Review #69: Prom Night (2008)

Cast/Notable Credits:

Nelson McCormick (Director): Primal Force (1999)

Brittany Snow (Donna): The Pacifier (2005), Hairspray (2007), John Tucker Must Die (2006)

Scott Porter (Bobby): Speed Racer (2008), Friday Night Lights T.V. series

Jessica Stroup (Claire): The Hills Have Eyes 2, Left in Darkness (2006) (pictured right)

Dana Davis (Lisa): Hereos and The Nine T.V. series

Brianne Davis (Crissy): Jarhead (2005), The Kid & I (2005)

Idris Elba (Det. Winn): 28 Weeks Later, The Reaping, American Gangster (2007)

Trailer:


Another remake.

Another PG-13 remake.

Another 88 minutes of my life I can't get back.

It's been 28 years since the original Prom Night hit the screens. Jamie Lee Curtis was continuing her legacy at being the "Scream Queen", and one of the hottest cast members was still two years from being born.

Wait a second, that means we had a...let me do the math real quick...28 minus 2, eh...a 26 year old playing the part of a high school senior!

Let's check out the rest of the cast...24, 20, 20...holy crap, another horror movie where twenty year olds are portraying high schoolers. I've never seen that done before. Honestly.

Prom night is that magical night which high schoolers dream about. The girls wanna flaunt how pretty they look while the guys just want to get laid. I guess that's one thing the movie tried to get right.

Plot: Donna comes home to find her family brutally murdered by her obsessive high school teacher...I gotta mention this...

Donna comes through the front door, "Mom, dad, I'm home!" Continues to walk around the house talking, stumbles over baseball bats, enters her brother's room, still flapping the jaws, while the killer is chasing down her mother. Donna eventually crawls under the bed only to watch her mother get murdered in front of her. And the killer's got no clue that she's in the house, after making all that racket. Any way...

The killer is caught and sent to prison for life. Three years later, it's Prom time. And the killer escapes. Still obsessed with Donna, he shows up at her prom picking off her friends one by one. Predictability and stupidity ensue.

Here are 28 pit falls or flaws...you choose...of the film. That's one for every year since the original film.
1. In order to escape from a maximum security prison...just go through the air vents.

Wow. The secret is out. Don't tell any inmate in the thousands of jails and prisons across America and the world. Just go through the air vent. Duh. I hope they don't show this for Movie Night in prison. We'll have a lot of escapees on our hands then. And it takes 3 days to come public. Right.

2. Covering your mouth will keep you from screaming.

I should have known that. How stupid of me. Whenever I have the urge to scream...just cover my mouth and it will go away. I wonder if this works with...coughing, sneezing, talking, eating...

3. There aren't any ugly kids in high school.

Kids turn ugly before and after high school. In our magical land of where everyone's pretty, we can't find any ducklings in the pond. I wish Brittany Snow went to my high school! (Pictured left)

4. Being Prom Queen is the most important thing in the world.

And you know it! That single most important moment in every girl's life cannont be topped. Because no girl who has not been Prom Queen has gone on to do anything with their lives. We're surrounded by Prom Queens.

5. Never run down the stairwell in high heels.

Chances are...you're gonna fall. Just saying. Don't believe me. Try it if you want.

6. Never hide in the "under construction" remodeling section of the hotel.

Following #5, when you do fall down and injure one of your legs conveniently letting the killer catch up, you make your next fatal move...hiding in the "closed off" portion of the hotel. It's so closed off, that a massive clear plastic sheet acts as a barrier keeping unwanted people away. This would make a good hiding place. And you can call for help to the numerous people hiding in this section also. (Davis and her twins pictured right)

7. Stay in the building and go search for your friends when the fire alarm sounds off.

Just because your friends are idiots and don't know what a fire alarm means. Take it upon yourself to save them.

8. Instead of taking the killer's target to a secure place, just let her go home.

So you've found the girl the killer has been stalking, but you can't find the killer. What should you do? Send her home with two other cops while you search for the killer at the hotel he's probably already deserted by now. The police station is too secure for her. We wouldn't want her to go through any more discomfort being safe now would we? And it's cheapier sending two cops to "protect" her. With budget cuts, and inflated over-time issues, why go for safety? What are the chances that two cops will be killed as the killer makes one last attempt at a girl who's now feeling safe and secure in her own home?

9. You can stab someone to death instantly with little blood.

It's a neat trick. Really. I would explain the physics of it, but I don't have the time.

10. Don't lend your kids your credit card on Prom Night.

How else were they going to pay for the limos and hotel rooms? It had to be the parents because high schoolers are eligible for credit cards. If it was the parents then...they support their kids having sexual activity on prom night. On a side note: I didn't know that hotel rooms had a fully stocked liquor cabinet. I guess it's a perk for the senior HIGH SCHOOL prom. I don't see any liability issues.

11. Don't go have sex with your boyfriend upstairs minutes before the announcing of Prom Queen and King.

Especially if you happen to be in the running for and craving about all movie. "We're gonna announce the winners after this song." So let's go up to the 3rd floor hotel room and pound out sex and rush back down in time for announcements. You've got what...5 minutes tops? Unless they're playing an old Pink Floyd song. I don't think I can get to the hotel room in that five minutes, yet alone do the nasty and get back down. Brilliant writing. Brilliant.

12. News of an escaped killer who's stalking your niece is less important than ruining her prom.

Ah yes, she's been through enough already. Let her have her prom moment. Who cares that this guy has already slaughtered her mom, dad and little brother, let her have her moment. As if any more of her friends are in danger, or herself.

13. Don't scream for help when the killers trying to kill you.

That would just be insane. Especially when the cops are in the next room. Why do you need help? As if he's done anything harmful in the past.

14. When you remember who that person "you've seen before and can't put your finger on it", don't bolt out of the hotel room like a crazy women with out telling your boyfriend who happens to be right next to you.

Given the killer's previous history, you would think it would be a good idea to tell your big, strappin', young boyfriend what's going on. But that wouldn't fit into the whole "pick off the victims one by one" scenario.

15. Placing dead bodies up in the ceiling air vents is quick, easy and clean!

Who said dead, bloody bodies are messy? We've found a killer who can lift a 150 lb body and properly place it above his head in the ceiling air vent in less than a minute AND not get a drop of blood on anything. The mob needs to hire this dude.

16. Evacuate a building first and then search for the killer and target.

Because it's easier to search the place after hundreds of people have panicked and fled out the doors within a matter of minutes. Who cares if he's "slipped" by you? At least you didn't cause a panic or mass hysteria.

17. Having your family slaughtered in front of you will inspire you to be a straight "A" student.

No psychological trauma follows. Except: during times of transition, at least according to the film. Psychological Trauma often heightens during times of transition, like graduating from high school. But the periods in between are O.K. It's your chance to feed off your family's slaughtering and achieve academic heights. Why should you let your traumatic event screw up your grades? High school's not a transition period. Or is it?

18. Only three people work at hotels.

Or at least this hotel. Of course we have the (choose the ethnic properly) cleaning lady. Hint: south of the border. "House Keeping!" She maintains all the cleaning on all the floors. And gladly opens doors to rooms when the key doesn't work without questioning anything. We also have the front desk clerk, who is happy to help all customers all at the same time. And we have the bus boy. The do-everything boy. She can clean my house!

19. Your high school prom committee goes $100,000 over budget for prom.

WTF?! $100,000! What is this, MTV's My Super Sweet 16? Who the hell spends that much on a prom? And that's over budget. Who knows what the budget was? This is why foreign countries hate America.

So what did they spent money on. They held the prom in the ball room of some luxurious hotel. I guess the school's gym is booked for the weekend. And everything looked pretty. Where the hell the other $99,900 went...I don't know.

If a prom committee that spends $100,000 over budget for prom, then they all deserve to die. Unfortunately they don't.

20. Killers NEVER are hiding in the closet.

Nor do closets make the best hiding spot. And when you mix the two together you get...a scene in this movie, and a headache.

21. Whenever a phone line is down/cut...probably means something bad is about to happen.

So stop calling! But as long as the light in the bedroom is on...everything is ok. Your partner has everything under control. Nothing's wrong, the light is on. The phone line could have got cut by a rabid squirrel or something. Plus rich people don't have cell phones, so the only way to get a hold of them is the home's land line.

22. Wearing slutty dresses is bad.

Wait a second, no they aren't. It's prom. It's coming off anyway. It just enhances your chances of dying in a horror movie.

23. Plots can be explained in a police report.

To save valuable screen time and minutes, it's the best way for the audience to get caught up to speed. Plots are over-rated.

24. Police show up after everything has happened.

Typically it's true because they are "reactive" rather than "preventative". But when they know what's going on ahead of time, and they still show up last, while they mindlessly watch you at the prom, but still manage to lose you when it counts. Come on'. Cops aren't that inept.
25. The only time you fall is when you are running away from the killer.

Rules of engagement. Just like when cell phones don't work when you need them to.

26. Hiding under the bed is the safest place.

Probably because your dead friend is there next to you. They'll protect you. Why would the killer look there? As long as you don't make a peep, the killer won't find you.

27. The lead detective will outlast all other cops.

The guy wearing street clothes. No utility belts, armored vest, the dude in kakihs. Why? He's got that "history with the killer" thing going on.

28. The ORIGINAL is BETTER! There I said it.

Just in case you haven't picked up my "tone" on the movie, it wasn't that good. I would like to say that it was a half way decent movie, but I can't. Honestly I could add more to the list, but had to find a "good" stopping point...or just pausing the movie and looking at this chick (Brittany Snow pictured below) for...an hour.

This movie felt more like I Know What You Did Last Summer at a high school prom than it did of the original film. Another teenie bopper, eye candy, crappy horror movie. The characters were developed poorly. They were disposable and had paper thin acting. I cared nothing for them. In fact if the killer wasn't such a sh*tty character, I would have rooted for all of them to be killed.

As for the killer, the bus boy was more scary looking. Oooh a dude in a black baseball cap. Scary. The film could have developed some sick tendencies with the killer's obsession with Donna, but the film never went down that road. It gave us little insight to the mind of the killer, and frankly it made him less scary.

The film lacked a horror movie atmosphere and cheap scares didn't even do the trick. STOP USING THE MIRROR SCARE TRICK!!! It hasn't worked the last hundred times! Characters mindlessly were put in situations that left them conveniently one on one with the killer and everything else was predictable and no imagination was used in the film.

I guess the movie's biggest crime is that it didn't address the consequences of Prom Night. Drinking leads to teen sex which leads to babies which leads to RESPONSIBILITY. No they rather say drinking leads to teen sex which then leads to death. How dare they? They wasted a perfectly good opportunity to promote safe sex and educate America's youth...Just kidding. I don't give a sh*t about any of that.

This movie is yet another example that hurts the cause of remaking movies. If you're gonna do something again, then do it right. The film was better off using another name than trying to pass it off as a Prom Night remake. I hate to say that director Nelson McCormick's best work is behind him. After all, he was the mastermind behind the straight to T.V. flick "Primal Force". Ron Perlman. Mutant killer baboons. Deserted island. How could you go wrong!? Why couldn't he make this flick that simple?

Misc. Movie Trivia:

-Film opened April 11, 2008 and made $43.8 million at the box office ($20.8 million opening weekend)...Really?
-$100,000 was spent over budget for prom
-The unrated version offered nothing more to make the movie better