January B-Days!

Happy B-Day for the following films released in January:

January 4
One Missed Call - 2008

January 5
Twelve Monkeys - 1996

January 6
BloodRayne - 2006
Hostel - 2006

January 7
White Noise - 2005

January 8
Leprechaun - 1993
Boogeyman 2 - 2008

January 10
The Relic - 1997
Evil Breed - 2006

January 11
Warlock - 1991

January 12
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 - 1990
Lawnmower Man 2 - 1996
Primeval - 2007

January 13
DeepStar Six - 1989
Pumpkinhead - 1989
May - 2002

January 14
Scanners - 1981
Supernova - 2000

January 16
Night of the Scarecrow - 1996
My Bloody Valentine 3D - 2009

January 17
Troll - 1986

January 18
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 - 2000
Cloverfield - 2008

January 19
Tremors - 1990
From Dusk Till Dawn - 1996
Donnie Darko - 2001
The Hitcher - 2007

January 20
Underworld: Evolution - 2006

January 23
Phantoms - 1998
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans - 2009

January 24
Darkness Falls - 2003

January 26
Shadow of the Vampire - 2001
Blood & Chocolate - 2007

January 28
Return to Horror High - 1987
Alone in the Dark - 2005
Hide and Seek - 2005

January 29
Children of the Corn 2 - 1992

January 31
Ringu - 1998
Final Destination 2 - 2003
The Eye - 2008

Review #116: Resident Evil 2: Apocalypse (2004)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Alexander Witt (Director): 1st Movie

Milla Jovovich (Alice): Resident Evil

Sienna Guillory (Jill Valentine): The Rules of Engagement (1999), The Time Machine (2002), Helen of Troy (2003), Eragon (2006)

Oded Fehr (Carlos Olivera): Resident Evil 3, The Mummy 1 (1999) & 2 (2001), Texas Rangers (2001), Deuce Bigalow 1 (1999) & 2 (2005)

Thomas Kretshamann (Major Cain): U-571 (2000), Blade 2 (2002), The Pianist (2002), King Kong (2005), Next (2007), Wanted (2008), Valkyrie (2008)

Razaaq Adoti (Peyton Wells): Amistad (1997), Black Hawks Down (2001), Doom (2005)

Jared Harris (Dr. Ashford): Natural Born Killers (1994), Oceans Twelve (2004)

Mike Epps (LJ): Resident Evil 3, How High (2001), Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001)

Sandrine Holt (Terri Morales): Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Starship Troopers 2 (2004)

Zack Ward (Nicholai): Freddy vs. Jason, Transformers (2007), BloodRayne 2 (2007), Alone in the Dark 2 (2008)

Trailer:



Resident Evil Link

Short version of the plot: Raccoon City has been infected with the T-virus and zombies roam the city. Trapped inside are a few people lead by Alice trying to find the daughter of a top level Umbrella Corporation scientist for exchange of safe passage out of the city.

Initially I liked Apocalypse better than the original film, but after a few viewings it just didn't hold up over time. I think at first I was drawn in by the idea of a city barricaded in full of blood thirsty zombies...and the nice skimpy Jill Valentine outfit...but after watching it a couple times, I pulled the wool blanket from my eyes and saw the lesser film of the two Resident Evils.

Maybe the cynic in me surfaced for this film. My first problem I had in the film was the barricade around the city. Within 13 hours of the discovery and breakout of the T-virus and zombies out of the Hive, the Umbrella Corporation had set up a wall around the metropolitan preventing anyone from leaving. Really? 13 hours to build the Great Wall of China around Raccoon City? The Chinese gotta be jealous of the Umbrella Corporation.

The next thing I didn't like about the film was the Nemesis project storyline. I know it probably has something to do with the video game storyline and lore, but I didn't like it in the film. So zombies have overrun the city and the Umbrella Corporation decides to play a game of cat and mouse with their experimental super zombie soldier (Nemesis).

They turn the super zombie soldier on anything that resembles a plausible challenge including the surviving members of an elite police force named STARS. Nemesis easily wipes them out during his campaign trail of wrath and destruction through the city. Yawn!

Eventually he comes across Alice and friends. We learn that Alice has mutated with the T-virus into some type of super soldier woman and the other dude that survived from the first film also mutated and turned into the mutant super zombie soldier. Now they must battle each other to survive. Boring.

Lost in the background of the film is the true interesting story...the zombie infestation. That storyline takes a backseat to many other useless plot lines in the film. The zombies pop up occasionally, but I never felt that the survivors of the city were in any intimate danger from them. The only real danger the survivors faced was whether they would escape the city before the "nuke" came in and cleaned up the mess. Should have made the zombies more dangerous and prominent in the film!

Another thing in the film that bugged me was the random events and action sequences put in to pass the time. I was pretty bored with most of those scenes. There were many scenes that offered no little to the outcome or storyline of the film.

Out with the negatives and In with the positives!

This sequel actually delivered better in a group of likable characters compared to the last film. The first Resident Evil, I only cared about Michelle Rodriguez and Milla. Apocalypse actually gave the audience a little bit more from it's secondary characters.

Carlos and Mrs. Valentine gave us some pretty strong supporting characters. Carlos is a bad*ss soldier that can easily be rooted for. He is played by Oded Fehr, who was the stud from the first two Mummy movies. NOT BRENDAN FRASIER! The other guy. The Arab.

On to the sweet Mrs. Valentine. This is where my focus on the movie gets tainted. She's so sexy wearing her blue tube top shirt, black mini skirt and black leather boots. Yummy! I just can't focus beyond that. The whole movie could have had her walking up and down the street, and it would have pleased me.

Milla did a wayyyy better acting job than she did in the first movie. It's probably her best performance out of the Resident Evil trilogy. She does a fine job being the "tough" super chick.

Overall this sequel lacked the punch needed to carry the series further (even though they made a third). It was a great idea with the city being locked down and infested with zombies, but I believe there was poor execution in the final product. I'm surprised that Paul W.S. Anderson didn't direct, but was less surprised when I saw that he wrote it.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on September 10, 2004 and made $50.7 million at the Box Office ($23 million opening weekend)
-Natasha Henstridge was originally casted for the role of Jill Valentine
-Snoop Dogg was originally casted for the role of LJ...now that would have been fun!

Review #115: Resident Evil (2002)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Paul W.S. Anderson (Director): AVP

Milla Jovovich (Alice): Resident Evil 2 & Resident Evil 3, The Fifth Element (1997), Ultraviolet (2006)

Michelle Rodriguez (Rain Ocampo): The Fast & Furious (2001), S.W.A.T. (2003), BloodRayne (2005), The Breed (2006), Lost T.V. series

Eric Mabius (Matt Addison): Cruel Intentions (1999), Crow: Salvation (2000), The Job (2003), Voodoo Moon (2005), The L Word & Ugly Betty T.V. series

Colin Salmon (One): AVP

Trailer:

Plot:

Based on a video game: In a fictional city named, Raccoon City, the Umbrella Corporation has a top secret military installation underground called the Hive. Inside the Hive, top scientist work on high level military projects including a virus project called the T-virus. The T-virus pretty much turns people into zombies.

An unknown assailant attempting to steal the virus accidentally sets it free into the Hive. The Mother computer called the Red Queen, detects the virus in the air and seals the facility by locking all exits and doors leaving the scientists inside trapped and victims to the virus.

An expert commando team is dispatched to penetrate the Hive's security system and enter the installation. Under the assumption that Red Queen has gone "homicidal" the team's objective is to shut down the computer. Unknowingly they shut down the computer and unlock the facilities doors allowing the scientists turned zombies to roam free. Trapped numerous levels and feet underground, the strike force must battle their way through zombies (and mutant super zombie) to the top before getting locked up in the facility.

Once again Mr. Anderson gets his paws on another movie that should be better than what it turned out to be. It was okay and enjoyable to watch, but it could have been a lot better. Many people disliked Resident Evil, but I at least enjoyed watching it. I don't believe that the movie is a total piece of crap that it has commonly been made out to be, but it's not the best either. Gee, it really sounds like a Mr. Paul W.S. Anderson movie after all. I had a good time watching it, and can actually watch it every once and a while.

There's a couple things that I liked from the movie. First of all, I'm a zombie lover. So as long as somebody puts some effort into making a zombie flick, I'm hooked. Resident Evil delivered there for me.

Secondly, I liked the security corridor sequence. * Highlight to Read * Four of the strike commandos enter the corridor adjacent to the Red Queen's mainframe room in an effort to disable it. They believe that they have over ridden the security system and unlocked the doors. They enter the corridor only to be sealed into it between rooms. Red Queen launches it's self defense mechanism and a laser beam sweeps the corridor down the middle slicing into the team members and killing some of them.

The leader of the team dodges a couple of sweeps and then comes to his end as the single laser beam then transforms into a laser web slicing him into a hundred little cubes. I thought that was pretty awesome. It's definitely one of my favorite kills of all time.

Thirdly, it has a couple of kick *ss chicks with guns. I think that I have a hard-on typing that. Hot chicks with guns. Who doesn't like that? Milla Jovovich (Pictured right) doesn't really deliver much in an acting performance, but she does play a hot bad *ss chick pretty well. We even get to see a 1/4 tit and nipple of her early on and a quick shot of her "infield" at the end. I guess you take what you can get.

Along side of Milla is another one of my favorite movie hotties, Michelle Rodriguez (Pictured left). Fresh off her success from The Fast & Furious movie, Rodriguez fits well into a "tough" military commando heroine role. Unfortunately this movie starts a trend of her being "type-cast" as she reprises similar roles in S.W.A.T. and the T.V. series Lost.

Resident Evil doesn't offer much in way of good acting or plot development, but I'm alright with that. It's a zombie movie, I don't expect much. I'm easily entertained when it comes down to zombie movies. The one thing that I really wasn't a big fan of was the whole "Alice memory loss thing". One minute she doesn't know crap and the next we find out she's part of the company's mastermind project and knows everything.

I must admit, I've never played a Resident Evil video game, so I'm not 100% sure what the lore and role of Alice was, but I thought that her character role/set up in the movie was horrible. But I wasn't a huge fan of the game so I can't really make an accurate judgment. This part of the film might have been what ticked off so many loyal fans. If I was a hard core gaming fan of the series, I might be able to put my two cents in. But I'm not, so I can't.

Overall, I enjoy watching Resident Evil from time to time. After all, it's a zombie flick. The special effects were pretty good on the film, and there seemed to be a adequate pace to the film. I can't really complain that much about the film...so I see it as a "action packed popcorn movie" about zombies. And I have no problem with that.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on March 15, 2002 and made $40.1 million at the Box Office ($17.7 million opening weekend)
-George Romero was originally attached to direct the film but turned it down due to script discrepancies
-The character Alice, is never spoken, written or identified until the credits

Merry X-mas!

Review #114: AVP 2: Requiem (2007)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Colin & Greg Strause (Directors)

Steven Pasquale (Dallas Howard): Rescue Me T.V. series

Reiko Aylesworth (Kelly O'Brien): 24 T.V. series

John Ortiz (Sheriff Eddie Morales): Ransom (1996), Amistad (1987), Miami Vice (2006)

Johnny Lewis (Ricky Howard): One Missed Call

Kristen Hager (Jesse): Wanted (2008) (Pictured right)

Robert Joy (Col. Stevens): Amityville 3D (1983), Desperately Seeking Susan (1985), Fallen (1998), The Hills Have Eyes, Land of the Dead

David Paetkau (Dale): Disturbing Behavior (1998), Final Destination 2 (2003), I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

Gina Holden (Carrie): Final Destination 3 (2006), The Butterfly Effect 2 (2006),
Flash Gordon & Blood Ties T.V. series

Rekha Sharma (Nurse Helen): Battlestar Galactica T.V. series

Trailer:


AVP Review Link

Plot:

The film picks up immediately after the first film with the new "Pred-Alien" bursting out of the chest of the fallen Predator. The Pred-Alien wrecks havoc on the Predator spaceship killing Predators and causing a crash landing of the ship down to Earth.

The ship crashes in the woods just outside the nearby small Colorado town of Gunnison. During the crash a distress signal is sent back to the Predator home world. The Predator race dispatches a single Predator, named "Cleaner" (what the producers call him), to clean up the mess and destroy all evidence of the wreck.

Meanwhile, the Pred-Alien and a couple facehuggers (which were conveniently transported on the ship) have survived the crash and encounters a hunter and his son, impregnating both of them; thus starting the cycle all over again. Aliens soon run a muck over the unsuspecting town of Gunnison.

The Predator "Cleaner" arrives shortly afterwards and starts cleaning up the mess, but his work becomes over matched by the rapidly spreading Alien infestation. While the Cleaner is secretly working his magic, a group of locals, led by the sheriff, band together and fight for their survival while looking for a way to escape. The sheriff has contacted the National Guard to help out, and the military decides the only way to contain the outbreak is to nuke the city.

The first AVP everyone complained about there being too much "character development" and not enough hard core Alien vs. Predator action. Also it was PG-13. Now we get a second chance in life, enter AVP 2 or AVPR (whatever), and people still b*tch! Now it's "there's not enough character development and it's too gory". WTF people?! Read the movie's title: Aliens vs. Predator 2! This isn't going to be Grammy winning material folks. Besides...it got Reiko Aylesworth (pictured left) on the screen shooting up some Aliens.

Hey, I was perfectly fine with it. I thought it was better than the first one. What we have here is a bunch of Aliens taking over a little Colorado town while being hunted by a professional Predator "cleaner". I'm cool with it. I don't need any character development B.S. I know that everyone's pretty much is going to die. Otherwise the original Alien movies wouldn't exist. Who needs character development when the characters are cattle to a slaughtering buzz saw?

If I did have a complaint about the movie, then it would be that it's lighting was pretty bad. It was a little too dark to see everything that was going on. On top of it, you throw in the typical Hollywood "it's gotta rain for 90% of the movie" B.S. and it makes the lighting's even worse.

My favorite sequences of the movie were the ones that took place down in the sewer system. I thought that they brought back a little suspense back to the two (three) movie franchises. The sewer sequences were pretty eerie and had a good cold vibe to them. Well done!

Another element that I liked was the Pred-Alien idea. Sure...it may have been introduced at the end of the last movie, but they stuck with the idea and developed an awesome looking grown up model with a kick-*ss unique ability. Unfortunately we couldn't get a real good look at it due to the poor lighting. Also I couldn't tell who was who during the final battle, but that's typical of all CGI battles of similar looking entities.

Overall, despite a popular strong dislike of this movie by hardcore fans, I enjoyed this flick. It was a great shoot 'em up flick. I always wondered what it would be like if Aliens invaded the Earth, and now I got to see it. I think this movie delivered better than the first one, but that's my opinion. A lot more Aliens and alot more deaths and chaos. I would have preferred to see Gina Holden (Pictured left) in a little bit larger role...or less dressed like Kristen Hager's swimming pool outfit.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on December 25, 2007 and made $41.7 million at the Box Office ($13.6 million opening weekend)

-The directors, Colin and Greg, founded the SFX company Hydraulx (SFX films include: Terminator 3, Venom, The Day After Tomorrow, 300 and many more)

-Scheduling conflicts prevented Bill Paxton from appearing in this movie; if he would have appeared, he would have been in all three franchises Predator (Predator 2), Alien (Aliens), and...would have been AVP

-Apparently a skull from an E.T. head appears on the Predator ship in the beginning of the film (maybe the 2:46-2:50 mark? - poor lighting)

Friday Remake Rant #2

Part 2 0f Friday Remake Rant

Click here for Part 1

2. Jason runs.

So far we've seen the clips and trailers, and yes, Jason runs. Big deal. Get over it.

Dumb fan: "THIS SUCKS. JASON NEVER RUNS.JASON NEVER EVER FUCKIN RAN. He always has a steady, slow, certain pace. Even if you take a jet and fly around the fuckin world to an Island, he'll be RIGHT THERE waiting to collect your head."

Have you EVEN watched any of the earlier Friday's? I've seen them and he did run time to time. For some reason, over time his character changed into a slow moving zombie who will always catch his prey no matter how fast they would run. This eventually built up to a comical aspect of the film and franchise. All the movie watchers always knew that he always seemed to catch up and kill the running victim. It was a joke. We all knew it. The dumb fan even points that out in their quote.

Lets try to go by NFL standards and logically think this through.

For instance, lets use 40 times. How fast can someone run 40 yards? A slow runner (big ass defensive/offensive lineman) can run like a...let's say 5.67 in a 40 yd dash.

If you watch the "chase" scenes in the movies, you typically see a 10 second run before Jason mysteriously pops out from behind a tree or when the person falls...is right there to hack them up. So a 10 second run is kind of equivalent to running...80 yards. Sure, lets play it safe and tack off another 10 yards because we not all athletes and it's still 70 yards away.

That's pretty damn close to being on the other side of the football field. Now let's compare that to someone walking. Some one walking might not even cover 15 yards in that time. But not Jason, he just magically appears to hack them up. What a joke! We all know he's gonna be there to kill the person even though scientifically it's just not possible.

So Jason "runs" in this one. Big deal. He's done it in the past. It makes his character a little more believable than magically appearing behind the tree up the road. And if you still don't buy that, then it's not like they haven't change his character before. Hair...no hair...hair...no hair. Even the hockey mask changes a little bit each movie. I don't see you bitching about that.

GET OVER IT! He runs a little bit. It's not a life threatening change here.

My Bloody Valentine Remake

Remember them beer lovin', hockey playin', Canadian miners who couldn't host a Valentine's Day party? Eh. Well, they're back! New and improved and right off the Hollywood remake/re-imagining product line! And the best part....

Drum roll please...

It's in 3-D!

Yeah! At least as long as the 3-D effects are better than that cardboard cut out of a shark slowly moving toward you in Jaws 3(D). Is Harry Warden back? Cross your fingures. We'll find out! Eh.

My Bloody Valentine hits theatres on January 16, 2009.

Original My Bloody Valentine Review Link

Trailer:

Review #113: The Happening (2008)

Cast/Notable Credits:
M. Night Shyamalan (Director): The Sixth Sense (1999), Signs (2002), The Village (2004)

Mark Wahlberg (Elliot): Fear (1996), Boogie Nights (1997), The Perfect Storm (2000), Planet of the Apes (2001), The Big Hit (1998)

Zooey Deschanel (Alma): Elf (2003), The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005), Bridge to Terabithia (2007), Yes Man (2008)

John Leguizamo (Julian): Die Hard 2 (1990), Super Mario Brothers (1993), Spawn (1997), Ice Age Trilogy, Land of the Dead

Betty Buckley (Miss Jones): Carrie (1976)

Spencer Breslin (Josh): The Kid (2000), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Shaggy Dog (2006)

Trailer:


Plot:

The movie starts off in Central Park where New Yorkers are going about their own daily business when a gust of wind blows through the trees and people in the park start committing mass suicides. Construction workers heave themselves off buildings, and a lady stabs herself in the neck with a hair pin. Hey, not a bad start here. I can dig it.

The story breaks the air waves and the popular belief is that it's a terrorist attack. Some how terrorists have released a deadly toxin in the air the starts a chain reaction with the brain's chemistry that makes people oft themselves. Those evil-doers are at it again! M. Night Suck-a-lon Happens to be one of them, because the movie loses my interest afterwards. Note: STOP THE MOVIE RIGHT NOW IF YOU'VE ALREADY MADE THE MISTAKE IN RENTING IT!

Moving forward...in Philadelphia, school teacher Elliot Moore returns home to his "on the fringe marriage" with his wife Alma. They pack their bags and decide to take the train out of town in fear of large cities being attacked. Tagging along is Elliot's friend Julian and his daughter Jess. The four head out of town and shortly in their wake, a Philly park is the epicenter of another series of mass suicides.

The train abruptly stops after losing contact with the operators and all passengers are left on their own. Elliot's pack travel to a local diner to learn that the upper eastern seaboard has been effective by this epidemic and they are stuck 90 miles from the edge of the hot zone. Julian leaves Jess under the care of Elliot as he ventures back to Princeton to find his wife. A dumb move on his part because it's becoming clear that anyone in the areas are dead by now. What a father he turned out to be, instead of protecting his child, he pawns her off and runs off to find his statistically proven already dead wife in an affected epidemic zone.

Elliot, Alma and Jess hitch a ride with a hippie couple through the country back roads of Pennsylvania. The hippie couple believes that the attack is brought on by...are you ready for this?...plants and not terrorists. Yes. Plants. The theory is that plants have become threatened by the human race and has released deadly toxins into the air to neutralize the threat. The killer plants release their toxins in heavily populated sections and the wind blows it through the air. Guess what? It Happens that the hippies are right. Killer pissed off plants.

Bottom line for survival is...travel in small groups. Oh wait, the movie violates that rule along the way as Elliot and company travel on foot through the country lands and survives a "killer plant wind attack" while looking for a place to stay and wait it out. Unfortunately the know-it-all hippies fall victims along the way as Elliot's group finds shelter.

They hook up at an old lady's farm in the boonies. She is completely out of touch with the world, no radio or technology. She's a crazy old hag that lives by herself in the country lands growing her own food on the farm. Apparently the government has no interest on taxing her for her lands. The next morning the old lady falls prey to the killer plant toxin and Elliot becomes separated from Alma and Jess as they are trapped in the barn across the farm as he lays low in the house.

Threatened by dying lonely, they all decide to tempt fate and let love guide them to each other as they venture outside into the wind. They slowly walk across the yard that separated them as the wind howls through the grass and trees and then...nothing happens. The epidemic has stopped and everyone is free to go back to whatever they were doing. As Celine Dion puts it, ♫ "It's the Power of Love". ♫

Wait a second...did the epidemic stop because of the Power of Love, or did that just happen to be a coincidence at the same time it stopped? If it's because of the Power of Love, then I'm pissed. That's complete bull crap. The Power of Love saves the day in a horror movie? It Happens that I want to commit suicide now.

The experts and media theorize that it was a warning from nature to us, "that we are killing the planet". Others think it was the government since only the upper eastern seaboard was effected. The movie ends three months later in a park in France where "The Happening" starts over again. Sequel? I hope not.

M.Night Suck-a-lon sucks us into another one of his over hyped weird*ss thriller...or thrill-less...movies. The Happening is not like "happening cool". Its quite the opposite, it's not Happening. Something Happened and left a fowl stench behind. I Happened to almost fall asleep because I was so bored.

It Happened to be that all the acting was poor in this movie. They were horrible paper thin, cardboard cut out characters that displayed little emotion or acting abilities. Usually that's alright with me in horror movies, but when a movie is supposed to be "suspenseful" and the story is built around the characters and they end up being done poor, it just makes for a bad movie.

Mark Wahlberg Happened to be a horrible choice for the lead role. He was supposed to be an optimistic, goodie two shoes school teacher and husband. But that's not his character! Just stick to the cop and marine roles! Roles where you can shoot people, blow sh*t up and battle off evil monkeys. Or just go back to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. ♫ It's just them Good Vibrations! ♫

Zooey Deschanel round out the cast of "never should have been casted". I'm usually a big fan of hers, but she didn't fit in her role. Her character was a cardboard stoned faced, stuck up, cold hearted, crazy b*tch. She has beautiful bright blue eyes, and that's all she did in the film was stare with her eyes wide open into the camera. That's the highlight of her acting abilities in this one. Can her eyes Happen to get any wider?

I Happened to continue hating the pieces of crap this director puts out. The Sixth Sense was alright. I guessed the "twist" out when it originally Happened. So the rest of the movie was slow and boring for me. I didn't have the, "OMG I didn't see that coming!" moment.

Unbreakable was a unique idea with a sub par follow through. Samuel L.'s hair and outfit Happened to be just too over the top 70's style for me.

Signs...well Signs can suck my balls. That movie sucked. I had to watch it three times because I was sooo bored and kept falling asleep at various parts of the movie. Aliens who have a weakness to water attack a planet that is comprised of 66% water. Dumb asses. Why can't aliens come to Earth just to chill?

The Village...yeah...I don't know where to start. I'll just leave it as bad. Really Bad. After that movie, I put my foot down and said, "No more M. Night Suck-a-lon movies." I guess I Happened to be wrong. I saw this one.

I was able to skip the Lady in the Water movie, and intended to miss this one, but all the negative things I had heard about this film intrigued me to watch it. Kind of like the Deer in headlights affect. I know something bad is coming, but I just can't move. I'm glued to the film. I get that way a lot with bad movies. Mainly because the remote falls a foot or two from my reach and I'm too lazy to get up and get it. Therefore, I end up suffering through a lot of horrible movies.

I Happen to recommend not watching this film. Take every one's word for it, "It sucked." Save yourself the money and don't rent or buy this. In fact, any time M. Night Suck-a-lon comes out with another movie, steer away my friend. Maybe years from now, Rob Zombie's kid can direct a re-imagining of this film.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on June 13, 2008 and made $64.5 million at the Box Office ($30.5 million opening weekend)
-Zooey Deschanel went to high school with Kate Hudson; sister is Emily Deschanel (Bones T.V. series)
-85% of the movie takes place outside
-Answer to Julian's math riddle: $10,737,418.23

New Friday Trailer & Poster!

Poster:

Opens Friday, February 13, 2009

I like the first poster better, but this one is pretty cool too.

Review #112: AVP (2004)

Cast/Notable Credits:
Paul W.S. Anderson (Director): Resident Evil, Mortal Kombat (1995), Event Horizon (1997), Death Race (2008)

Sanaa Lathan (Alexa Woods): Blade (1998), Life (1999)

Lance Henriksen (Charles Bishop Weyland): Aliens

Colin Salmon (Maxwell Stafford): Tomorrow Never Dies (1997), The World is Not Enough (1999), Resident Evil, Punisher: War Zone (2008)

Tommy Flanagan (Mark Verheiden): Braveheart (1995), The Saint (1997), Face/Off (1997), Gladiator (2000), Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003), Sin City (2005), When a Stranger Calls (2006)

Trailer:


A satellite orbiting the Earth picks up a heat signature coming from a remote location in Antarctica. Thermal images shows that the signature outlines an ancient pyramid underneath the ice. The owner of the satellite, The Weyland Corporation, assembles a scientific archaeological team and drilling team to take down to Antarctica to discover the orgins of the pyramid.

Upon arrival, the team finds that a tunnel from the surface to the pyramid has mysteriously been carved out of the ice. Anxious to be the first ones down to the pyramid, the team proceeds down to the ancient ruin without any questioning of the mysterious tunnel. Little do they know that they are walking into a Predator trap.

The Predators uses humans as "hosts" to produce the Aliens so they can hunt them. A long time ago they captured a Queen Alien as keeps her captive and frozen until 100 years pass, and then they thaw her out to produce the facehugger eggs. A few, select Predators return to Earth to hunt the Aliens as a Rite of Passage into manhood (or something like that).

Now the surviving team members must escape the ancient pyramid that reconfigures every ten minutes or become part of the "hunt" and battle between the Aliens and Predators.

Tagline: Whoever wins, we lose

Whenever Paul W.S. Anderson directs, we lose. I swear this guy directs some of the worst "should be cooler" movies ever. How is he the other half of the Milla Jovovich life story? (Pictured right) When I think of him and her, the quote from Talladaga Nights pops up. When Ricky Bobby is telling his wife's dad, Chip, "They only thing you've ever done good in your life is make a hot daughter." Kind of the same concept here. Mr. Anderson, "The only thing you've ever done good in you life is marry a hot girl."

So this is how they bring the two great franchises together. For numerous years the Sci-Fi geeks around the world had awaited this movie. Ever since we caught a glimpse of the Alien skull in the spaceship in Predator 2, we've been teased and held in anticipation for this film. And now it arrives. Finally. And I felt a little ripped off.

First of all, my initial disappointment in this film came upon learning that it was going to be rated PG-13. Really? PG-13? If you don't know me, but I have a certain disliking of slapping the PG-13 label on horror movies. It defeats the purpose of a horror movie. It's like having a PBJ without the peanut butter. A lap dance without the stripper.

Another thing about the PG-13 rating, apparently it's alright to have as much blood as you want, as long as it's green blood. Splatter that all over the screen and it's okay. But human blood, nooo, we can't have any of that. Damn Hollywood. During a random picture search, this picture came up. Whose the Alien and whose the Predator?

So just like all other PG-13 horror movies, I avoided this one at the movie theater. It's my own personal stand against the studios pulling this crap. I eventually saw this movie at work...at least the majority of it. I was a little intrigued and interested in the parts I saw, so I gave in and finally rented it.

My first impression was that it was okay. It was an enjoyable popcorn movie to watch. It definitely was better than Predator 2 and Alien 3. The story focused more on the humans in the film than it did the two species. That was a common argument for the film's disliking. "Blah, blah, blah, character development. We want more Aliens vs Predator!" I agree with that to some degree.

I didn't like that the film brought the two species into modern day Earth. I felt like it violated all the time lines, and lore between the two franchises. I would have preferred to see the two species duke it out on some other planet in another time. But that's just me. Also, I love the Lance Henriksen character in the Alien franchise, but they really didn't need to work him into this one. Made me feel the same way when Star Wars II forced Boba Fett into the story. Some things are just better left alone.

I also wasn't a big fan of the chick teaming up with the Predator at the end. That was pretty gay itself. If I was the Predator, I would be like, "F*ck you lady. You'll slow me down. I'm a trained professional. I'm on my own. Get out of my way." Instead the Predator "embraced" her into the hunt. I would have used her for bait...and many other things. Oh, that chick happened to be Sanaa Lathan (pictured left). It's not exactly the hunt I would take her on.

Overall, it was a decent movie to watch. I do give the studio credit for making each species a formidable opponent to each other. I thought they would make the Aliens into a bunch of pussies (cannon fodder), but they ended up to be a pretty tough match for the technology dependent Predators.

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on August 13, 2004 and made $80.2 million at the Box Office ($38.2 million opening weekend)
-1st Alien or Predator movie not to receive a "R" rating
-Arnold Schwarzenegger would have made a cameo appearance if he had lost the election for California governor
-The morse code the satellite at the beginning spells out, "Whoever wins, we lose"
-Three Predators names: Scar, Celtic, and Chopper

Review #111: Deep Blue Sea (1999)

There's not a better way to kick off the Holiday Season than to sit down and review a shark movie. Huh? A little out of season? Well, maybe. But if you've ventured out into the stores and hit some of those early holiday sales, then you could probably can relate to the frenzy of shoppers swarming around the stores like sharks.

Statistics would show that more people die in stores do to holiday craziness than the number of people who die in this movie. Also to bring in the holiday spirit, this was my first ever DVD in my collection. I received it for X-mas. So it's in my holiday spirit!

Cast/Notable Credits:
Renny Harlin (Director): A Nightmare On Elm St 4: The Dream Master

Thomas Jane (Carter): The Mist

LL Cool J (Preacher): H20

Saffron Burrows (Dr. Susan McCallister): Wing Commander (1999), Troy (2004), The Bank Job (2008)

Samuel L. Jackson (Russell Franklin): The Exorcist 3 (1990), Jurassic Park (1993), Snakes on a Plane (2006), Lakeview Terrace

Jacqueline McKenzie (Janice): The 4400 T.V. series

Michael Rapaport (Tom Scoggins): Metro (1997), Hitch (2005), The War at Home & Boston Public T.V. series

Aida Turturro (Brenda): The Sopranos T.V. series

Stellan Skarsgard (Jim Whittlock): The Glass House (2001), Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), Pirates of the Caribbean 2 & 3 (2006 & 2007)

Erinn Bartlett (Girl 1): Little Nicky (2000), The Benchwarmers (2006)

Trailer:


Plot: Looking for a cure for Alzheimer's disease, scientists turn an old military submarine facility into a shark pen as they genetically alter three sharks in hopes of studying their brains to find a cure. Lead scientist on the project, Dr. Susan McCallister, conducts an "ahead of schedule" experiment on one of the sharks, the Gen-1 shark (a.k.a. The Big Mother F*cker Shark), in a desperate move to impress the company's head and save the project from being cancelled.

During the experiment, the Gen-1 breaks free and also breaks the underwater lab's big window, flooding the facility, trapping the scientist under water, and allowing the sharks to move freely in submerged parts of the facility. Chaos, deaths, and a lot of fun follows as the scientist try to get back to the surface for safety. Along the way, we learn that the scientists violated genetic laws and enhanced the sharks beyond their normal capabilities making them bigger and smarter. They were even smart enough to get this lady down to her undies in the film (Saffron Burrows pictured right).

Best shark movie since Jaws! Period.

Okay, I might be a little biased here, but I don't care. I LOVED IT! Maybe tied with Jaws 2, but it's still a great movie. Sure there may have been a few plot holes such as:

-Sharks don't swim backwards
-When a high level member of management comes down to give the final vote of confidence, businesses do not usually send everyone home and run off a skeleton crew for the weekend
-And they wouldn't do this during a tropical storm
-When a Coast Guard Helicopter crashes...usually a follow up crew goes to investigate
-A trio of sharks don't usually "triangulate" and coordinate with each other when hunting humans
-Sharks don't fling metal objects at high rates of speed at glass windows

Outside of those "minor" plot holes and a comedy of human errors that leads the scientists to their situation, the film kicked some serious butt. What would you expect from a shark movie with that type of premise? Yeah. That's what I thought.

My Best advice: Just sit back and enjoy the ride. Three words to live by: Suspension of Disbelief. Live it. Learn it. Enjoy it. And you will love this movie.

It's an All Star cast in the film, but Thomas Jane by far stole the show. He plays Carter, who is like a professional shark wrangler or something like that. He's a convicted Felon who has been given a lighter sentence by the courts in exchange for his services aboard Aquatica. He is one of four likable characters in the film. Surprisingly enough, none of them are the "mad" scientists behind the operation. Samuel L, LL Cool J and Michael Rapport are the other three. Isn't that a Big Mother F*cker Shark?

The film also provides many scary "jump" sequences in the film. As the sharks swim through the flooded underwater parts of the facility, the audience is left in doubt of the shark's whereabouts. This creates some kick a** sequences in the movie. I personally have two favorite ones: * Highlight to Read *

1. LL Cool J crosses paths with one of the sharks and retreats to his flooded kitchen. He climbs on a metal rack to get out of the water. His pet parrot is floating on a metal bowl in the water close to him. He slowly reaches down in the water to retrieve the bird, and the shark blasts out of the water at him. That scene was pretty cool.

2. Samuel L bites the dust. Trapped at the bottom of the facility, the scientist bicker about what to do next, and then Samuel L steps in a gives one of those uplifting inspirational speeches. He is standing next to a lagoon pool ranting off on his speech and then...BAM! One of the sharks comes out of the pool and chomps him in half and drags back through the pool and into the ocean. My friend Bookie and I saw this at that theater and he jumped in fright during both scenes. I think he might have even wet himself. :)

Overall, the film had some humor, suspense and pretty good special effects. They storyline was somewhat plausible (as in looking for Alzheimer's cure) but it also may have been a little bit too far fetched in the series of events. But it's still worth checking out if you haven't already.

In the end we learn that PETA was right. We shouldn't be testing on animals after all. Score one for PETA. Unless you WANT to see murder and mayhem courtesy of some genetically enhanced killer sharks. Honestly PETA should be using these types of movies to make the world conscious of it's wrongdoings on animals.

Deep Blue Sea is one of my personal favorite movies to watch. Despite some "possible" flaws in the story line, it's a very enjoyable shark movie to watch. Who knew that the director from A Nightmare on Elm St. 4 would go on a do so many descent movies?

Misc. Movie Trivia:
-Film opened on July 28, 1999 and made $73.6 million at the Box Office ($19.1 million opening weekend)
-Original ending had LL Cool J dying and Dr. Susan living