember the times when these bad guys were actuallyscary and evil opposed to being the “hero” of the film. The new current generation of horror fans didn’t get to see the films as they started in their pure form. They’ve had the luxury of seeing all nine or ten of them in a row while pounding down a few brewskies with their buddies. The modern world has “mocked” them in parody films only contributing to the diluted view of what they originally stood for. Now a days (insert icon) is the hero of the film and we cheer for him to kill the victims, we don’t root for the cast members any more. Hence, we’re not scared at these icons any more. We might as well insert them into X-men roles.
3. Hotter Women! As I’ve gone back and started graded these films, I think Oh God, these women aren’t attractive. Man look at the hair! Look at the outfit! Now we can use today’s standard of hot women (thin, scantly clad outfits that will never die with time) and insert them into the film and the film goes up a couple notches in greatness. Although it is tougher to find actresses to show the “goods”.
4. Production. Some older films I watch, I can’t tell what’s going on at times because the lighting or film quality sucks. Sometimes it works in their favor, because it builds suspense and lets the imagination do the work, but other times, it’s just damn annoying.
5. Original idea was good, but the film sucked. Yes, we’ve all seen that movie where the idea was good, but the product just sucked. It’s not a bad idea to revamp it.
6. Introduces the character/idea to a new generation. If it’s done right it could be a powerful tool.

Reasons Why We Shouldn’t Remake:

1. Cheap way of making money. Throw in a legendary icon or movie and it will make money…at least the first week. If you build it, they will come. Yes I’ve fallen into this category, but have also fought it. Typically the scripts suck, characters are paper thin, use of gore is way too over the top, less nudity, and get slapped with that damn PG-13 rating! Why bother?
2. Some things are better off the way the are. That’s what makes them great. This is probably where I’m going feel after the upcoming Friday the 13^th re-imagining/remake comes out. The original is awesome because the killer isn’t Jason, but his mother. Now they want to insert Jason into the role. With the hockey mask. WHY!? I’m just as happy with another installment. You don’t have to redo the whole franchise just to get the popular character in it. Mommy does the dirty work in the first. And the mask didn’t come around until the 3^rd movie. I know it was a genius move, but not having the mask in it doesn’t subtract anything from the previous two. Friday has the most plot holes and continuity errors out of all the franchises. Sure I would love to see everything redone in some type of order that fits, but not at the expense of shifting Jason straight to the beginning.
3. Bad remakes will lower the franchise’s value. Let’s say they do fuck up the new Friday and pisses off the fans. It will just diminish the other films. Like the Matrix series. After watching the third installment, it seemed to mysteriously “dragged” the other two down with it. Same thing with Saw. The first one is great, but the others were crap and “lessen” the first because of their crappiness. A bad remake could do the same thing. Just the cynical attitude alone that people have when they first hear of the remake already puts the film behind the eight ball. Now add in a bad film, and the franchise suffers.
4. Over gore usage. It’s hard for most directions not to use technology to it’s fullest. But with paper-thin writing that gets attached to the script, filmmakers try to compensate with higher unnecessary body count and over the top gore.
5. World’s technology has changed. It’s tough to do a killer-in-the-woods-damsel-in-distress movie when everyone and their brother has a cell phone. Cheap way out: no cell reception. Fuck that. Also, when is the last time you had problems starting your car? That trick just doesn’t work the same any more. Back then it was easy for a car to be flooded, or broke and not start. I don’t buy it in today’s world.
6. It’s a small world after all. There aren’t too many places in the world, where a town or road isn’t too far away. Those plots of “out in the middle of nowhere with no help” is pretty hard to believe. It seems every where there’s a housing development going up or a new shopping mall being built or both, and the world is getting smaller and compact. Trying to find remote locations is more difficult. Even road trip movies push the limits. If someone set their mind to it, they could get cross-country by car in two or three days, and that’s coast to coast. Some movies “milk” the fact that they go two or three states in two or three days and have their car break down on some isolated highway. Don’t buy it. Traffic sucks any more. I would be glad to find an “isolated” highway. But it just doesn’t exist.

Here are some comparisons

Original Vs. Remake Films:

Halloween (1978) vs. (2007)

Favorite to watch: Remake (eye candy)

Better Movie: Original

The Hills Have Eyes (1977) vs. (2006)

Favorite to watch: Remake (original sucked in my opinion)

Better Movie: Remake

When A Stranger Calls (1979) vs. (2006)

Favorite to watch: Neither (not a fan of either)

Better Movie: Original (example of why not to remake)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) vs. (2003)

Favorite to watch: Remake(eye candy/ wheel chair boy annoying)

Better Movie: Original

The Fog (1980) vs. (2005)

Favorite to Watch: Original (new one sucked)
Better Movie: Original

The Thing (1951) vs. (1982)

Favorite to watch: Remake

Better Movie: Remake

Dawn of the Dead (1978) vs. (2004)

Favorite to watch: Remake
Better movie: Both

Both films are kick ass. Hard to compare.






House on Haunted Hill (1959) vs. (1999)
Favorite to watch: Original
Better movie: Original







There are reasons for and against remakes. If they're done right, then go for it. If you're trying to make a quick buck then leave alone.

Horror Icon #4

The Alien.
Born: ????, first appearance in 1979.
Where: ????







Horror Movies:
Alien (1979)
Aliens (1986)
Alien 3 (1992)
Alien: Resurrection (1997)
Alien vs. Predator (2004)
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

The "Alien" is one of my favorite movie monsters of all time. The Alien is a pure killing machine. To quote the words from the Terminator movies..."It can't be reasoned. It can't be bought. It's a killing machine."

The movie "Alien" first appeared in 1979, and was considered "the most influential of modern action pictures". Many films have ripped off of Alien in many ways. It was both considered a Science Fiction film and a Horror movie at the same time. The sequel, "Aliens", is one of my favorite movies of all time. It plots futuristic marines with bad ass guns against hundreds of the alien monsters. I was disappointed...along with others...with the third installment of the Alien franchise. The third movie takes place on a deserted planet in which a prison colony has been nearly vacant for years. The remaining criminals, a small staff and Sigourney Weaver's character fight off the Alien (with no weapons) as they await rescue. The Alien uses a dog as it's host and then displays characteristics similar.

It starts off as an alien egg. Inside the egg lives a spider-like monster called the "facehugger" (pictured left) that attaches itself to the mouth of it's victim. While attached, it plants an embryo down into the throat of the host. After a while, a miniature alien bursts out of the host's chest. The Alien continues to grow and sheds skin (like a snake) until it's full blown.

Characteristics of the Alien:
- Born from an egg (Queen Alien lays)
- Facehugger plants an embryo into a host's throat
- The adult alien appears predominantly black in color, similar in cast to heavily tarnished silver
- It has an elongated shiny head with no eyes
- The jaw holds the razor-sharp metal teeth
- The mouth houses a tongue-like body part with a second mouth on the end
- The alien has an anthropomorphic form, with two legs and two arms, its hands each armed with six long, black, razor-sharp claws
- Acid for blood
- Takes shape/characteristic of the host it's born out of
- Saliva is some type of sticky goo slime
- They use the goo to immobilize their victims while other eggs are made so that facehuggers can plant more embryos
- And they can swim!

Horror Icon #3

Bumbler the Abominable Snow Man

Born: ???? North Pole, Artic Circle

Little does people know, that Bumbler is an evil killing machine. He is one of the greatest hidden villains in the world. Many are not aware of his evil plots for the destruction of Christmas and world domination. So I’m here to fill you in:

Bumbler’s hatered for Christmas all started when he was just a little yeti. It was Christmas eve and Bumbler was sitting at home putting lights on the Christmas tree with his mom, Snow Flake. Bumbler eagerly awaited for his father, Tumbler to come home from work. But hours past into the night and there was no Tumbler. Christmas came and went, and Tumbler never came home. A few days went by and the snow cave became cool. Bumbler went to the fireplace to start a fire and noticed a horrible smell coming from the chimney. Bumbler and his mom thought it was a dead animal like a penguin or reindeer, but it was far worse. The North Pole Yeti Fire Dept. came by and checked out the fireplace. Instead of finding a dead animal, they pulled out Tumbler’s dead body. Tumbler was dressed up like Santa Claus, with a red sack of presents. Tumbler must of fell and snapped his neck while coming down the chimney to surprise Tumbler and Snow Flake. Ever since then, Bumbler has hated Christmas. Bumbler blames Santa Claus for his father’s death and has sought revenge for the death of his father.

In 1964, Bumbler secretly stalked Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and his little elf friend, as he tried to sabotage Christmas. Bumbler spent years creating a Super Fog Machine, to prevent Santa and his team of reindeer from taking off into the sky to distribute Christmas presents around the world. The fog was so intense, no reindeer could see past the fog to safely deliver presents. Except for one reindeer, Rudolph. Bumbler realized this and tried to “take out” Rudolph before he could return to Santa. His plans were foiled and then Bumbler searched for new ways to ruin Christmas for the world.

Two years later, in Bumbler’s next plot to destroy Christmas, he teamed up with the Grinch. The two, secretly swore to ruin Christmas by stealing all the presents from the residents of Whoville. Bumbler was the secret master mind of the operation convincing the Grinch to do all the leg work (foreseeing any law enforcement entanglement, Bumbler could wipe his hands clean of all wrongdoing). The plan was working magnificently until the Grinch betrayed Bumbler and returned the presents.

Bitter and betrayed, Bumbler disappeared into the snow, scheming for his return eight years later. Bumbler moves down to Canada and sneaks into a sorority house’s attic during Christmas break. Many of the sisters left for the holidays, but a few remained and became victim to Bumbler’s soon to be massacre. Bumbler’s sorority massacre did not get the media attention that he hoped for, so Bumbler went back into hiding.

A couple years went by, and Bumbler had gotten a way with his massacre, but his family fortune was running low. The death of his father had given the family enough money to pay off his snow cave, but his mother’s sickness from Hair-ballitis quickly devoured the family’s remaining fortune. Snow Flake was dying, and Bumbler went out to earn money for his sick mother. Working opportunities were scarce, but Bumbler had some leads. Bumbler put off his world plans of Christmas destruction and focused in onto saving his dying mother. In 1976, a film producer named George Lucas had an opening for a role that would fit Bumbler in his movie, Star Wars. It was a space saga, and a role for a tall, hairy like alien named a “wookie” was being casted for the movie. Bumbler tried out for the role of Chewbacca and seemed to be the front runner until a terrible lice problem had struck down on Bumbler. This new sickness put Bumbler on the sidelines for quite some time, and he was not able to do the role of the wookie.

“He could have been the best,” said Harrison Ford, actor for the role of Han Solo. “The chemistry between us…”sniffling…”I’m sorry…”wipes away a tear…”was just incredible.”

After the success of Star Wars, Lucas contacted Bumbler and told him about a small role for a “Holiday Special” that was being made. The story involved more wookies, and a part for Chewbacca’s father was up for grabs. But tragedy struck Bumbler again. Snow Flake had fallen victim to Hair-ballitis during Christmas. Bumbler was unable to do the filming of the Star Wars Holliday Special because he attended his mother’s funeral. Bumbler’s hatred for Christmas grew.

Desperate for work, Bumbler began doing odd-ball jobs around the city of Vancouver. Bumbler tried working in fast food, but was fired because little kids were scared of him. He then got a job at the local post office delivering mail, but after a “freak” dog-biting incident, Bumbler was hospitalized for a leg injury. Bumbler’s recovery was long and frustrating. Bumbler became addicted to pain killer pills and “overdosed” on Christmas Eve in 1978. The night janitor at the hospital came in to Tumbler’s room and saved life.

Bumbler was grateful for his “Christmas miracle” and set out on a new path of life.

Soon afterwards, Bumbler tried out for the position of mascot on the NBA’s Seattle Super Sonics team. But during a random drug test, he was dismissed from competition due to a failed drug test. Bumbler still had an addiction to the pain killer pills. Bumbler once again blamed the holiday season for his misfortunes.

George Lucas came calling back to offer Bumbler a role in the sequel to Star Wars. It was for a snow creature called the wampa. But Bumbler’s addiction to the pills landed him in a drug rehab center in Los Angeles and he lost the role for the snowy creature.

During his stay at the drug rehab center, Bumbler met a new friend, Cobra Commander. They both had similar visions of world domination and destruction. Their new found friendship only meant disaster for the unsuspecting world. With Bumbler’s hatred for Christmas, he and Cobra Commander devised a plan to plant their seed of domination. With the help of the Cobra Organization’s scientists, they created a perfect killing creature, the Mogwai. The Mogwai is a cute loveable fury creature that turns to an evil killing machine if fed after midnight. The Mogwai had it’s own reproduction capabilities if subjected to water. Cobra Commander and Bumbler decided to sell this creation to the Chinese government. They sold the Mogwai to Sun Lo Yang, Vice President of the Kenner Toy Corporation, in hopes of distributing the Mogwai world wide as Christmas toy. Unfortunately, Sun Lo Yang was fired for embezzlement and he took the Mogwai as he retreated to China Town selling off his personal items to support his family in a basement of a Chinese food restaurant.

Cobra Commander blamed Bumbler for their failed attempt at world domination, and the two parted ways. Broke and frustrated, Bumbler retreated back to the North Pole along with a couple of scientists who were fired from the Cobra Corp. Over the next ten years, they experimented with DNA and toxic waste on Yetti’s. They created the product Rogaine and sold it started to sell it world wide. Bumbler insisted that he be the “face” of the product, but the board of directors decided that it would not be a “good idea” to have a person completely covered from head to toe with hair represent the product. Their next choice was Robert Urich.

With the success of Rogaine, Bumbler received millions of dollars in profit and invested it into a new genetic testing program. Old and bitter, Bumbler resumed his quest to take down Christmas. In 1996, Bumbler created a plan to have his genetic waste material crash into a van transporting a convicted serial killer. Once mixed with snow and the genetic waste, the serial killer would transform into a killer snowman and ruin Christmas. His trial run in a small town in Colorado proved successful, but his killer snowman was defeated by Anti-freeze.

In 2001, Bumbler joined the al-Qaeda in an effort for world destruction. During the 9-11 terrorist plots, Bumbler was to hijack an airplane and crash it into the unsuspecting town of Juneau, Alaska. Unfortunately, his plan was foiled by a Canadian Mounted Policeman, at Toronto International Airport at the security gates.

“Ya’ see this big fella’ was trying to get on the plane with a razor ya see. ‘But I recognized that he was completely covered in hair, eh! So I put two and two together eh!, and ya’ know, figurd’ out that something was wrong. Eh!” explained the Mountee.

Sentenced to eight years in Canadian prison, Bumbler claims that he has “found” God and no longer obsesses with destroying Christmas. Bumbler’s release date: December 24, 2010.

Beware of the yeti!

Happy Christmas! Happy Hanukah! And Happy Kwanzaa! Or whatever you celebrate!

Tommy Gun

Review #34: Gremlins (1984)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Steven Spielberg (Exec. Producer): Many, many films

Joe Dante (Director): Piranha (1978), The Howling, Twilight Zone the Movie (1983), Gremlins 2 (1990), Explorers (1985), Innerspace (1987), Small Soldiers (1998), Masters of Horror T.V. series

Chris Columbus (Writer): Directed: Adventures in Babysitting (1987), Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), Home Alone 1 (1990) & 2 (1992), Harry Potter 1 (2001) & 2 (2002), Rent (2005)

Zack Galligan (Billy): Gremlins 2, Waxwork 1 & Waxwork 2

Phoebe Cates (Kate): Gremlins 2, Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982), Private School (1983), Drop Dead Fred (1991)

Howie Mendel (voice of Gizmo): Deal or No Deal T.V. show

Frank Welker (voice of Stripe): T.V. Cartoon voices (Megatron – Transformers, & Misc. G.I. Joe voices)

Judge Reinhold (Gerald): Beverly Hills Cop 1 (1984), 2 (1987) & 3 (1994), Ruthless People (1986), Vice Versa (1988), Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Santa Claus 1 (1994), 2 (2002), & 3 (2006)

Corey Feldman (Pete): Goonies (1985), Stand By Me (1986), Lost Boys (1987), Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood (1996), Friday the 13th Part 4, Friday the 13th Part 5

Dick Miller (Murray): Corvette Summer (78’), Piranha, The Howling, V: the Final Battle (84’), Terminator (84’), Explorers, Chopping Mall (86’), Amazing Stories (86’), Innerspace, Gremlins 2, Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (95’), Small Soldiers

Arnie Moore (Alex): Friday the 13th Part 4

Polly Holliday (Mrs. Deagle): Alice T.V. show, Mrs. Doubtfire

Don Steele (Rockin’ Ricky Rialto): KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978)

Trailer:


Remember those furry little cute white and brown mogwai? Way before the “Furbie”, there was the mogwai. Oh yeah…there were three important rules to the mogwai:

1. Keep them away from light, especially sun light, it can kill them


2. Never get them wet


3. And most important of all, never ever feed them after midnight

But where did the mogwai come from?Gremlins.Best Christmas Horror Movie ever! I mean EVER! I know Steven Spielberg says that Gremlins is not a horror movie…but BULL SH*T! It is. It will be. And it always has been. If his name weren’t attached to the movie, it would have been rated “R”, not “PG-13”.

Anyway, one of my good friends, The Shark (famed inventor of the Shark Factor) and I decided to do a duel review of the film. The Shark isn’t a big fan of horror movies, but doesn’t cry in agony as Bookie does when subjected to them. Under his own free will, he went along with Bookie and I to see Jason X and Freddy vs. Jason on opening night at the movie theatre.

If there is a genre of horror movies he digs, then it has to be Zombie films. The Shark decided to do his review in a “diary form” of the movie, along with film times included as markers. Click Below for his review. Mine follows (a little bit longer review than normal). I can't be too harsh reviewing this movie because it's one of my childhood favorites.

The Shark's Review

In case you’ve been underneath a rock for the past twenty-some-odd years and don’t know what this movie is about, I give you a quick run down.

A failing inventor (Randall Peltzer) shopping in China Town is looking for a Christmas present for his son, Billy. An old Chinese man (BHA!) runs a flea market/junk shop located in a basement of a building. The old fart’s grandson lures Randall down into the shop in hopes of a sale.

While shopping Randall, comes across a mysterious creature (mogwai) singing and humming inside the shop and attempts to purchase the mogwai. The old fart refuses to sell the mogwai to Randall even at a steep price. The grandson secretly sells the mogwai to Randall outside of the shop for $200. The grandson tells Randal 3 important rules for maintaining a mogwai, yet he never asks the consequences of the rules.

Mr. Peltzer returns home to his family in the lovely little town of Kingston Falls and gives Billy the mogwai as a present. They call the mogwai Gizmo. A short while later, Billy is showing Gizmo off to his friend, Pete (Corey Feldman), and Pete accidentally spills a glass of water onto Gizmo. Gizmo curls up in pain and five little white furry balls pop out of Gizmo’s fur and BOOM! Five more mogwai appear. RULE # 2 is violated!

These five are not as quiet and gentle as Gizmo, and their leader appears with a white stripe of fur on his head (Stripe). The Mogwai-5 start to wreck havoc and torment Gizmo and the family’s dog. Billy takes one of them to his high school science teacher and demonstrates what happens to a mogwai when you get it wet...you know if I had some creature that no one's ever heard or seen before and multiplies when wet, I take it to my high school science teacher. He hated me. I could envision him when I brought the thing to him...

MR. W: That's nice Tom (sigh), but can you put that thing away. I'm not in the mood for any more of your jokes.

Me: It's not a joke! I'm telling the truth!

MR.W (speaking to himself): Just like when you said, "I didn't put that note 'Kick Me!' on your back." Why do I always get him in my class? This is two years in a row now! What did I do wrong God? What did I do wrong? Why can't the other science teachers get him?

Me: Come on Mr. W., it multiples when wet! See. (pour water on to the mogwai and watch it multiply)

MR.W (speaking to himself): Oh great, now he's creating a mess. It's popping out little cotton balls all over the place. Be calm. He's making a mess. Be calm. Just remember...only four more years until retirement, only four more years until retirement.

Me: See! (pour more water on it...so it could multiply more)

Back to the plot...the teacher keeps that one for examination. Later on that night the Mogwai-5 chew on Billy’s alarm clock’s cord, stopping the time on the face of the clock at 11:35. They trick Billy into feeding them food. Meanwhile at the school science lab, the guinea pig mogwai swipes the science teacher’s sandwich when he leaves at 2:30 am.

RULE #3 is violated! And by the way, what midnight do we go by? Greenwich, England midnight or Pacific Time Zone midnight? I don’t know do you? Let’s say Mountain Time Zone midnight (M.S.T.), just because no one else cares about that time zone or region of the U.S.

When everyone wakes up the next morning, the Mogwai-5 are cocooned in green slimy eggs. My first thought (if I’m Billy)…Oh sh*t, I f*cked up. I might need to kill something before these things hatch...but I’m not Billy. Instead, let’s tell mom and hope she knows what to do and then take off to do my normal day activities, leaving mom home alone with these mysterious eggs.

Later on that afternoon the eggs hatch, and those cute little Mogwai-5 turn into a vicious, killing, little green Furbies (Gremlins). The Gremlin at the school is hatched right as school ends for the day. The Gremlin kills the “token” science teacher by biting his hand and stabbing him in the butt with a syringe right before Billy arrives to save the day.

It’s weird how at the end of the school day everyone disappears from school. When Billy arrives, he just walks into a vacant school before stumbling on the dead science teacher. I know at my school there were still kids hanging around whether they were waiting for mommy to pick them up or in detention or using the library (NERDS!) or all the jocks and cheerleaders hanging out before practice.

Back to the story…Billy discovers what happens when they hatch out of the egg and flees home to save mom. Meanwhile, mom discovers the hard way, as the Mogwai-four hatch, torment Gizmo and throw him down the laundry chute and head for the kitchen.

At this point if you have realized that Gremlins like food, then you’re a moron. Yum, yum! Mom slaughters a few Gremlins in the kitchen using common household appliances. Billy arrives home just in time to see mom battling one of the Gremlins hidden in the Christmas tree and then Billy chops off his head with a sword sending the skull into the family’s fireplace. This is good sh*t!

Spike, the survivor of the Mogwai-5, breaks a window and flees out into the snowy night. Billy drops off mom at the neighbor’s house, returns and finds Gizmo trapped in the laundry chute, and then follows Spike’s footprints in the snow.

This is where I pause the movie and debate with The Shark about how water is snow in one of it’s three states of matter (solid, liquid, gas), so wouldn’t Spike be multiplying as he’s traveling through the snow. Oh well, we’ll chalk it up as a plot hole.

Billy the Tracker, tracks Spike down to the local Y.M.C.A. of Kingston Falls. Spike breaks in to the Y.M.C.A. and jumps into the swimming pool creating a spectacular visual effects scene of red, green, yellow smoke and a bubbling swimming pool. Billy sees this and freaks out and bails like a mother fucker to the local police station. Hundreds of Gremlins are created and cause trouble on the little town of Kingston Falls.

Billy rescues his girlfriend, Kate (Phoebe Cates) who is trapped working in a bar catering to a bunch of Gremlins, pouring them beer and feeding them. Back to our discussion of water and multiplying…does beer not have water in it as a key ingredient?

Billy saves the girl as they shack up to lay low in their work place, the local bank as the Gremlins cause problems in the streets of the town. Kate explains to Billy why she hates Christmas (see Shark’s review), as hours go by.

After a while, the streets are silent and vacant, so Billy and Kate and Gizmo venture out to find out what happened to the Gremlins. They discover the Gremlins in the movie theatre watching Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs, singing “I Ho! I Ho! Off to work we go!” Billy and Kate sneak into the movie theatre and turn on the gas and blew up the theatre killing the Gremlins.

Movie over…or is it? As Billy and Kate sighs relief, they discover Spike in the window of the local Montgomery Ward store eating candy. Yum, yum! Spike bolts into the store as Billy, Kate and Gizmo follow Spike into the department store. Billy gets his ass kicked by Spike inside the store as Kate bumbles around trying to turn on the department store lights. And Gizmo drives around the store in a toy Barbie Summer Corvette.

I asked the Shark, how does the car drive? Plot hole. Kate accidentally turns on the store’s display water fountain and right as Spike jumps into the water to multiply, Gizmo drives the car up a shovel ramp, sending him flying into the air taking him over to the store window blinds. Gizmo pulls down the blinds, letting in the morning sun rays, shining down onto Spike, melting him to a pulp of green goo.

Rule #1 violated! Gizmo saves the day! Old-fart Chinese dude shows up that morning and he puts in his “two cents worth of logic” to the family about responsibility of owning a mogwai and then takes Gizmo away.

Villain:

Cute little Mogwai + food after midnight (M.S.T) = green, slimy, killing, mischievous little men (Gremlins). Perfect score!

Cast:

Outside of Billy being a wussy and a little weird, I liked the cast. There could have been more hot chicks, but oh well, it’s a kids movie. Corey Feldman continues his great horror movie roles with this one.

SFX/Gore:

Only two dead bodies on the screen, go figure one of them was a black guy. Special effects were cheesy in a good way. For being early 80’s, they were pretty damn good. It was over the top slimy, and gooey stuff for the “Gremlin” look. Special effects bonus for every failed invention by Randall Peltzer:

The Bathroom Buddy: 1 pt.

The Peltzer Egg Cracker: 1 pt

The Peltzer Orange Peeler: 1 pt

The Peltzer Coffee Maker: 1 pt

The Peltzer Cordless Phone: 1 pt (he was on to something!)

The Peltzer Automatic Hammer: 1 pt

The Peltzer Multi-Fly Swatter: 1 pt

The Smokeless Ash Tray: 1 pt

TNA:

The movie should have had something more here. We get one hot chick (Shark Factor) in Phoebe Cates (pictured right…remember that scene in Fast Times of Ridgemont High as she climbs out of the swimming pool and…hmmmm). The only pair of tits we see are Billy’s as he changes his shirt in front of the way younger Pete.

What’s up with that? A nineteen-twenty something hanging around with a nine year old boy. I don’t know, something fishy going on there. Especially since he always invites him up to his room in the attic to show him "something".

Story:

Outside of the film being unrealistic the story is sound. They tricked us early on with all the cutesy stuff and then BOOM! Angry little green men killing people and causing havoc in a small town.

T.Gun's Take:

Gremlins was one of my favorite childhood movies of all time. I remember seeing this movie in the theater over and over. This movie represents the 1980’s and my childhood in many ways. They had a mini Donkey Kong video game, showed the old Star Wars arcade game, plush E.T. dolls, perms, cable T.V. line, VW Bug, clip on ties, gimmick inventions, old school video projectors for science films, boom boxes, etc.

Misc Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on June 8, 1984 and made $153 million at the Box Office ($12.5 million opening weekend)
-Gremlins was Warner Bros Pictures response to other studio's summer hit movies. Here's what also came out that summer:

Ghostbusters (Columbia Pictures) & Indiana Jones: Temple of Doom (Paramont)

Ghostbusters: released on same day and made $238.6 million at the Box Office ($13.6 million opening weekend)

Indy 2: released on May 28, 1984 and made $175 million at the Box Office ($33.9 million opening weekend)

- Downtown streets filmed on the same set as Back to the Future downtown streets
- Movie Titles on the theatre's marquee at beginning: "A Boy's Life" & "Watch the Skies", they were working film titles for Spielberg's E.T. & Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind
Indy 2 & Gremlins considered first film's with the "new" PG-13 rating.

Review #30: Halloween (1978)

Cast/Notable Credits:
John Carpenter (Director): The Fog (1980), The Thing (1982), Christine, J.C.'s Vampires, Ghosts of Mars (2001)

Donald Pleasence (Dr. Loomis): Halloween 2, Halloween 4, Halloween 5 and Halloween 6

Jamie Lee Curtis (Laurie Strode): Halloween 2

Charles Cyphers (Sheriff Brackett): Assault on Precinct 13, The Fog, Escape from New York, Death Wish 2 (1982), Major League (1989)

Nancy Loomis (Annie): Halloween 3, Assault of Precinct 13

P.J. Soles (Lynda): Carrie (1976), Stripes (1981), Devil’s Rejects (2005)

Kyle Richards (Lindsey): Eaten Alive (1977), National Lampoon’s Pledge This! (2006)

Tony Moran (Michael Myers): Halloween 2

Will Sandin (Young Michael Myers)

Trailer:


The night HE came home!

Plot:

In Haddonfield, Illinois, a disturbed little boy named Michael Myers, stabs and murders his older sister Judith Myers on Halloween night in 1963. Michael is placed in a mental hospital named Smith's Grove Mental Institute and receives psychiatric treatment over the next 15 years by a psychiatrist named Dr. Loomis.

Fifteen years later, on the eve of Halloween, Michael finally escapes and returns to his hometown Haddonfield. Pursuing Michael is Dr. Loomis. Dr. Loomis is desperate to find Michael because he believes that he is pure evil and something bad will happen if he isn't caught. Loomis also believes that Mikey is going to return to his hometown, but no one else would believe him.

Once in Haddonfield, Michael begins to follow and stalk a high school teenager named, Laurie Strode. Mikey follows and watches her from a distance, hiding behind trees and bushes along the way.

On Halloween night...the anniversary of his older sister’s death...Laurie is babysitting a little boy named Tommy Doyle. Laurie’s friend Annie is babysitting a girl named Lindsey in the house across the street. Annie convinces her to watch Lindsey so her friends can come over and party...drink...have sex.

Laurie agrees to watch the Lindsey so her friends can have fun. Laurie takes Lindsey across the street and watches the two kids at Tommy's house as Annie awaits for her friends to come over.

Mikey picks off Laurie’s friends one by one. As Laurie baby sits across the street. Eventually Laurie becomes curious about her friends after time passes and decides to venture across the street to see what's going on. Laurie finds her friends slaughtered around the house. Laurie encounters Michael and the fight for her life begins!

Villain:

Halloween marks the birth of the boogeyman...Michael Aubrey Myers...or also known as "The Shape". Mikey is a creepy, psychotic kid who grows up and escapes a mental hospital only to return to his hometown to kill people. He's a silent killer that lurks in the shadows waiting for his moment to strike. He's got black eyes...the devil's eyes and has no reason, conscious or understanding in the meaning of life or death.

Mikey hides behind a mask which is an altered spray painted Captain Kirk mask (William Shatner). Mikey's favorite weapon is a big kitchen knife which he uses to unleash hell on his prey. Halloween is the film that writes his name into the history books of iconic horror film villains. Michael is also one of very few killers that knows how to drive a vehicle.

Cast:

Along with the birth of the boogeyman, the film marks the birth of the first “Scream Queen”...Jamie Lee Curtis. Jamie does a great job in the film. Jamie plays the teenage character of Laurie Strode. Laurie's character is the horror industry's prototypical innocent, virgin girl who has a pure heart. She's the typical babysitter who gets caught up in something more than decorating Jack-o-laterns with kids.

Curtis is fabulous at being a damsel in distress as she puts on a Grade A performance as a terrified teen fighting for her life from a psychopath killer. Her performance in Halloween launches a successful movie career which early on involves a lot of horror movies.

In Halloween, Donald Pleasence is the man that creates the legendary character of Dr. Loomis. Dr. Loomis is Mikey's psychiatrist who spent 8 years trying to understand him and another 7 years trying to keep him locked up. Loomis understands that Mikey is no longer reachable and is evil.

I call Dr. Loomis...Dr. Doom N' Gloom. Loomis expresses his feelings about Michael in the way that he is the absolute anti-Christ...something other than human. Loomis believes that he's the only one who could stop Mikey...at least until the end.

The Dr. Loomis character will go on and be the secondary staple in the Halloween franchise as he survives life and death situations in the numerous sequels to come.

Laurie's two friends of Annie (Nancy Loomis...no relation to Dr. Loomis...I think) and Lynda (P.J. Soles) are very annoying and unlikable, but overly sex-charged. Hint: sex equals death in these films.

Annie is the worst of the two as her performance/character is lifeless. I just couldn't get a real good vibe that she was an average teenager. Lynda...well I just like the "juggular shots" she provided in the film.

SFX/Gore:

Halloween provided five deaths in the film while doing it in good taste...not overly gory...the use of blood is pretty rare. I think that this proves that blood, blood, blood, does not necessarily add up to make great horror movies. Sometimes it's better to leave it up to the viewer’s mind to imagine the gore rather than see it.

The low use of blood may also be explained by the film being really low-budget...I guess they couldn’t afford the effects for blood. Or maybe that's how Carpenter intended the film to be.

TNA:

Halloween has four hot chicks (Shark Factor) as the focal point of the TNA category. Besides the eye candy, Halloween gives the male audience two sets of boobies, and a sex act. Hell Yeah! The best rack is courtesy of P.J. Soles who has the best line to show off her rack:

"See anything you like?"

Now depending on what version of Halloween you sit down and see, this scene will vary. There's an Unrated NBC-made for television cut which has additional footage to make up for cuts...and you don't see P.J.'s "gifts" at all, they were partially seen on the DVD version of that cut. The widescreen version of the flick doesn't show the whole "lovelyness" either. But the full screen shows them the best.

T.Gun's Take:

Halloween is credited as the first "slasher" flick. It's the film to start all horror films. Plot is an original plot (at least back then it was), and has been copycatted many, many times since...or some variation to it. It's a simple formula of a psycho preys upon a lonely teenager and along the way her friends die.

Halloween has the classic formula (Villain vs. Heroine w/ advice from Old Wiseman) in which many horror films will use to “rip off” of. The formulic characters end up being the legendary characters of Michael Myers, Laurie Strode, and Dr. Loomis. Not bad for a film with no budget.

The setting and atmosphere of Halloween is great. The film uses a popular holiday associated with spooky and scary things and then incorporates that into a horror film. The season of fall is symbolic in many ways with death itself.

The director, John Carpenter wrote his own musical score for the film. Wow. That's awesome! The musical score for Halloween is such a CLASSIC jingle. The score will go on to be featured in many Halloween sequels to come.

Halloween is one of the best slasher flicks of all time! Many people will consider it as "THE BEST", but I don't because I'm partial to another franchise. If you've lived underneath a rock and have never seen it...then check it out!

Misc. Movie Trivia:
- Halloween released October 25, 1978 and made $47 million at the Box Office...on a budget of $325K
- Jamie Lee Curtis first featured film
- The Halloween mask is based on an altered Halloween William Shatner mask (Cpt. Kirk!)
- Cast used their own wardrobe due to no budget on the film
- No major studio wanted to pick up the film, so it was released independently
- There are multiple versions of Halloween; the theatrical and a NBC T.V. version