Review #67: Night of the Demons (1988)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Kevin Tenney (Director): Witchboard 1 (1986) & 2 (1993)

Amelia Kinkade (Angela): NOTD 2, NOTD 3 (1997)

Allison Barron (Helen): Nightmare on Elm St 2, Fear (1990)

Cathy Podewell (Judy): Dallas T.V. series

Jill Terashita (Frannie): Sleepaway Camp 3 (1988)

Linnea Quigley (Suzanne): Nightmare on Elm St 4, Graduation Day (1981), Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984), Return of the Living Dead (1985), Vice Academy 1 (1988) & 2 (1990), Pumpkinhead (1994), Monster Man (2001) (pictured right)

Trailer:


I've taken a break from my fantasy football studies (mainly mock drafting) to sit down and enjoy this 80's cult classic. To be honest, I've never seen it before, I've heard of it, but haven't seen it. Whispers of the film being remade inspired me to check it out.

By the way, the remake is stacked with sweet, sweet hotness:

- Monica Keena: Freddy vs. Jason (Pictured Below)

-Diora Baird: TCM: The Beginning

-Shannon Elizabeth: Jack Frost & 13 Ghosts

-Tiffany Shepis: Delta Delta Die! & Bloody Murder 2

-Bobbie Sue Luther: Killer Pad (Pictured below)

Oh my God...light the candles, turn on the sweet music and hose me down with baby oil, I can't wait for this one!

Now that I'm out of my fantasy comma, back to the movie. And let me say, "Holy Crap!" this movie represents the true cheesiness of the 80's genre. It falls into that category: It's so bad, it's good. Here are some staples in the 80's era that it truly represents:

-Nudity
-Super bad special effects
-Paper thin plot
-Horrible 80's wardrobe
-Horrible 80's music
-Crappy acting
-Late 20 year olds playing high school students
-Things that make you say, "WTF?"
-The "token" black guy, the cute "China doll" Asian girl, the "virgin" hot blonde
-Childish tongue in cheek jokes

And the list goes on and on.

It's Halloween night...how original...and our heroine, Judy, receives a phone call from her boyfriend, Jay. Jay cons here out of going to the school dance and head with him to a private party. But there's a twist. The party's going to be held at the old haunted Hull House. Ooooh. Not the Hull House! Is that NHL greats Bobby and Brett Hull's house?

Judy agrees and she changes in her Halloween costume as we await for Jay to pick her up. She finds her creepy little brother, Billy, hiding in her closet as she changes. He watched her strip out of her other clothes and into her new ones. Way to go little man!

Judy "acts" upset at him...you know how some of that bad acting goes..."Oh Billy, you're such a screw ball. He he. You wanna touch one?" Instead of beating the living sh*t out of her peeping tom brother, she lets him off the hook. Billy then goes on making tit jokes about his sister the rest of the time we see him while Judy takes it in stride. Gotta love the 80's!

After a few other character appearances...plot..., Jay finally arrives to pick Judy up for the Halloween party. Only he isn't wearing a costume, he's dressed like 80's preppie jock man. Judy (pictured right) gives him crap for it, and I'm kind of regretting watching the film at this point.

They head off to pick up their two friends (Max and Frannie) and head off to the party. On the way they pass a car broken down we three others, Roger, Helen and Stooge, who are also going to the party. Yes...Stooge. It's the 80's, that's all I can say.

Instead of giving them a helping hand...they give them a hand (round of applause). I told you it had childish jokes in it! Better yet, they take off and leave them to rot. What friends they turned out to be.

They continue to drive along a backwoods road and Jay points out the Hull House in the distance. The movie shot looks like a matte painting of a creepy house on the horizon. It looked pretty bad. Max gives a quick history about the house, which is ALSO a funeral home if you're keeping score. We gotta spice things up a bit, now don't we?

They pull up to the house and get out. They check out the land and there's a 10-15 foot brick wall that surrounds it. Max (I think...at this point I just didn't care) lays down at the base of the wall and mentions that there's water running underneath it. Frannie (I think...it's not as if they went over everyone's names by now) then tells us that demons can't cross over water. FORESHADOWING. The four go inside the house to wait for everyone else.

Eventually and unfortunately, everyone shows up and they "get the party started". Loud, bad 80's hairband music plays on a boom box, and my ears start to bleed. They go over the official story about the Hull House. Tell me if you haven't heard this before:

"Old man Hull slaughtered his family on Halloween night....yada yada yada...and now their spirits are trapped." YAWN!

Angela digs out a strobe light out of her bag and Suzanne declares, "Far F*ckin' Out." I bet you have heard "far out" in a while. I haven't until now. They all get bored...oh wait that's me...they all decide to play a game, Helen suggests, "The Past Life's Dance".

Should I actually explain it? Might as well. You're supposed to concentrate really hard and stare into the mirror until it turns black. Then someone's "past life" appears. And how is that a game?

Any way, they all sit down in front of a large vanity mirror which they just happen to find in the next room and all stare at the mirror. Hellen sees herself dead and freaks out and breaks the mirror. Of course no one else witnesses this. And then noises come from the basement. Somehow their game has accidentally released the haunted spirits of the house. And from there on out it's downhill.

They are all standing in the living room...or DEAD ROOM...complaining about a smell. The released spirit/demon finds it's way out of the basement and appears as a stinky green mist that jumps into Suzanne's mouth and possesses her. NO ONE sees this. Angela then tells us the difference between haunted and possessed. NOBODY CARES.

Plagued with boredom...sorry, just me again...they all split up to do their own thing. Roger is freaking out about the whole noise thing and he decides to get the hell out of dodge. Hellen decides to join him.

The possessed Suzanne (we shall call her...Suzanne Sommers) lays a kiss on Angela, I guess passing on the evil spirit to her body as well. But it didn't leave Suzanne Sommers body. I guess it's like a gremlin, multiplies with human saliva. Come to think of it...could that have been the first girl on girl kiss in a movie? Move over Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair, this one was smokin'!

Jay and Judy were upstairs making out, when Judy drops the I'm a virgin bomb on Jay. RIGHT. Did you see her picture? She's not a virgin. Jay gets pissed that she cock-blocked him and wouldn't do it with him and then locks her in the room (or maybe the evil spirits do...who knows...who cares?).

Meanwhile, Roger and Helen are trying to leave, but cannot find a way out. The brick wall keeps on going. And then Helen disappears. The plot thickens. Roger freaks out and hides in one of the cars.

After about 50 minutes in we get our first confirmed kill. I mean a kill we see on screen. No demon possess thing. Actually fake blood and guts. Over the next eight minutes we get five more dead and Max and Frannie ♫ "Doing it like they do on the discovery channel" ♫ in a coffin and two sets of boobies.

Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Why couldn't they keep that pace up for the whole movie? And by the way, Frannie has a pretty nice rack on her. BHA! Going back to the little jiggle, ♫ "...discovery channel" ♫ that song is actually called, ♫ "The Bad Touch" ♫ by the Bloodhound Gang.

The next half hour we get Judy running around the house and property, bumping into demons and survivoring cast members off and on trying to escape. It was painful! There's one F*CKIN' stairwell and one F*CKIN' hallway upstairs! HOW CAN YOU KEEP ESCAPING and GETTING SEPARATED from each other!!??

* Warning: Stop reading the next few if you don't want the movie completely blown for you *

Eventually Judy and Roger end up in the barricaded in the basement (which is the crematorium). The demons are banging at the door and all Roger wants to do is pray. Just like MC Hammer, "♫ We just got to pray, just to make it today ♫".

Judy is...well stupid...she wonders what the big iron door on the wall is for. IT'S THE DAMN INCINERATOR! And then reaches in and pulls out ash and a human skull and proceeds to flip out. Judy then comes to the conclusion that it's Halloween night and demons don't go to hell, they are free to roam the Earth. Soooo..."Let's wait it out 'til morning." Roger agrees, but at this point, he is already a trembling pussy agreeing to anything that isn't dangerous. Grow a pair!

The demons must have got word on this because they start to take the bolts out of the door hinges to get in. Judy turns into MacGuyver and turns the gas pipe from the incinerator and turns it into a blow torch with a lighter. So when the demons knock down the door...the get fried! Yeah! Movie over.

Just kidding. It couldn't be that easy now. Relieved and safe Judy and Roger venture out of the basement only to discover...the demons didn't die! Are you shocked? I wasn't. Trapped inside the living room with demons bearing down on them, Roger the Puss decides to bust throught the window and escape the house leaving Judy to defend herself. It takes Judy a few minutes to realize, "Hey maybe going through the busted window isn't a bad idea."

Now that Judy and Roger the Puss are outside they head for the brickwall fence. Eventually Judy remembers the whole "evil can't cross water thing" and they decide to scale the wall to escape. Roger the Puss climbs the wall first, while the demons FINALLY catch up with them and pull Judy down as she climbs.

Roger the Puss successfully gets over and decides whether or not to help Judy while sitting in the fetal position on the grass. Roger the Puss grows a pair and goes back to help Judy. Both successfully get over the wall just as dawn appears and the evil spirits vanish into the morning sky. Sorry if I blew the ending for you. Most likely you would have figured it out anyway.

After watching the movie I was in complete shock. How do I even rate that one? It was soooo crappy that it was good. It was the ultimate bad 80's horror movie. The only thing missing was a "true" killer/slasher. I was a little...scratch that...extremely disappointed that it took almost an hour to see someone die. I don't count the stinky gas leak mist possession thing. Actual death. Despite my negativism, I thought it was a true cult classic.

And they're giving this baby a fresh look! I can't wait for the remake. I hope it holds true to the original ideas...probably not...I can totally see a different direction for this one. Just in case you've forgotten what Monica looks like:


Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened September 9, 1988 in limited releas e (Detroit & New York) and made $3.1 million at the box office
-The film is loosely based on the California serial killer Charlene Gallego (Huh? I looked those murders up and couldn't find anything remotely close to what happened in the film)
-Three retards with a video camera, five hookers and a case of Keystone Light went into completing this film. Just kidding. Or am I?