Cast/Notable Credits: Michael Cooney (Director): Jack Frost 2
Shannon Elizabeth (Jill): American Pie (1999), American Pie 2 (2001), Scary Movie (2000), Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back (2001), 13 Ghosts (2001), Cursed
Trailer:
A vehicle transporting a convicted serial killer (Jack) to his execution is involved in a car wreck with a genetic research vehicle during a blizzard. Genetic liquid from the research vehicle interacts with Jack, melting him into the snow. His molecules and D.N.A. are mixed with the snow creating a killer snowman...hence, Jack Frost.
The newly genetically altered, Jack seeks revenge on the small town sheriff (Sam) who had caught him years earlier. Jack uses his new unique abilities to slowly "cool" down some victims on his way to revenge. Hidden in a perfect wintry disguise, how can Jack be stopped? What will Sam and the local townsmen do? Hint: a truck bed full of anti-freeze might just do the trick. And the end result is just not yellow snow.
Villain:
Jack the Killer Snowman…hell yeah! To be honest, the special effects on the “killer snowman” are pretty crappy. The snowman looks like a Christmas display at the local Wal-Mart. But come on’ give him some love! A killer snowman movie...they should make more of these.
Cast:
Shannon Elizabeth (pictured right) in her first movie role. Rest of cast displayed poor acting. Not as if the movie itself was top notch, but at least they could do is throw in a lot of hot chicks…hmm…if they ever make a sequel, there’s a formula for success (foreshadowing). Shannon was the only hot one.
SFX/Gore:
Just chill out. Ten bodies on ice. Cheesy special effects but in a good way. Favorite death: Shower scene (see TNA section). Second best: Shooting of the icicles to the boy’s head.
TNA:
Sure the movie had Shannon Elizabeth, but that’s it for hot chicks! And no boobies. What’s up with that? Shannon did have a shower scene in the movie, which was followed by a sex act. Unfortunately it was a snowman raping her to death...guess where the carrot was. That’s F'd up!
Story:
Brilliant story, I couldn’t come up with anything better myself. A serial killer genetically altered with snow seeks revenge on a cop and small town. The only thing missing is more hot chicks, mutant killer snowball babies, and being set on a tropical island. I call for a sequel!
T.Gun Factor:
Great low budget crap movie. It has to be one of the Top 5 Christmas movies ever! So pour the eggnog, start a fire, sit down and enjoy this Holiday Classic...but don't expect much in way of high quality. Expect a head ache...possibly.
Misc. Movie Trivia: -Film was released on September 22, 1998 and went straight to DVD
Oh my God! How’d they know what I was asking for? A sequel to a mutant killer snowman movie taking place on a tropical island with mutant killer snowball babies…and more hot chicks! Every one’s prayers are answered!
The bars were raised higher for this sequel. Years after the first movie, a genetics company found the jugs of anti-freeze that contained the remains of everyone’s favorite mutant killer snowman, Jack. After experimental tests on the liquid substance, scientists could not solve the mystery of the liquid ooze. Sounds like a title to a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie.
At least until a late night janitor knocks over a cup of coffee into the jar of Jack Frost’s liquid remains. Then poof! A chemical reaction between the coffee and ooze brings Jack back to life. And he’s pissed.
Meanwhile Sheriff Sam is troubled with past visions of his encounter with Jack, and decides to spend the holidays on a warm tropical island with his wife and friends. Amazingly, Jack tracks them down to the tropical island and then causes havoc on Sam and other island inhabitants (including Granger Green pictured right). Jack turns the tropical island into a winter wonderland.
The troubled Sam encounters the killer snowman that has plagued his dreams, but that's no problem, he knows how to kill Jack. The anti-freeze solution. Right? Nope. Sam tries to kill Jack with the anti-freeze solution, but his plan is foiled when he discovers that Jack has now mutated with the anti-freeze making him immune to the anti-freeze. Instead of dying, Jack starts coughing up little mutant killer snowballs. Oh no! What will our heroes do now? Not gonna blow it, but I’ll give you a hint…bananas. Yep…bananas. A monkey’s best friend.
Villain:
Return of the every ones favorite mutant killer snowman, Jack. An added bonus, he has killer mutant snowball babies. Double the pleasure! Double the fun!
Cast:
I only gave this more points than the original because the movie featured a lot more hot chicks, other than that, there still was bad acting. Unfortunately, no Shannon Elizabeth this time...but we do get Captain Fun. Whoopee! We also get a little bit more female "eyecandy". (Stephanie Chao pictured right)
SFX/Gore:
As I mentioned before, the stakes were raised higher. Which means...it was double the deaths compared to the first one (twenty…at least what I could keep track of). But the special effects didn’t get any better. What do you expect from a budget of four bucks?
TNA:
Well...we lose a shower snowman rape scene, but we gain more hot chicks and gain a set of boobies. Yes! Jennifer Lyons(pictured right and...santa on right) makes another "eyecandy" bad movie appearance. Other hot women pictured through out the blog helps make this movie a little bit more bare able.
Story:
They read my mind! A killer mutant snowman with killer mutant snowball babies attack people on a tropical island. Dish out them Grammy's!
T.Gun Factor:
How can I bash a movie like this? I can't. It's pure entertainment. Really. Another good thing that came out of this movie is showing off Shonda Farr (pictured right). If the first movie was a Top 5 Christmas movie, then this movie has to be number 2 or 3 (behind Badder Santa). Period.
Misc. Movie Trivia: -Film opened on November 22, 2000 and went straight to DVD
Plot: Agnes Bruckner (Vivian) plays a female werewolf whose family was killed when she was eight. She moves overseas to Romania to live with her aunt and her “other” family (werewolves). While doing research on werewolves for his graphic novel in Romania, an American artist, Aiden comes across Vivian and becomes attracted to her...and a little obsessed. Why not? I've seen Agnes, and she's smokin' hot. (Pictured right) And if "They're real", I should do the noble thing and examine them...to make sure.
Unfortunately, little does he know that she is to be the wolf princess and given away in marriage to the leader of the wolves, Gabriel. That might pose as a problem in the long road. To make things worse and more confusing, Gabriel is Vivian's cousin. Ewe! But when you're the leader of the pack and has to chose a new bride every seven years, what better choice than the pure ole' flesh and blood of your own kin? Maybe that's how wolves get it on.
Gabriel learns of Aiden's crush and becomes angry at him as Vivian starts to fall in love with the artist. As you can see, this becomes a Romeo & Juliettale about wolves. To add more kindle to the fire, the young punk artist accidentally kills Gabriel’s son. Now Gabriel wants Aiden...a little...dead. You don't mess with a dude's girlfriend and you don't kill his son either.
Villain: If there is a villain in the film it probably be Gabriel and his pack of humans/wolves. They munch on a few victims in the film. But the real villain has to be Aiden. Come on' he swoops in and steals Gabriel's soon to be wife and kills his son. Now whose more evil? The starving werewolf or the stalker-killer American artist? Simple answer for me. Hint: the second one.
Cast:
Agnes (pictured right) plays the girl Vivian, who is essentially pissed off at the world for about ninety percent of the movie. I mean not a pissed off like heads are gonna fly, but a pissed off like…I’ve been on my period for four months straight…or I’m don’t like guys because daddy touched me too much…well either way she maybe she is pissed off like heads will fly on top of it.
Despite getting screwed in the film's master scheme, her cousin Gabriel plays an annoying role and is a very unlikeable character. On top of it, her stalker-killer boyfriend artist Aiden sucked just as much. I guess bottom line, they all sucked. But Aiden did prove one thing: as long as you keep stalking a girl and she doesn’t call the police, you have a chance.
SFX/Gore:
Most of the deaths involved werewolves. Only two deaths non-wolf related. What’s up with that? The special effects were pretty good outside of the change sequence. That was pretty lame. The person jumps into the midair and then “glows” for a second or two and when they hit the ground they’ve changed into a wolf. It was awful looking. Remember those little kid toys called Glow Worms? Well in this case, they're Glow Wolves. Rounding out the special effects in the film are a couple of good explosions and blood. Duh! You can't have gore without it.
TNA:
Not much to see here. At least if you're a straight guy. This film caters to the female audience a little better than it suits the male audience. What I'm trying to say is, "You’re better off watching one of those Total Gym info-mercials."
On the bright side of things, Agnes is pissed off and grumpy most of the film creating the sexual tension with the viewer. Like I wanna throw you down and throttle that angst off your face type of deal. Is that too over the top? Hope not. She does wear a pair of those “f*ck me” boots every once and a while. Yeah F*ck Me Boots!
T.Gun's Take:
Well B&C was a decent wolf story...not the best...but a decent one. I wasn't that big of a fan with the Romeo and Juliet thing but you know...teenage love stories sell. Somehow, no matter how crappier they are.
I like werewolf movies so I didn’t suffer through this one like it might have sounded. I was disappointed in the film overall. Here's some ideas that may have made the movie a little bit better: (Even if they had just picked one! )
A: Enrolled more hot chicks. If Captain Obvious has to explain this one, then you need a hole in your head. Give Vivian a hot, slutty she-wolf BFF. It's not that hard.
B. Showed some nudity. Have Agnes come out of the shower or bed showing off her assets. Please. Maybe a side boob. Maybe another chick showing off the goods. Throw us a freakin' bone here!
C. Had Agnes smile every once and a while (or show her assets).
D: Kill a few more bodies (non-wolf). It's a horror film. A higher body count COULD have been what the audiences were lookin' for.
Any one of those ideas probably would have sent this film in the passing letter grade category. They're just simple ideas, not rocket science.
Misc. Movie Trivia: -Film opened on January 26, 2007 and made $3.5 million in limited release -Based loosely on a novel by Annette Klause -Katja von Garnier is a German female director
Horny the Clown, franchise mascot for the Hella-Burger joint seeks revenge on California teenagers because their parents had burned him to death years earlier. Horny the Clown…that’s right you heard me, Horny the Clown. Now that’s awesome. Why can’t more fast food restaurants come up with icons like that?
I don't think I have to go say anything more than that. A killer burger joint clown mascot seeks revenge on a community.
Villain:
The film features a killer clown named Horny. He looked pretty cool and bad ass not dumb and gay like the clown Pennywise from It. He looked demonish and swung a big ole’ mean axe around at his victims. Me so horny, I love you long time.
Cast:
A bunch of annoying teenagers, and dumb cops filled the vacancy for this one. Surprisingly it had two characters from my favorite T.V. shows, Jan from The Office (That's what she said!) and West aka fly boy from Heroes.
It also starred one of the hot school girl looking chicks from the Ring. Rachael Bella…pictured right. Me so horny, I love you long time. Apparently she’s married to Edward Furlong. Man, what did he do right and where do I dip into that dating pool?
SFX/Gore:
Twelve souls went bye bye in this one. There were some pretty interesting ways to die. Horny is an equal opportunity killer. I don’t think I’ll ever look at the French fry greaser in the same fashion any more. The SFX weren’t too bad considering the film was a low budget film.
TNA:
Eight hot chicks…me so horny, I love you long time…and a sex act. Unfortunately there were no boobs. They were there, I could see them wanting to pop out of the girl’s tops, but they didn’t. Especially during the little temptress bedroom scene. One of the film's hotties, Nicole Cavazos pictured left. Also pictured below is Leighton Meester, the main squeeze of the film. T.Gun's Take:
A killer clown seeks revenge. Not just any killer clown, but Horny the Clown. You can’t write scripts better than that. Sure there's a lot of plot holes, but what did you expect from a film featuring Horny the Clown?
Drive Thru wasn’t a bad cheesy horror movie to watch. I don’t know if the film makers were trying to be funny intentionally or if they were trying take themselves seriously and it was embarrassing. The television commercials for the Hella Burger joint played on the background televisions were freakin’ hilarious.
Drive Thru was a good waste of time, but it also was nothing special. For me, I have a bad habit of getting sucked into bad cheesy movies and watching them over and over. I suspect that if I ever come across this one on the tube, I'll end up wasting an hour or two watching it.
Misc. Movie Trivia: -Film released on May 29, 2007 and went straight to DVD -Leighton Meester was conceived while her mother was out on bail (She was eventually sentenced to 10 yrs for a marijuana drug cartel)
Lawrence Makoare (Snake): Lord of the Rings 1 & 3 (witchking)
Trailer:
Six vacationing yuppies out on a boat cruise in New Zealand come across a patch of fog. Inside the fog is a stranded boat with a single passenger left on board, Gimli son of Gloin.
They rescue him and set sail back to solid land. While aboard Gimli, stabs one of the male passengers in the chest with a special dagger. Hopefully it’s not the same one the "Duke" carries in Jason Goes to Hell.
During the ensuing fight with the other passengers, Gimli is tossed overboard. They check their friend to find no wound what so ever. Little did the others know that when Gimli stabbed their friend…ready for this…he “body swapped” with him. Rest of movie involves the spirit of Gimli stabbing people and taking over their bodies...kind of sounds like Jason Goes to Hell...hmm.
Villain:
Gimli, son of Gloin, stabbing people with a special dagger to body jump. Every time he jumps into a new body, his spirit and a tattoo of a snake on his back carries over to the new host.
Cast:
Ferryman had Gimli plus other no names. Basically they were all actors and actresses from down under. Bottom line: there was nothing special going on in the film. One of the chicks is extremely annoying and whiny...not really helping it's case.
SFX/Gore:
The Ferryman featured six deaths and a dead dog. I had to wait for a while to count all them up because of the body jumping. On a sour note, the film had a lot of over the top gore in it, if you know me, it's not a real positive aspect in my book.
TNA:
Three hot chicks, and one set of boobies. Be patient they show up. Hint: wait for the last twenty seconds. I almost scored negative points here, but the film saved itself at the last minute. On a unique note: we get to see what happens when a man jumps into a female body and decides to give the fingers a “test run” down under. You got to ask yourself honestly, "Wouldn't you do the same?"
T.Gun's Take:
The Ferryman is merely a body-jumping evil-spirited dwarf (Gimli) trapped on a boat in the middle of the ocean. He can "jump" from body to body until he finds his ideal match. Wow. This film screams of Oscars. Let them flow in on award night. They might need a wheel barrow to haul them away.
The Ferryman is no more than a subpar Sci-Fi channel movie...and I'll just leave it at that. I thought that it was an "okay" attempt at a horror movie.
Misc. Movie Trivia: -Film was released on DVD on March 17, 2008 -A New Zealand based production
Cast/Notable Credits: Oliver Stone (Director): Platoon (1986), Wallstreet (1987), Born on the 4th of July (1989), The Doors (1991) , J.F.K. (1991), Natural Born Killers (1994), Any Given Sunday (1999), Alexander (2004), World Trade Center (2006)
Michael Caine (Jonathan): Jaws 4: The Revenge (1987), Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988), Mr. Destiny (1990), Austin Powers 3 (2002), Batman Begins (2005), The Prestiage (2006), Children of Men (2006), Dark Knight (2008) and many, many other movies
Andrea Marcovicci (Anne): Spacehunter (1983), Trapper John, M.D. T.V. series
A famous cartoon artist (Michael Caine) loses his drawing hand in a car accident. And the hand is never found! Instead, he receives a metal “Terminator” hand to replace it.
Unfortunately he cannot draw any more with his new hand. There goes his career! He becomes depressed and eventually moves out of his mansion to a secluded mountain town and begins teaching for a career.
Over time he falls off the deep end and becomes psychotic. Sharing his emotional bond is his lost hand. Somehow it is psychically connected to him. The hand starts to murder the people around him.
Villain:
A killer hand…sweet. I've always been fascinated with a killer hand. Deep down inside, I always thought that one of my hands would go psychotic on me. This probably stems from the Evil Dead movies or the Addam's Family. I'm not demented...am I? Cast:
Small cast involved in this one. A total early 80’s feel to them…acting, clothing, hair do’s, etc. Michael Cane is the main character in the film and it's his hand that goes a little "nutty".
SFX/Gore:
The Hand featured five deaths in the flick and it's special effects had the “Terminator” hand. I was a little disappointed in the losing the hand scene. It was kind of disappointing.
TNA:
The movie did supply two hot chicks. One of them showed off her hooters in a teacher-student extra credit assignment. That’s how you teach! (Right Scoundrel?)
On a side note: Andrea Marcovicci (Pictured left) is now a singer and even has her own brand of women's fragrance...if you care.
T.Gun's Take:
This was one of Oliver’s early movies. No conspiracy theories about the government in this one. It was done pretty decent with a little twist ending.
Honestly I was bored through out this one. I just wasn't in the mood to deal with a movie of this pace. It was God awful to watch in the mood I was in.
The pace seemed slow and the film just didn’t really have that extra “something” to it. Continuing on the Andrea Marcovicci front, she does star in one of my favorite 3-D movies two years later (Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone). She co-stars with Molly Ringwald and Michael Ironside.
Misc. Movie Trivia: -Film opened on April 24, 1981 -Musical score is done by James Horner (Titanic) -Jon Voight, Dustin Hoffman, and Christopher Walken were all considered for the lead role
Elena Lyons (Fawn): Club Dread (2004) Trailer link
Teenagers show up to a rave party out in the boon docks, but little do they know they are being targeted by Satanic Devil Worshipers (SDW's). Once they leave the rave party, they come across an abused girl who was apparently captured and abused by the SDW’s. Shortly afterwards, they come across those same SDW's looking for the girl. They are hunted down by the SDW’s and are picked off one by one.
Villain:
SDW’s what more can we expect? How ‘bout villains that are actually scary looking? Would that be asking too much? They look cool when they’re in their dark cloaks and cheesy Halloween masks, but not when they take them off.
Cast:
Annoying, babbling, self-centered hot chicks along with the brother of Jerry O’Connell. Poor acting, but at least the chicks look trampy enough. Pictured from left to right: Ashley Jones, Jennifer Lyons, Elena Lyons
SFX/Gore:
Multiple deaths going both ways (4 vs. 6). The movie showed one of the girls getting a small cut, but in the next photo of her lying dead on the table. To top it off, there was no blood. The rest of special effects were okay. There was an explosion at the end, but it was obvious a low budget movie. I think it was originally made as a Sci-Fi movie because I saw it there first years ago.
TNA:
At least the movie was doing something right. First twenty minutes of film had some serious booby action (4 sets /3 @ rave). Maybe the whole movie should have been at the rave. Heavy bondage (not like the picture to the right...darn!) and sacrificial implied themes (Satanic Devil Worshippers)…duh! Seven hot chicks and one sex act. That act would have been cooler if the chick took some lingerie off.
T.Gun's Take:
Where should I start? SDW’s…moving on...
What Devil's Prey lacked in story line, and acting they made up for in TNA and deaths. So if you’re into drugs, sex, boobies, bondage and devil worshipping this may be the movie for you. If not, it's still a movie to kill an hour or two with. You might be asking yourself afterwards, "Where did that hour or two go?" But it's not too painful.
A personal favorite bad movie star, Jennifer Lyons, also stars in another one of my personal favorites, Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Killer Mutant Snowman. Director Bradford May is the man who directed Darkman 2 & 3. So feel free to blame him for whatever you want. I do.
Misc. Movie Trivia: -Film opened on September 18, 2001 and went straight to DVD
Shark-factor:What is the shark-factor?Unlike the Matrix, I’ll explain the shark-factor.A while back, I was with my friends watching the Planet of the Apes (1968 version).My friend Bookie commented on how hot the chick in the flick was and pretty much said he’d give his left nut to have her. Then my other friend, Shark, commented, “You know she’s like sixty now!”And that dampened the day.So every time we’ve watched an older movie and mentioned how hot the chick was, Shark came in and ruined the day.So to fairly grade the “hotness” of the chicks in the films, I need grade them based on how they looked year they were made and not how old they would be now.So the shark-factor is to make up for any time-age-difference for the women in the films between present date and time and production date and time.So F*** You Shark!
blizzard. Genetic liquid from the research vehicle interacts with Jack, melting him into the snow. His molecules and D.N.A. are mixed with the snow creating a killer snowman...hence, Jack Frost.
Jack the Killer Snowman…hell yeah! To be honest, the special effects on the “killer snowman” are pretty crappy. The snowman looks like a Christmas display at the local Wal-Mart. But come on’ give him some love! A killer snowman movie...they should make more of these.
Shannon Elizabeth (pictured right) in her first movie role. Rest of cast displayed poor acting. Not as if the movie itself was top notch, but at least they could do is throw in a lot of hot chicks…hmm…if they ever make a sequel, there’s a formula for success (foreshadowing). Shannon was the only hot one.
Sure the movie had Shannon Elizabeth, but that’s it for hot chicks! And no boobies. What’s up with that? Shannon did have a shower scene in the movie, which was followed by a sex act. Unfortunately it was a snowman raping her to death...guess where the carrot was. That’s F'd up!
