the butt. Over time, and multiple viewings, I have come to appreciate the movie a little bit more. Let’s just say, I’ve warmed up to it.
ot an alien themselves. Just like in The Thing, they sit down and test their blood samples to see if they’re human.
sorority sold the products for profit. Meat pies became the number one seller for the sorority. This became a tradition for the sorority and over the years the Delta Delta house would lure young college men into their house, kill them, grind up the bodies, make them into pies and then sell them for profit.
Triple D is a classical example of a B-movie slasher flick, only done with just enough production quality to be considered a good film. That's maybe a stretch, but it's a fun flick to watch. (Julie Strain pictured right)The movie has:"The penis is filled with germs and sperm."
Cast:
T.Gun's Take: 
The (
anthropologist/biologist, Katherine and her assistant Ben. I’m not really sure what type of professor she is, the film doesn’t specify. Katherine also has some type of religious background from her past, so she becomes the qualified expert for this case. Katherine’s like a mix of Indiana Jones, Tom Hanks from the Divinci Code, Dustin Hoffman from Outbreak and the chick boxer from Million Dollar Baby.
Forty minutes in I came to the realization that Hilary Swank looks a lot like the Vulcan chick from the television show, Enterprise (Jolene Blalock). Kind of have the same boney, manish face. No wonder she was casted for The Next Karade Kid movie. She is more of a man than Daniel-son was.
1. River and water turns to blood. This was the first to happen in the movie. But apparently swamp water doesn't count!
5. Disease on live stock. Mad cow disease. That's why McDonald's uses kangaroo meat. Also in Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind, cows died. But that was the government killing them to make a "quarantined zone" so the aliens could land at Devil's Mountain in Wyoming. Could aliens pop up in this one?
8. Locusts. Mixed up order. Move to #7. And by the way, they are KILLER LOCUSTS. Get that straight. They wipe out the town's sheriff's office and other lynching members. Another random thought. I always think of the insect cicada when I think of locusts. Ever since I went to Chicago in the early 90's and they had a bad cicada insect problem that year, I always think of the musician Jon Secada. Is it bad to compare cicada with Secada? I thought about which is better, the lyrics to one of his videos or the video itself. How 'bout both!!? Sing along.
Here's the Lyrics to Jon Secada's multi-platinum hit single, Just Another Day:
Cast/Notable Credits:
Plot:
As the "evil-doers" (to quote some other famous guy...don't know who he...I mean "it" is...but I'm sure he's...I mean "it" again...is famous) randomly show up in their own fashion, Dracula sends Frankenstein to search out the Helsing journal. Of course, Frankenstein isn't the sharpest crayon in the box, and he ends up befriending the squad and helping them out.
I loved this movie when I was a kid. After going back and watching all these films ten, fifteen, twenty years later, I say to myself, "Man. Was I an idiot or what?" This film was brilliant in it's laziness. K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid. Also a bad rock band. It's been a while since I've brought them into the picture. Just remember...they drove the young Michael Myers into killing. At least that's how Rob Zombie envisioned it. The film doesn't even try to explain anything. It's like it had seven days to film the thing. Present and idea/event and BOOM! Move on. Don't look back. Keep up the pace. Leave any man behind. What I mean is that, there are many random things that happens and the film doesn't even bother explaining them. Like, the journal. Sean's parents just happen to give him this journal. Where'd it come from? Film: who cares? Present the scene and move on. BOOM! Move on! Leave all questions for the weak. It's brillant. They don't waste the effort on explaining things. And yes, the movie is full of plot holes, but after awhile, you just come to accept it. Like the movie itself points out, "How does the dog get up here?" Lazy script writing. Or George Lucas's cop-out: "Will of the force."
Examples of lazy writing/not explaining anything/random crap:
1. Lack of character's names. The SGG (Scary German Guy) who goes on to play an important role of the film. You seriously can't think of any German surname to give him? He's just referred as the SGG.
Another...Patrick's sister (actress Lisa Fuller). The "virgin" of the film. Can't even give her a name like Sally, Jennifer, Tiffany or something like that. Nope. Just Patrick's sister. Fortunately for the actress, all she has to identify herself as is the girl that says when questioned about her virginity, "Well, Steve...but he doesn't count." Everyone knows that girl. Wow...Tiffany Amber Thiesen came up during a google search for the name, "Tiffany". So why tease? Here she is.
Another...the town's name. Can't even come up with a generic name. Let's just identify it as Springfield. Works for me.
2. The before mentioned, Van Helsing's Journal. How'd it end up in the town. And then pawned off on Sean. Who happens to discover it's usefulness. Just a random unexplained event. Important to the film's plot, but the orgin...well who cares? Right. Hit the hole and move on! That's what the movie does.
3. Wolfman. He just shows up at the police station asking to be arrested. Was he the crazy town local? Just passing through? Did he even have a name? Poof! He's there.
4. The house with the amulet. So the bad guys needed a place to hide out, and happened to shack up at the house with the amulet hidden in the basement. The writer's explain this by saying, "Helsing's deciples didn't do a very good job hiding the amulet." Really? That's the best you can do?
Speaking of the amulet, I think I understood more about it when I was a little kid. Dracula finds the amulet in a hidden stone room in the basement of the house. Inside the amulet was surrounded by crucifixes, and other forces of "good" items. When I was a kid, I knew that he couldn't get to the amulet because of those items and later tricks Sean into retrieving it. When I was watching, I was waiting for a dumb line about why they couldn't get the amulet. But there wasn't one. I guess I was smart as a kid assuming why they couldn't get the amulet.
5. SGG's tattoo. After SGG translates the journal to the kids, he walks him out of the house and at the last second the camera zooms in on his left arm and we see a numbered tattoo. Everyone who has seen the film has basically assumed that it's from a Nazi concentration camp. Who knows, maybe it's like from the Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles T.V. show. Resistance soldiers from the future have those tattoos on their arms. Maybe SGG was sent back through time to help the squad or to protect them. "Come with me if you want to live." Hmm. I think I'm on to something. Probably not, but yet another unexplained random event from the film.
Those are just five examples of lazing writing, I could go on, but it sounds like I'm bashing the film. I'm not. Honestly. I'm just pointing out the brillance of introducing something, rolling with it, and moving on. I bought it as a kid. And kind of bought it as an adult. The devil's in the details. Not in this film. They left the devil out.
On a side note, I do have to mention that the Rudy character is played by Ryan Lambert. Rudy gives us the worst line from the movie, "See ya later, band-aid breath." Why? Lambert's previous credits include the kid's television show, Kids Incorporated. Here are a few alumni from the show.
I do have to bash the film for under-utilizing the Gill-man. The dude's hardly in the film and then dies like a b*tch and the hands of the fat kid. We see him in the swamp sequence, and then...at the final battle. Whoop-dee-do. At least he had a movie of his own. Matter of fact, we need more Gill-man. There's a million vampire, werewolf, Frankenstein and at least three bad Brendan Frasier Mummy movies, but Gill-man...nope...shut out. A lost creature cause. Moved to the back burner of monsters. Playing second fiddle to Jeckel and Hyde. Hollywood's new replacement for Gill-man. And that just sucks. Need more Gill-man.
During the summer of 73, five teenagers (Erin, Kemper, Morgan, Pepper, & Andy) are traveling back from Mexico through Texas on their way to a Lynard Skynard concert in Dallas. They pick up a young, female hitchhiker on an isolate country road in the heartland of Texas. Covered in blood and in a stage of shock, the hitchhiker pulls out a gun and decides to end her life in the back seat of Kemper's hippie van.
wait patiently for the late sheriff. Erin & Kemper finally come accross a house, but unfortunately it is the Hewitt house. The home to the derranged, cannibalistic family and their mutant, chainsaw wielding son, Leatherface. What they encounter next would change their lives forever.
few years, or watchings to figure out whether to love or hate it." Expectations weren't high, because I went in thinking it's gonna suck and ruin the franchise. At least I'm going to see hotter chicks like Jessica Biel and Erica Leerhsen (pictured right).
The idea of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre is basically a collection of real life stories fabricated into one tale. The main real life event is the story of Ed Gein. (Old dude on the left) Ed Gein was a serial killer in the 50's in Wisconsin. Not Texas. Gein pretty much killed people and turned their body parts into furniture, clothing, masks, and he even ate the flesh. Popular themes through out the TCM franchise. Ed Gein is also the inspiration behind other horror films such as Psycho, Silence of the Lambs and numerous low budget movies based on his life story.
rmented. In all other TCM movies, it seems that the profile is to bound the victim then torment them. Even in the sequel, they established that. In this one, she wakes up and is not bound and free to take swings. When I initially saw the film, I was expecting the famous tied to the bone chair, or tied to the chair at the dinner table scene. I guess it just struck me as odd or out of character. Basically there was NO family dinner table scene!
The film picks up shortly after the first movie. Karen is deceased and at her funeral, a "cult investigator" (C.Lee ~ Stefan) approaches her brother Ben and warns him that she is a werewolf. Ben is skeptical at first, but after some convincing by Stefan he joins the good fight and wants to seek revenge for his sister's death and battle the fur balls who are aiming to take over the Earth.
Ben. Brother of the previous turned puppy, Karen, from part one. Torn between anger and the snoopy hot chick reporter, Ben ventures over seas to become the man he wanted to be. A little too deep? Yeah, probably. Honestly, I couldn't take the Ben character seriously after learning that he was the lead character in Space Mutiny. Yeah. That slow, big, white guy who the bad guys couldn't shoot even though he was a slow moving, enormous target. And lets not forget the space ship effects of that movie. Hey, let's rip off of old Battlestar Galatica footage and use it as our movie's main special effects! What a great idea! Secondly, he played football at USC. So every time he said something... TROJAN MAN!...popped into my head. It was a lost cause from there on out. It's pretty hard to root for a character with that history.
Stirba. Yes...Stirba. Played by Sybil Danning. She had a hell of a role in this one. Acting as the Queen Bee or Mother Puppy of the werewolves. What made her so evil...I don't know, but apparently she was. There was excellent screen writing for her. Such as rrpping off her clothes and showing off the twins. Bravo, gentleman. Bravo. So great, that they replayed it like a dozen times during the film's ending credits. Sybil also appeared in one of my favorite Roger Corman space flicks...Battle Beyond the Stars. The flying "scrotum" spaceship movie. We're 2 for 2 in casting!
Stefan (Christopher Lee), is the "expert cult investigator", so he knows everything on werewolves. First of all, I love Christopher Lee. He has one of those deep, dark voices. It creates an ambiance to his characters. He also delivers professionalism to his characters and is a great horror movie icon. With all that said, I couldn't buy into his character. I mean, there was nothing I really liked about it. The coolest thing was during his final showdown with Stirba, the special effects added a orange-green glow around his body. But that's it. His character was totally under-used. There was so much more potential for his character. But it wasn't his fault!
If you need to waste a ninety minute block of your day and need a good chuckle, then check this flick out. It's not the best sooo bad it's good movie, but definitely in the Top 20. One final thought...can they do a special edition of this film and edit out the David Bowie wannabe singer who is blasted his crappy song through out the film?
